'AITA for being upset my husband is sharing a hotel room with another woman?' UPDATED 5X

"AITAH for being upset my husband is sharing a hotel room with another woman?"

My (36F) husband (42m) is currently in Las Vegas for a National bowling tournament. He is there with his mom and her friends/folks from their bowling league. He is an avid bowler - bowls in a Tuesday night league, often in state tournaments and sometimes in National tournaments.

Typically I go with and sometimes bowl myself. This year, we decided I would not go, but stay home with our three boys (ages 4,8,10) due to heat and smoke in Vegas in July. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. This is his second marriage. His first marriage failed because he walked in on his wife cheating on him with another man.

I have never, not once, thought that he would ever be intimate with another woman while he was with me. He’s just not that type. So, on to this trip. Typically when he goes on a trip without me (at least one a year given my job and time off requirements) he stays in a hotel room with his mom or our boys.

Three nights ago, I was on Facetime with him while he was in his hotel room. It was really nice and he was talking about possibly taking a nap for lack of sleep. I asked if he had his room to himself (because that would have been awesome) and he said “oh no, (?) is sharing with me.” I asked him who that was, and he said something - I don’t remember - aside from “she”. I said “wait what?!?”

And then he went on to explain that he was supposed to share the room with his mom's BF, but plans changed and now he is sharing the room with another woman on the trip.

He told me that I played cornhole with her last month at a get together. I reminded him who I had played cornhole with (him and a girl, but not one with the name he was giving me - I have no idea who this woman is) at which point he got very confused.

He did not understand why I was upset or frustrated - so I dropped it because I did not want to deter from his time and his bowling. I know I should have asked how he would have felt if the roles were reversed - but I didn’t.

Partly because I didn’t want to fight (we hardly ever fight) while the kids were up, and partly because I didn’t want to hear him chalk it up to my imagination. I have hardly slept since that night, and my dreams have been chock full of worst case scenarios, and still I have not really brought it up again.

There have been a few occasions in which he has talked about taking naps and how lame he is in Vegas. I have mentioned a few times - sort of sarcastically as a side, that he would be having more fun if he were sharing a room with me, or if I was there instead of his present company - but he has brushed it all aside.

So here we are: he has spent the last three nights in a hotel room with a woman that is not me or his mother - AITA for being upset?

Edited to get rid of some names - husband is coming home tonight and we will talk. I'm hoping its 82 year old grandma ;)

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Okay, so I took some advice and grew "a backbone". I texted him a little while ago instead of waiting until he got home - he and our boys are leaving for another trip tomorrow morning (I could not get the time off of work) so I wanted to make sure we had the conversation fully before he left again. Before I give the update, I wanted to make a couple of things clear:

I do trust my husband. He has never shown he would be the kind of person to cheat, and that is not what truly concerned me. Even though I did have some pretty unpleasant dreams. My issue was that he was not upfront and honest with me. If I had done the same thing, he would have lost his mind - understandably. This is why I started the original post with "he's just not that type."

We do generally have great communication - the issue here is that I like to have this kind of conversation face to face rather than over the phone. It's just not something I like to hash out while we are not in the same space. Obviously, in this situation, I should have made the exception, and have now done so. Now, for the update:

I texted him today to tell him that this situation has been bothering me for the last three days - I had questions and we needed to have this conversation. I asked who the woman was, how old she was and why didn't he tell me about the situation before I found out by accident. There was a mixup with the rooms, something about someone not going so people were shuffled.

He was paired with a woman about my age. He said he didn't think it would be a big deal and didn't want to inconvenience everyone else on the trip. He also said he did not want to upset me, which is why he didn't right out tell me about it. He did tell me that I never had anything to worry about and he made sure they weren't in the room alone together aside from when they were sleeping.

I know, I know - but I really do believe him on this.

I was honest with him and told him that if roles were reversed, out of respect for him, I would have called him right away to make sure he was ok with it. I told him that while I trust him implicitly, I should not have found out the way that I did.

And he should not have blown off my concern. I told him that the lack of upfront communication felt suspicious, regardless of intention or what actually happened. As for not upsetting me, I told him I would have understood and not been upset if he had just been honest. He has apologized profusely. I told him next time to just communicate - he is adamant there will not be a next time.

So, call me naive if you want, but I am dropping it at this point. He will be home this evening and I intend on having a nice evening with him before I don't see him again for another two weeks. Thank you for the advice - I cried it out when I found out her age, but getting this off my chest has been very relieving.

