'AITA for blowing up at my 'best friend' after she used my BF to make another guy jealous?'

"AITA for telling off my 'best friend' after she used my boyfriend to make another guy jealous?"

I made a post on my profile before about this same friend. If you would like a in depth back story and other stories that involve the messed up shenanigans, please revert to my profile and read the previous post***

So the story goes like this; this girl (26f) and I (27f) have been best friends for the past 3 years. We met at my first job that I had in this new city I moved to. At first it was great. Not too long after we met, I mentioned that I have a boyfriend and told her a little about him (his career, age, etc.).

I then showed her a picture of him (like a proud girlfriend low key wanting to show off her boyfriend) as expected and she immediately said "oh damn he's cute!" and proceeded to ask me a little bit more about him but not much and I thought that was it.

Fast forward to the first time she met him. We all went to dinner about a month after us first meeting at work. It was the first time she met my boyfriend in person. Throughout the dinner, she mainly spoke to him and only a little to me. As time went on, I didn't think too much about it. I just thought they were friends and that was that.

She asked for his number one day and I didn't think twice about giving it to her since she was my best friend. She began texting him every so often just saying hello to asking to hang out without me. My boyfriend being a polite southern boy didn't really reply back too often because he was working. When asked to hang out without me, he would politely decline and tell me immediately.

He said "it never felt right when she asked me to hang out without you. Isn't she supposed to be your friend first?". Keep in mind; she never told me or brought up in conversation that she asked my boyfriend to hang out with her alone. He always told me first and right when it happened or right when he could if he was at work.

A few months later, she started asking about him. When she would ask me to dinner she always asked if he was coming or if he was at work. If I told her that he was working or busy, she would offer to go to his workplace and wait until he got off so he could go with us. Then when we would go to dinner together, she would always hug him first before she looked at me.

She did this every time we arrived and departed. After that it advanced to she would make him tell her that he loved her. As in tease him in saying "oh he doesn't love me" just to make him say that he loved her. He came to me several times saying that it made him uncomfortable and that it was weird that she always made an emphasis to make him say that he loved her.

One day we invited her over to eat brunch with us. My boyfriend (26m) is a chef and loves to cook. He was cooking us brunch when she called me to talk about one of her topics she loved to deep dive into about herself. Thinking nothing of it, we invite her over to eat. After all, we had more than enough food and she's a friend, right? As usual, he was her first target upon her arrival.

He always showed PDA between us around her but ever since she started focusing more on him, he started to make it a point of every time we hung out. Not in an overbearing way but subtle enough to take the hint. After getting her food, she was talking about this guy she was snap chatting who was a long time friend that she liked.

As we were talking, I take our dishes to the sink and start gathering things to begin the clean up of the kitchen. I proceed to look over my shoulder and she is all over my boyfriend.. Phone in hand and recording it all on snapchat for this guy. She was hugging on him and again made him say he loved her. She almost went as far as sitting in his lap.

I was so furious I couldn't speak. He was consistently trying to get away from her and mentioning my name and trying to insert me in the conversation as much as possible. She ended the video and said " ha! I bet that will make him jealous". Finally able to get away from her, he comes back over to me and wraps me in his arms. No doubt he saw the complete rage in my facial expression.

She informs us of the guy's reply and is beaming with victory as she can tell it did the trick. My boyfriend insists and continues to bring up "hey why don't you send a picture or video of me and [redacted] together? then he won't be as jealous". She completely disregarded his statements as if he never said them. She finally leaves and my boyfriend and I talk about what the f- just happened. He is just as stunned as I am.

Three days later, she asks me to dinner as if nothing happened. At this point, I've had it. So I voice my feelings:

her: dinner tonight?

me: no.

her: oh. busy?

me: nope. I just don't want to go to dinner with a "friend" who uses my boyfriend as bait to make other guys jealous. IN MY OWN HOUSE IN FRONT OF ME NO LESS.

her: that wasn't my intention. I'm sorry if you took it that way..

me: BS it wasn't. You said out loud "this will make him jealous". And my boyfriend made several statements about telling the guy the truth and sending him pictures of us together but you acted like he never spoke.

Needless to say, we didn't speak after that. AITA for being mad? Did I over react?

What do you think? AITA? Did he overreact? This is what top commenters had to say:

SarahIsJustHere said:

NTA for blowing up at her but YTA for not saying something to her much earlier when she started to make your partner feel uncomfortable.

businessbaked01 said:

I think you're the AH solely because you stayed friends with a girl even though your boyfriend expressed she made him feel uncomfortable several times....

Think about it OP, if the situation was reversed and he had a friend that was all over you, trying to get you to hang out alone, overly affectionate, and you kept telling your boyfriend made you uncomfortable, wouldn't you feel like shit to have to keep being exposed to this creepy guy? Your boyfriend deserves a better girlfriend that's for sure

Aur0raB0r3ali5 said:

After the first month, I wanted to stop reading because it shouldn’t have gotten any further than that. The fact that you’ve let this keep happening for three years is insanity and really brings your character into question.

Pixie974 said:

YTA for staying friends with someone who made your boyfriend so uncomfortable. Why do you treat him like this? The jealousy thing isn’t even the main problem, you let that woman sexually harass your boyfriend in front of you several times and did nothing.

