'AITA for telling my best friend to leave our apartment when she brought her baby daddy?'

"AITA for telling my best friend to leave our apartment when she brought her baby daddy without my knowledge?"

So my (F20) best friend (F22) moved in with me recently because she broke up with her baby daddy, and she needed some time to get back on her feet. I told her she can move in with me if she pays half the rent. She has twins about a year and a half old. I do not get along with her ex at all.

He cheated on her multiple times, has no sense of fatherhood hasn’t been there or contributed at all in the twins’ lives. Tried to cheat on her WITH ME, and tried to fight my boyfriend when I rejected him for obvious reasons. Basically my only rule is that the BD (babydaddy) is not to be in the apartment because I don’t trust him. He is also known for st-aling.

I left with my mother today around 10am to help clean her house and told my friend I wouldn’t be back until the evening. My mom got tired doing yard work around 1:30pm and she said to call it a day and took me home early. I come home to see her bd on the couch.

My friend comes running out begging for forgiveness that it's just for a little bit that he wants to see the babies, he wants to try to work things out. I was like cool. Get out. Go to a hotel or something you know the rules. I'm going to the bank, if he’s still here when I come back you can pack your things too because I'm over it.

She cried really hard to forgive her she's just in a bad spot and doesn’t know what to do. I told her I don’t mind what her decisions are, but I don’t want him in the apartment it was my only rule. You didn’t even try asking me. I went to the bank and they left before I got back.

I feel bad for making her cry. Maybe I should have been more calm? I didn’t yell or anything I was just really annoyed (think stern). I still am. AITA for how I went about it? If any extra context is needed, I will happily share!

The internet had lots of thoughts and questions in response.

sourdoughs8n wrote:

NTA she had ONE RULE to abide by. She broke it, naturally there is always some finding out to f-king around. I’d be pissed because now that fool knows where you live and what’s in your house, it’s very unfortunate for your friend but she is going to burn every bridge with this stunt until the only island left is that man; and that’s very sad for her and the kids.

OP responded:

EXACTLYYYYYYYYYYYY THIS THIS. I did not want him knowing where I lived! He has sent his friends to my workplace before to hit on me and give me my phone number out so much I have changed it 3 times. This is the first time I have seen him in a year and supposedly they began talking again for 6 months.

She moved in with me because her sister had to move due to a job change and didn't have enough saved yet for her own apartment and daycare. I knew NOTHING about this, or that she was talking with her bd again. Until today. He is st*lkerish and creepy. Manipulative. Dumb af.

Cassof85 wrote:

NTA you set your boundaries and she broke through them without a second thought. She could have literally met him anywhere else but snuck him in anyways with no regard for your feelings. The fact that you came home early and caught her doing so is probably lucky on your part. If you hadn’t, she likely would have done it over and over again. How can you live with someone who disrespects you like this?

OP responded:

I’m distraught at the moment because I love her kids and her. We have been pretty much inseparable since they were born and she just keeps letting this AH trample all over her constantly and it breaks my heart.

Almost everyone has turned their backs on her because of it but I just cant do it...today is the first day that I’ve actually borderline lost it though...I'm very sick of it and i feel super betrayed.

Bobochew wrote:

NTA and don't think this is the first time he has been over. It's just the first time you caught them. The guy is a creep and steals and who knows what else and she brought this to your home. Your safe place. I have no doubt he's had a look around your room and your things.

Remind yourself of that if you waver on making her leave. People like this have no problem laying trouble at your doorstep and crying crocodile tears when it suits them. I feel sorry for the children growing up with this but it is her responsibility not yours.

OP responded:

This is what my boyfriend said. If he was so comfy on the couch didn't even say sorry he just chuckled at me and said “don't worry your pretty head about us, we aren't done yet”. I almost smashed his sk-ll in. My boyfriend wanted to come over but by the time I got back like 20 minutes later they had left. I'm so mad I am seriously debating ending the friendship over this.

saintandvillain wrote:

NTA. Go ahead and help her pack her stuff. Her bd treats her poorly because she allows it and she’s not ready to learn boundaries. If she doesn’t hold him accountable for how he treats her, she’s not going to hold him accountable for how he treats you and your home. Go ahead and get rid of both of them before it gets worse and she damages your friendship.

longjumpingbanana115 wrote:

NTA, you both agreed on those rules, and your friend obviously knew she was in the wrong or she wouldn't have been so upset at getting caught. I get it, I'm sure she is confused, but you have a right to be safe and comfortable in your own home. She knew the rules when she agreed to move it. Its not like you're saying she can't see him at all, just not in the apartment!

responsivehydra wrote:

The tears aren't because you held your ground. The tears are because she was caught breaking your rule. If you had come back in the evening and not known the BD was there, she wouldn't have wept a tear. You feeling bad and conceding your home was her objective. Don't feel bad.

Somuchmoreeagle wrote:

NTA. She could have met him at his place, at Starbucks, or the park. Anywhere but your apartment where she knew he was not welcome. The fact that she did it behind your back when she thought you wouldn't know is worse, since now you know you can't trust her word that she won't do it again.

lifelearnlove wrote:

You offered to help her out, on one condition, bd was never to be at your apartment. You never expectations of her not seeing him, or even getting back together, just that he was never to come to your apartment. NTA, and good on you for standing your ground. If she can’t respect your rules for your home you can bet that he won’t either.