People kept it honest in the comment section.

WinterFront1431 wrote:

He should have spoken to you first, not told you. Call him and tell him how you feel, say your not accusing him it just hurt and honestly felt weird when he didn't mention sharing a room with another woman.

"Hey I have to share room with xyz, because xyz happened"

Trixy_Challenger wrote:

NTA for being upset, I think most people would be. However you should talk to him about it, it's not good you're keeping these feelings to yourself. Be honest about your feelings and ask him the question if he'd feel comfortable if you'd share a room with a male friend, just to make him see your point. Communication is key in any relationship so you should be able to talk about it without issues.

Form1040 wrote:

I am married 38 years. I would sleep in the car or outside on the ground before sharing a hotel room with a woman other than my wife.

supsofia wrote:

NTA for being upset. Your husband is sharing a hotel room with another woman, and this situation raises valid concerns and insecurities, especially given his past experience with infidelity.

While he may not have any ill intentions, it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and anxious. His confusion about your reaction and his dismissive attitude towards your concerns are not helpful and can further fuel your insecurity.

melodycricket wrote:

NTA! Husband should have had the common sense to get his own room or make other arrangements. This is totally weird and strange. And definitely ask him how he would feel if you sharing a hotel room with another man in Vegas or anywhere else!!!

Married men should not share hotel rooms with other women than mom or wife and same goes for married women. I would have demanded he get his own room regardless of cost or if he had to go to another hotel. This situation is soooo not cool. I cant believe you just sulked in silence and not done something about it! You need to discuss this with him asap!

A little over a week later, OP shared another update.

I am not handling this as well as I thought I was. I had decided to let it go - I know he wasn’t doing anything with this other woman. You can disagree and call me crazy if you’d like - but I do know that. However - as much as I have tried, I can’t get past the fact that he made the decision to do something he knew I wouldn’t be ok with, and not tell me about it. It all feels - just so messed up.

I have talked to a few of my co-workers (I don’t have really any friends that aren’t friends of his that I talk to on a regular basis - and there is no way I'll talk to my family because that is a storm I can’t handle right now) and they are all shocked and more angry for me than I have let myself be (most of them know him, the kind of person he is and what ended his first marriage - he used to work at the same company).

We had less than 24 hours together before he, his mom and all three of my children took their trip to the other side of the United States. I have been sitting in my feels and will continue to do so until they get back - almost another week from now.

I was on the phone with them this evening before they went to bed, and one of the first things my husband said to me was: “I’m sharing a bed with a red head tonight”. And I almost came unglued before I realized he was talking about one of our boys (we have three sons). After a very long pause, I said “you better be talking about —-“ and I was so angry I don’t understand how he didn’t pick up on that.

Every conversation we have had has been short and to the point because I’m really just not interested in talking to him. I have been calling my oldest son, and talking with my boys instead. His mom hasn’t really said much to me - which makes me think he has said something to her. Which is fine of course - I really don’t care about that. Bottom line is: I don’t know what to do.

It is midnight at home, I tried to go to bed two hours ago and just could not stop sobbing - so I got up and let it go. It felt good to get it out but I know I need to talk to someone. I have support lines through work I can call, but won’t tonight - far too many drinks and I don’t want to bring that into it as well - but I will call tomorrow. I know I should be upset and angry and not let it go.

But I am afraid when I do talk to a professional they will say I’m blowing it out of proportion. I will still call, but I need to get my head straight first. He is bicycling for seven days - over 400 miles - so as much as I want to tear him a new one right now (especially after his completely insensitive and clueless joke this evening) I have not.

Because I want him home safe and sound.

Regardless of my feelings in this moment - the most important thing is that my children’s dad comes home safe so we can hash this out at least in the same city and not while he is 1,000 miles away. With his mom. And my children.

The internet had OP's back.

yourmomsfatpussi wrote:

It’s not the suspected cheating, it’s the deliberate breaking of trust.

Turbulent_Ebb5669 wrote:

Damn, making a joke about it like that this soon after.

Illustratorslow1614 wrote:

That joke is horrendous. He has no respect for you at all.

OP responded:

It sure does feel that way right now.