In an earlier post, OP shared a post with more context on why she's begun questioning her friendship with this woman:

Yes you read that correctly. I think I'm starting to hate my "best friend".. I (27f) am recently questioning my "best friend" (26f) of 3 years. I met her back 3 years ago when I moved to my current city. We started working together at my first job here and ended up getting really close.

We were both CNAs and we always helped each other and created a bond that only those in the medical field know about. In the last 2 years I've seen changes.. First thing I noticed was the fact that she mostly wanted to talk about herself. Sometimes she let me vent or get a word in for a little bit but not for long.

She would listen to me for maybe 5 minutes before returning the conversation and the subject back to her and her life. We would spend hours talking about things happening in her life or dissecting situations that she has been in or things others has said to her. Of course I would give my opinion of the statement or situation that she was asking about but she would mostly disregard it or discredit it.

Tune into about a year into our friendship. My biological father and I weren't close. He was in prison the majority of my life and I never talked to him much. He hardly made an effort to reach out to me to actually act like a father and I made it clear I didn't need him. I grew up and lived 21 years without him and let him know that he had one chance to be a father to me and if he messed up then that was that.

As you can imagine, he reached out consistently for about a month then spotty for the next 4 years. One December day, I got a phone call at work informing me that my father had passed of a heart attack and I was his next of kin.. Freaked out at first because I had no idea what that meant or what it would entail, I high tailed it to the hospital where he was to talk to the doctor and nurse.

In the following months, dealing with greedy family members, controlling "aunts" (we hardly spoke and I wasn't raised around them. They never made the attempt to reach out my entire life until this point) and an estate lawyer was a lot for me. I tried to talk to her about what I was feeling and not unloading on here my any means but simply trying to vent every now and then like best friends should be able to do for each other.

After all, I was always there to listen to her vents and rants.. She again would spend maybe 5-10 minutes on talking about what I was feeling or what I was venting about then immediately turn the subject back to her. It was no secret to the close people around me that I received quite a bit of money proceeding the death of my father. Before you say anything, no I never expected to get anything out of his passing.

I was more concerned about letting him go in dignity and peace and giving him the honor of being my father than anything else. I was learning everything about the legal side of things as I went. Soon after I received the proceeds, she would ask me or my boyfriend and I to dinner every night and when the check came she would expect me to pay.

At first I didn't mind because she was my best friend, right? But then she started dropping hints about being afraid of bills and needing a new MacBook. I never obliged and acted like I never heard the comments because I convinced my self that she wasn't that shallow.

Sometime last year she checked herself into the ER due to depression. At my past workplace I transported psych patients to psychiatric hospitals to get the care/help they needed. I loved it and loved (most) of the patients. One day, I saw her name on the board of calls and it just so happened to be assigned to me.

Naturally, I immediately text her and freak out when she doesn't answer my calls and texts. I get to the ER just hoping that its a coincidence and its not her. To my demise, it was her.. I ran to her room and hugged her. We transported her to a psychiatric hospital and of course I asked if she wanted me to do anything for her. She asked me to contact her mom after we dropped her off to let her know that she made it safely.

Of course I did what she asked and her mother cried and freaked out on the phone with me. Keep in mind; she never let me inside her house or meet her mother. I obviously asked to meet her mother multiple times but she denied every time. Although she would talk to her mom on the phone while we were in the car together but I was never allowed to speak.

She would tell her mom that she was with me or hanging out with me but never allowed me to speak to her. With that background story, this was my first time ever I was speaking to her mother.

I stayed on the phone with her for 15 minutes calming her down and assuring her that her daughter was at a good hospital and that I was always here for both of them if she needed anything. I vividly remember her mom saying " I'm so glad she has a friend like you and I'm glad I got to talk to you" before she hung up.

Fast forward to the last 6 months. The unimaginable happened. Her mother passed suddenly and she and her mother were very close. She lived with her mother because she was taking care of her as she was sick. My boyfriend (26m) and I have offered every single opportunity of support she could possibly need.

Always there for her whenever she needs and whenever she needs to vent about anything. I checked in on her every day and made sure to talk to her every day. I offered to clean her house for her and bring her food. You name it and she needed it? I did it or at least tried my best to make it happen.

Fast forward yet again to the recent month. We were at dinner one night and talking about one of her many topics she loves to dive deep into. Her mother came up into the conversation and I mentioned that I was sad I never got to meet her in person but I'm glad I was able to speak to her before she passed. She then said shortly "oh my mom never liked you".

Confused I told her about the phone call where I spoke to her mom after her entrance to the hospital and she said "yeah she never liked you". She then, in her fashion, reverted back to the previous conversation yet again about her. Since her mother's passing, I have helped her with getting her house together and adjusting to living alone.

Always making sure she's honest with her psychiatrist and therapist and ensuring that she's taking her medications as prescribed. Thinking that she's my best friend, I ask her to watch my animals while my boyfriend and I go on vacation. I'm sure to ask her 3 months in advance to give plenty of notice.

She immediately declines and gives a reason as to why she can't. I brush it away and assure her that it's okay. This past week she asks me to watch her animals while she's away and I say yes. I don't mind helping people.

Now looking back, I'm beginning to question our entire friendship. The rose colored lenses are beginning to dissipate and looking at all behaviors, I think I'm beginning to hate her. A part of me wants to rationalize this as I'm over reacting. But, am I really?