'AITA for blocking my BFF after she tried to make me pay for catering at her son's birthday?' UPDATED 3X

"AITA for blocking my childhood best friend after she tried to make me pay for the catering at her son's first birthday?"

So here’s the thing—me (28F) and Anna (28F) have been best friends since forever. Like, we grew up together, went through school, first breakups, everything. Naturally, when she had her baby, I was thrilled for her. I even helped plan the baby shower and got super involved in her life as a new mom. But recently, things have gotten weird.

Anna’s son turned one last weekend, and she wanted to throw a huge party. I'm talking over-the-top: rented venue, professional catering, decorations, the whole shebang. Now, I thought we were just going to have a nice little family-and-friends thing, but nope, Anna had a vision.

Fine, no biggie. I figured she could do whatever made her happy for her son’s big day. Fast forward to a week before the party. Anna starts hinting that she’s “a little stressed” about costs and how “tight things are right now.” I get it, having a baby is expensive, but she kept bringing it up in every conversation.

I offered to help with decorations or pick up some snacks, but she waved it off, saying she had everything under control. The day of the party comes, and it’s chaos, balloons everywhere, a bouncy house, tons of people I didn’t even know. I show up early to help set up, and Anna’s running around like a headless chicken.

Then, as we’re putting out the decorations, she casually says, “Oh, by the way, I put the catering on your card.”

I hadn’t even seen a catering bill, let alone agreed to pay for one. “Uh, what do you mean you put it on my card?” I asked, trying to stay calm.

She looked at me like I was being dramatic and goes, “Yeah, you know I’ve been struggling. I figured you wouldn’t mind covering it, and I’ll pay you back later.” Excuse me?!

First of all, I never once said she could use my card, and second, I had no clue how much this catering even cost. When I asked, she shrugged and said, “Only about $500. It’s not a big deal.” $500! For food I didn’t even order or agree to pay for.

I told her no way. I wasn’t paying for something she never asked permission for, and frankly, I didn’t have that kind of money just lying around. She acted all shocked and hurt, saying I was being selfish and how it was her son’s first birthday. As if I’m supposed to go into debt for a party I didn’t even throw! We had a massive argument in front of some of her other friends, and I ended up leaving early.

Later that night, she blew up my phone with texts saying I ruined her son’s day, that I was being a terrible friend, and how I didn’t understand how hard things are for her right now. I just couldn’t believe the audacity. After everything, I blocked her. I couldn’t deal with the guilt-tripping, especially over something so ridiculous.

Now, some mutual friends have reached out, saying I was too harsh and that I should’ve just helped her out because “she’s struggling.” But I feel like she crossed a line. You don’t just throw someone’s money into your plans without asking them, right?

So, AITA for blocking her? Or did I overreact?\

Not long after posting, OP shared a small update.

EDIT: To everyone asking why she has access to my card is still a question to me. Maybe she went through my things when I visited her to help babysit her son a day before his birthday. On how she did it?

I don't know, but I already filed a dispute with my bank about the charge. I will be checking my card to see if there are any other things she purchased using my card. I really can't imagine that she could do this to me.

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

Throwaway-420-2021 wrote:

NTA. The audacity of some people… quick question: Why would your friend have your card to begin with? That struck me as odd…

OP responded:

That is the question I was asking myself as well. I was so caught up in the moment that it didn't hit me on how she had access to my card number.

PetroGradSWE wrote:

NTA. That's fraud...

Also if one is "struggling" one doesn't spend $500 on a one year old's birthday party. Your former friend is ridiculous.

Ok-Try-857 wrote:

NTA. She st-le from you. St-le. From. You. There’s no good reason for this behavior. Dispute the charges with your credit card company. Tell them your friend used your card by mistake. She is NOT struggling. Struggling is working and still not being able to save or cover living expenses.

The party was for her, not a 1 yr old baby.

I'm glad you cut her off. If anyone asks you about it, tell them the truth, “She took $500 from me to pay for the catering at her one-year-old's birthday party.”

If she gets blow back it’s not your problem. She shouldn’t have done the thing that would cause her embarrassment if she didn’t want to be humiliated. Don’t further enable her by making up a more palatable version. I’m sorry your friend betrayed you like this. Nothing about her behavior is normal.

FairyCamila wrote:

NTA. You are NTA for blocking your friend. It's completely unacceptable for her to use your credit card without your permission, especially for such a large expense. Her actions were not only inconsiderate but also financially irresponsible. You have every right to be upset and to protect yourself from further financial exploitation.

A day later, OP shared an update.