Karma1969 wrote:

I can't tell from your two posts if you've really let him know how upset you are or not. If I were your husband, I'd be jumping through hoops right now to reassure you (although if I were your husband I never would have shared a hotel room with another woman). It sounds like you're letting him get on with his life while you gestate this feral alien in your belly.

Why? His act was wildly inappropriate and he should be on his hands and knees begging your forgiveness for his major lapse in judgement. But does he know how upset you are?

You're people pleasing right now. Be selfish. Selfish isn't always bad. Your mental health is important, and he drove a dagger through it. Now he needs to play doctor. Remind him of that, in no uncertain terms. Now isn't the time to "hold back" and pretend nothing happened. Be honest.

OpportunityCalm6825 wrote:

So, he didn't take your feelings into consideration and doubled down? Honestly, it's not normal to share a hotel room with another woman being a married person with spouse. Your response is underwhelming at best. I wouldn't be so kind to him.

A few weeks later, OP shared another update.

I am sorry it has been a bit since I have updated - things have been....a lot. I am also sorry this post is very long. My family came home a day early, so I took two extra days off of work to see them and figure things out with my husband. After we had unloaded and put everything away, we had dinner and watched a show. After putting the boys to bed, my husband and I went to our room.

It was pretty clear he thought he was going to get lucky, because he was very confused when I turned the light on. I told him that I had questions and I needed him to answer them. He was hesitant but agreed. I asked him who this woman is, how old and is she married. I still don't know who she is, but he did confirm she is YOUNGER than me, and not married.

I then asked who made the decision he would be sharing a room with her. He said that his mom said it would be really great if they shared so she could spend the three nights with her boyfriend/not boyfriend. I asked him why he didn't tell me about it, he said he was just so tired and had had such a long day he didn’t think about it. (conflicting with his earlier: I didn't want to upset you...).

He said that he didn't think I would ever question his intentions so why would he think he would have to tell me. I told him it wasn't about questioning his intentions or fidelity, it's that what they did was completely inappropriate and disrespectful to me and our marriage. And at the absolute very least, he should have sent me a quick text explaining the situation. I also told him that his mom is not always right.

He apologized profusely, said he shouldn't have put his mom before me, he didn't think it would be a thing because he would never try to hurt me and he thought I knew that. All the things. And we honestly talked it out and worked through things for a solid few hours. We came to a really good place and connected for the first time in a long while.

Then he went to work the next day - which hurt because I didn't really have the time to be calling in, I am severely behind at work - but I did anyway because I wanted to do the right thing for us and to take care of us. But because he just spent two weeks going all over the country doing something super fun and now he is super behind in his job, he couldn't afford to take anymore time off.

So that really hurt - but I let it go because he really was behind and I at least had the boys that I got to catch up with. That day my mom called to see what we were doing for my birthday which was two days away. I had honestly forgotten about it with everything, so I told her I didn't know and asked if my husband had called her. She said he had not. So I told her I would let her know when we came up with a plan.

That night, I asked him if he had a plan, and he said "oh I don't know, what do you want to do?" And that really really hurt, but I let it go because we have had so much going on. I told him it would be great if we had a BBQ and he invited people and got the groceries and he agreed.

I specifically asked if he would call my mom. He did get some of the groceries, but not all of them. And he did surprise me with a cake. But that was it. I ended up inviting everyone last minute, having to apologize along the way, and had to go to the store twice to get the rest of the things we needed.

At the party, he started showing our friends the pictures from his trip - pictures I haven't even seen yet. I was so mad, upset, frustrated. He didn't catch on. So then it came time for gifts - his was a card game and a backrub. I felt like I was just slapped in the face. To be clear: I don't place a high value on gifts - if you get me something great, if you don't, that's fine.

But he didn't get me anything for Mother's Day, but I got him a whole slew of things for Father's day for his trip and an xbox game he wanted. (I also planned each of those days by myself). And he just went to the other side of the country, and all he thought to grab for me was a card game? I didn't want to fight in front of our friends, so I let it be. I didn't really expect more than that anyway - but it still hurt.

Then I went back to work and things were...meh. Anything he did irritated me. Anything his mom did irritated me. I was getting so frustrated and sad and angry and just not myself. Then I had a medical issue (something that pokes it's little head back up every five years like clock work, but I had been ignoring because of everything going on) come back and I went to our urgent care to take care of it.

But I had to take care of all sorts of things first so that me going to the dr. didn't hamper my husbands day, so I was really irritated in the morning. It didn't help that his mom came over and I just can't handle her right now. It also didn't help that he told me that morning about all the plans he had come up with for our sons birthday in a few weeks.

I was mad at myself for being upset (i should be stoked my husband is thinking about our son and wanting to give him a great birthday party) but I was so deflated and sad and angry in that moment. But he had to go to work so I left it alone. So before I went, I sent him a text apologizing for being irritated. I told him that I'm not in a good place mentally or physically and am really struggling.

He asked how he could help, and I responded that I really didn't know. And then I saw the dr. and he referred me to surgery. This will be the third time I have had surgery for this. I was so frustrated and sad and hurt, I decided to just put it all out there. And since he can't seem to find the time to actually talk to me, I texted him a novel. Laying out everything that is on my mind.

The trip, my birthday, him not taking time, my sons birthday, all of it. After an hour he had not responded, so I sent him another text saying that maybe he could just tell me I'm not crazy and we will get through this together, or something like that at least. He responded to that saying that he loves me and has lots to say but can't say it over the phone. So then I went to work and did the things.

I felt a little better he didn't discredit all of my frustrations so things were...ok. That night he called to tell me he loved me and was going to take the next day off to spend with me (it was also my day off). I was pretty darn stoked. The next day I asked him what were the things he wanted to say. And he said he didn't want to say it in front of the kids.

So then that I night I asked him again, and he said that we have been having such a great day, he didn't want to ruin it and me get all emotional so he wasn't going to say it then. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut. So wait - you have been so nice since I texted you, but now I'm going to be sad and upset? What is going on?

It is now the next day, and I just asked him again. He completely blew me off and went to town to pick up our son from camp. I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. I can only ask him to talk to me so many times. He doesn't share his thoughts or emotions often, but I would think he would do it now right? I don't know what to do.

The commenters were deeply invested.

cthulularoo wrote:

Holy sh-t, you're not even an afterthought to this guy. You're don't have any importance in his life. You're just there. He'll just tell you stuff to get you off his case and then just keep ignoring you.

OP responded:

That is definitely how I feel.

Thank you! I have used our system, but I still have to call. They helped narrow it down but I have to make an appointment- I get 6 free sessions which is great. I just need someone to call me back 😞 Thank you for the advice - I will try. I did get in two chapters of the book I’m reading this week, and have taken extra time with my boys. I needed that ❤️

Ladyvett wrote:

I think that woman on the trip was more important than he’s letting on. His mother would not be welcome in my house again until she apologizes to my face. No more trips alone for any reason for a very long time. He needs to have consequences and you’re letting him coast. He’s trying to wait you out.

Dachshundmom5 wrote:

I don't know why you just keep "letting things go" and deluding yourself that you're in a good place. Your husband was in a hotel room with a younger woman for days. He gaslit you that it's no big deal and acting like you're the crazy one for thinking it's a problem. In what world are things okay after that? How much of a doormat has he made you that 1 conversation blows that over?

Your MIL set him up to cheat on you. In no world is him sharing a room with a younger single woman appropriate. He knows that. She knows that. If you think he's a good boy, I don't know what kind of blinders you have on or kool aid you're drinking, but stop. He blew off your birthday. He couldn't even muster going to the grocery store. Let alone sending some texts.

He was away from you for 2 weeks and couldn't even bring you some postcards from along the way? My son was on a school trip for 4 days. He brought me all kinds of little things because he was in a gas station and saw this pretty postcard I would like. Or at this gift shop and thought that key chain was something I would like. So, your husband is less considerate than a teenager on a school trip with all his teenage buddies?

He gives you BS and BS and just pretends things are fine. You lay it all out there via text and again, he blows you off. Gives you some love b*mbing in the form of family time, and expects to sweep it under the rug. He's hoping to wait you put before you find out what he actually did in that hotel room. Or how many times he's met that woman before.

Or just to make sure he can feed you BS after betraying your marriage with his mom's help and you'll just ignore it. At some point, you have to acknowledge you have a sh-ty husband and a VERY unhealthy marriage. How many ways does he have to show you you're not a priority, he doesn't respect you, and he could not care less about your feelings before you believe him?

Ten days later, OP shared another update.

I apologize for the late update - my health took a pretty drastic turn for the worse for a minute. But no worries, all is good now. And I had a really good talk with my Dr. about putting myself first and she is getting me in touch with a counselor.