I never expected this to blow up—thank you all for your advice. I have already filed a dispute with my credit card company. I also told her parents about the incident, and they were shocked by her behavior.

They said they would talk to her. I figured they already did because after I told them what happened, she stormed over to my house, ranting about why I was making such a big deal by telling her parents and reminding me that we’ve been best friends who literally grew up together.

I explained where she went wrong, but instead of taking accountability, she accused me of being selfish. She clearly isn’t in the right mind. I don’t know if she’s experiencing postpartum issues, but I’m not going to tolerate this kind of treatment. I also told her that if she didn’t stop h-rassing me over a problem she created, I will file a restraining order.

As for the money she used, I’ve decided to follow your advice and press charges, so she can (hopefully) learn her lesson. For those doubting if this story is real, I wish it wasn’t. Not only was my trust shattered, but so was my heart.

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

toxicrayofsunshine wrote:

Your ex-friend sounds entitled af. You may want to seriously consider canceling the card she used and getting a new one issued. I know it's a pain but you never know if she'll use it again to be petty. You're still NTA but it sounds like you could use some better friends.

Maya2661 wrote:

Good job.

I don't know what is wrong with her, but it's not normal behavior. It's crazy.

I_Dont_Like_Rice wrote:

It's amazing how formerly reasonable people turn into entitled monsters once they have a child. Like the world owes them. I lost a best friend when she had her kid, too, OP. I was the one who held her hand as she gave birth. We parted ways without the explosive grenade lobbing though. Sorry you lost your friend. Let us know what happens with the charges you filed.

A_Man_Duh2008 wrote:

Real sorry this happened to you, however, sometimes we outgrow people and this is clearly one person you lacks maturity and accountability. Hopefully pressing charges will get her to wake up, but in either case it’s time to move on! Keep us posted!

A few days later, OP shared another update.

Hi everyone, this is part three of the story. I really appreciate all your kind words. I have already sorted out everything with my bank and they told me the process would be 7-10 business days.

I also requested a change of credit card because I don't know if she still has access for my card. She's still trying to prove a point on how I am a bad friend to her. I changed all my locks because she has a key to my house as she was my childhood best friend after all and shared almost everything with her.

My siblings and parents all went to my house after they heard what happened to keep an eye on me. I am now considering moving to another city because of what happened. Some of our mutual friends also apologized to me for defending her, apparently she told our friends that the catering was my idea and that she only spent $100 for it using my card.

They didn't know it was $500 until one of them saw the post on here. Anna also saw the post and went berserk because she said I was ruining her image when I didn't even mention her full name and there are literally millions of Anna in the world. And for everyone asking on how she got a hold of my card, like I said on my previous be post, I was asking myself the same question.

It might be that she was snooping through my things while I wasn't paying attention, it might be when I was babysitting for her so she can get some rest. I really don't know and she won't say as to how she got my credit card as well because she felt like she doesn't have to explain anything because we are "best friends."

Anyways, this will be the last time that I will post about this on here as I will be taking this to court since things already got out of hand and she resulted to threatening me. I never expected that our 20+ years of friendship will end like this, my heart is broken and my mental health is unstable right now and she's one of the reason why.

Thank you again everyone for all of your kind words and advices.She won't stop on proving her point so I filed a restraining order. My siblings and parents are also doing their utmost best to help me get through this.

The comments kept coming in.

Puzzleheaded_Pay431 wrote:

Sorry about everything you're going through. Good luck moving forward.

Leather-Spell8873 wrote:

You definitely did the right thing by blocking her and getting a restraining order. No one should feel unsafe in their own home, especially after sharing so much. It's sad that a 20+ year friendship could end like this, but your mental health and safety come first. If she’s willing to go to these lengths, it’s better to cut ties.

Beautiful_Choice8620 wrote:

So sorry that this happened to you; however, I am glad that you pressed charges against this person because she was definitely not your friend. Friends do not steal from each other and they definitely do not threaten you for standing up for yourself. Good luck in court and I know you said you wouldn't update anymore, but we would love to know the final outcome.

xmimicutex wrote:

Honestly, you’re definitely NTA. Your “friend” crossed so many lines—taking your credit card without permission is straight-up theft. Like, who does that to someone they’ve known for 20+ years? And the fact she’s doubling down instead of apologizing says everything about her.

Good for you for protecting yourself and getting a restraining order. She’s trying to play the victim, but in reality, she’s just mad she got caught. It sucks, but people show their true colors when money’s involved. I’d cut her off for good. Keep your head up!