Now, for the update: it's barely an update, and for that I'm sorry.

When I finally did get him to tell me what he wanted to say (he ended up saying it in front of the boys anyway) he only brought up two things I had talked about in the novel I had sent him.

The first was that I was going to look for a counselor. He said he loved that idea and that it really helped him when he was talking to one. Then he brought up that I had mentioned how much weight I have gained since the birth of our last child. He said that he still finds me crazy attractive, as should be evident by the fact that he still shows up in bed.

Then he started talking about what I shouldn't be doing if I wanted to lose weight, and apologizing for the fact that he and the boys have ridiculous metabolisms and don't have to worry about it. I asked him to stop trying to give me weight loss advice - that wasn't the point of me telling him. I asked if there was anything else he wanted to say and he said no. Just those two things.

So at this point this is where I am at: My husband did not cheat on me - I do know this is true. I am still not in a good place because of so many things happening at once - so I am seeking help Thanks for the advice and support from most of you. But this is my last post on this. I won't be able to actually work on my marriage reading some of these responses.

The comments kept coming.

AnonThrowAway072023 wrote:

Wow, well it is your life not anyone else's. His idea of treating you with love and respect and honor, and make up for his MANY missteps is to try and make you less fat. But don't worry, he still wants to f- you as is.

I really hope for the best for you. Like most following your story I think he treats you like crap and beyond taking you for granted. He won't change because he feels he isn't behaving wrong. You deserve a better happier life, I'm so so sorry.

Impressive-Arm4668 wrote:

"It should be evident by the fact that he still shows up in bed" is a WILD statement to me 💀

UtzCHPs22 wrote:

Hi OP,

It sounds like you've made up your mind, so trying to make you see what's in front of you when your eyes are closed is impossible. Clearly, the you deserve better argument is going nowhere.

Listen to this though, the way he treats you is the example he's setting for your kids. If you have a daughter, think what you would tell her if her husband treated her like her daddy treats mommy. I wish you all the best OP, truly. And I hope that your marriage is what you want it to be and you are happy.

start46 wrote:

I've been following this since the first post and I just can't believe after everything and how you were feeling this is how he responds to it. He shared a room with another women lied, joked about it etc etc now all the sudden seems like everything is turned around to make it like a you problem.

He completely disrespected you and couldn't even sit down and have a conversation with you just turns everything around. I hope once you work on yourself you realize what a d-k he is. But also please get tested and keep an eye on his phone and stuff because I'm not convinced nothing happened.

Over a week later, OP shared another update.

My husband shared a room with another woman in Vegas last month and did not communicate properly (or at all until I pretty much found out on accident) - we have hashed it out for the most part at this point. We have also come to a good place concerning other things in my earlier posts - I heard those of you calling me stupid and a doormat.

I also heard those of you lending support, kindness and advice. Thank you for both BTW. So - I called him out, really talked to him about how I was feeling and we are good. Obviously I have a lot of work to do on my own, and will include him in that growth when needed.

This morning he got a message request on Facebook from a throwaway fake account. Something along the lines of: “I heard you had a good time in Vegas - do you know what your wife thinks?” He showed this to me willingly and as a question like “do you possibly know who this is or why they would send this?” Very innocent and open - as we have discussed in the last few weeks.

At first I thought this message came from someone on Reddit. So I deleted my posts - of course I have found my posts on several other websites - so I’m sure it will get back to him eventually. I wasn't sure how, but I thought maybe someone tracked him down. I'll be honest: that idea did not make me feel very safe.

However: one of the things mentioned in the Facebook message is not something I shared here. Which got me thinking and racking my brain. There are two people I have told ALL of the details to - and neither one of them would ever send him a message like this.

They are friends with both of us and have helped me see all sides in this situation. They would have given him crap - not called him out like this. Then I thought - well s-t. Maybe it’s a friend or BOYfriend of this woman (I know her name - I just can’t place her face, so don’t know who she is) and maybe he/they just found out.

And maybe this person has information that I don’t have. So - I have messaged several accounts with that name and picture with the same message: “did you message my husband" and "I don’t want to start a fight with you if you did - I just need some answers if you have them” hoping to get a response from the account that actually messaged my husband.

He is at work - when he gets home I will check his phone for any info (again) and link his messages on the computer so I can see. I’m not going to be a doormat, but I also have a hard time believing my husband would cheat on me.

Well…I guess right now in this moment I don’t - but I digress. If he did cheat, he has been pretty darn open with communication in the last couple of weeks and showing me this message makes it extra hard to believe. But I still have this pit in my stomach and I need to find some answers so I can move past this. Either way, I will not be posting this until after I go through his phone and link his messages.

I could not find anything on his phone. I also could not get the messenger app to link properly to the computer - so I am still in the blind hoping for a response from someone. I just told him my theory that it is the other woman’s friend/boyfriend trying to start trouble.

He says he doesn’t think so. Says he is sure it came from our conversations via text and phone. Like a phishing scam. I have no words. If he actually thinks this is what happened - he has lost his mind. If he is trying to pass this off so I don’t question him anymore - well now I’m pissed. I’ll be talking to his mom tomorrow.

The internet was invested.

JaydenB44 wrote:

I’m betting he’s aware of the original posts. Maybe he’s wondering if you’re fishing for details and behind the odd account. Or the woman is staging the message to point the finger back at you or just to let you know they’re aware of the posts. So may things to wonder about. I felt awful over your last post and I genuinely believe that you’re being gaslit by a pro.

The way he’s turned your focus inward by playing on your insecurities and making you feel like you are to blame for the actions he won’t admit to while making you fear losing your family and home. It’s gross. It feels like his mom is in on things. I think you need to check email accounts. Text messages. Look for verification codes. Look at sent emails. Confirmation emails or texts.

Look at deleted emails and texts. Look at battery usage in his phone settings. Comb through credit card statements for charges. Look at his email threads with his mom and friends where it may have been discussed. Look at phone records and call logs. Look at his notes or memo apps. Search your name in his phone. Search “wife”. What apps have been downloaded, deleted, reinstalled?

Like I honestly feel he has you so afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing and worried about your weight that you have blindly accepted the most BS answers on the entire situation. He kept putting you off. Which raises another thing, seriously, dig through the finances. Has any money or investment accounts been moved around?

Moved into his mother’s name, placed in a trust, liquidated, or credit debt climbing suddenly? I think you need to look into everything for your own sanity. Because the entire situation is beyond fishy.

OP responded:

She doesn’t have a Facebook or any social media that I can find. Believe me, I have tried. That’s part of why I have been driving myself crazy with this. But - I will be talking to my MIL tomorrow about all this. Hopefully I can get some real answers then.

NoMoreWordsToConquer wrote:

OP, take a step back.

You have wracked your brain over this relationship for weeks. YOU have initiated talks with your husband every time to fix the relationship.

YOU have held your tongue, suffering in silence, until it’s a good time for HIM, even though his actions are the ones that have been oddly inconsiderate for a supposedly loving husband. You’re missing the forest for the trees. Him showing you messages means nothing, because how long did it take you to wrangle him for a conversation?

Why are YOU the one carrying the relationship? Why isn’t HE concerned about how YOU feel?

You need to take a break from this, to go with family/ friends/ whoever your support network is and look at this situation with a clear head.

Let HIM and his MOM handle the kids for a bit. Let HIM be worried about who you’re talking to, if you’re displeased with him etc. In the meantime, hire a PI and tail his ass, because he sounds like he’s gaslighting you. For the sake of your kids and your mental health, you need to put yourself first.

Dachshundmom5 wrote:

Reddit didn't message your husband. The only connection would be if someone who knows your husband, knew about the Vegas affair trip and that he took a 2nd trip right after it, and put the post and their personal knowledge together. It isn't some random reddit user somehow tracking your husband down.

I find it incredibly sad that you find it more likely that some random reddit person somehow tracked down your husband with no prior knowledge of your family than you do that your crappy husband is in fact a horrible spouse who cheated on you.

I hope you get the therapy you need and one day realize you deserve better than this guy playing you and then telling you "hey you're chubby, but I'll still sleep with you" and think he's a good guy.

Neither_Building_306 wrote:

The very fact that you feel the need to message random bitches on Facebook to see if they are communicating with your husband means you have a very unhealthy situation. You aren’t going to be able to solve this with random Internet strangers and can consider other problem-solving techniques, such as seeking a counseling and separation from this man who is clearly not a trustworthy partner.

It is so highly unlikely that someone online had anything to do with messaging your partner based on your posts that I think you could discount this area of investigation. In fact, I think it might be a good idea to take a step back, and maybe have less social media in your life.