'AITA for blocking and silently moving on from my cheating fiance? My parents want us to talk.' UPDATED

"AITAH for blocking and silently moving on from my cheating fiance?"

I (31F) dated my ex-fiance Jose (33M) for five years, and we had been engaged for about 6 "real" months. We had a really good relationship. I thought he and I were going to end up being together for the rest of our lives and build a family. To make a long story short, I found out he had been cheating on me with a coworker for about 9 months (yes, before the engagement).

At first, I was beyond mad, and my first impulse was to find ways to literally ruin his and her life. But honestly, after about 16 hours of thinking (and crying) about it (he was on a work trip), I figured anything I did would be a waste of time, and since my goal was to start a family, I felt like I didn't really have any more time to waste on someone who obviously isn't going to be in my life in the long-term (or short-term).

So I just...let go? I packed all my things, asked my dad to help me move them back into the family home so I could get situated, and literally just started moving forward with my life. I just let him have anything that was "ours"; something about those items seemed foreign to me now, and I didn't really want to associate with it.

I left the ring at the house. By about halfway through the second day, while I was moving my stuff, he started to really push the envelope on getting me on the phone, but I just continued to dodge. I had to un-do some things (there were no joint bank accounts, but some other accounts/things that we shared) that I had to untangle, but our lives were pretty separate.

By the third day, still without saying anything to him, I blocked him and asked my parents not to discuss anything with him (they, of course, knew what had happened). I told them they were more than welcome to maintain a relationship with him if they chose (my dad loved him), but I asked them not to discuss or talk about me at all.

After his week-long business trip, he showed up at the house, but I told my dad I had nothing to say to him and to please get him to go away. Now, it's been about two weeks, and he hasn't been back since, so I've still not talked to him (still blocked).

I feel like I've really made an effort to move on with my life. I'm touring nearby apartments and hope to have my own lease signed by the end of the month. I really just felt like there wasn't anything to talk about, and I didn't feel like I owed someone who would do something like that to me anything - even a conversation.

This morning, while discussing my plans, etc., my parents basically sat me down and asked me to talk over everything with him. They figure I will regret it in the future, that mistakes happen, that without his "confessions," I can't be 100% sure that he cheated, etc., etc.

I told them that I didn't really want to waste any more time on the situation and that, while I was being selfish, I didn't think hearing his "side" would help me in healing in any way. My Mom and I got into a pretty heated argument. Eventually, she told me she raised a more compassionate and caring daughter than that. Why do I owe a cheater anything? AITAH?

Not long after posting, OP shared a small update.

EDIT: Saw some people asking - sorry, forgot to mention how I found out. I’m 100% sure he is/was cheating. I was working on the downstairs computer when an email came through in Outlook (from what I knew, we had Gmail accounts). I clicked the tab and saw tons of recent emails of orders for a bunch of…products (things like Lubracil, KY, etc.).

I knew we weren’t using anything like that, so instantly got suspicious. I started to look around the email a bit and didn’t really find much. However, I wasn’t reading anything sent from his company's work address, but eventually clicked into several emails. And yeah. The emails were pretty s-xual and had times of them meeting up, going out, being intimate etc. for the last 9 months.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Geezell wrote:

Apathy kicks the cheater's a-s. Well played. Your Mom is wrong, no one deserves closure to try and ease their guilt or right a wrong of this magnitude. I mean…9 months! He was dipping his stick and asking for your hand at. the. same. time! Your Ex gets to stew in that guilt forevermore.

And, you giving him the floor to grovel does not make you compassionate it pushes you closer to doormat status being vulnerable to his manipulation. F that. Compassion is your Mom and Dad understanding your heartbreak, your needs to heal and holding those boundaries. Period.

Away-Understanding34 wrote:

Hear his side? What do they think he could say to justify cheating? Do they not think he cheated? How did you find out and do you have proof that you can show them? Stay no contact with him. He lost the right to your compassion and care when he cheated.

More-Ad3555 wrote:

NTA, and let me make this CRYSTAL clear. You owe this guy NOTHING, not a conversation, not an explanation, nada. He decided the terms of your engagement when he cheated. You chose to move on for your personal peace and sanity; that’s mature, not petty. It takes a lot of strength to walk away silently without engaging in a back-and-forth or seeking revenge.

As for your parents, they might mean well, but pushing you to have a conversation with him under the guise of "you might regret it" or needing "his side of the story" is BS. You have all the confirmation you needed the moment you found out he cheated. Continue focusing on your healing and moving forward. This is about what YOU need, not what your ex or anyone else thinks you owe them.

jombhi wrote:

NTA. Did your mom or dad cheat on the other and that's why they're so invested in hearing him out?

If my daughter gets cheated on, her betrayer can die in a fire for all I'd care.

InterestingBee757 wrote:

NTA, FULL STOP. You handled a gut-wrenching situation with maturity. Packing up and moving on without causing a scene is a ballsy move. The audacity to suggest you might regret not hearing his "confessions" is some grade-A nonsense. Cheating is the deal-breaker for many, and it's clear as day it is for you too.

You don't owe him a conversation or closure. Him cheating was HIS choice, and moving on silently is YOURS. Props for keeping it classy and respecting yourself enough to walk away without looking back. Don't let anyone guilt you into thinking you need to hear him out. Stay strong and keep moving forward!

messy_thoughts47 wrote:

NTA and I'm a suspicious b-h, so I'm fairly certain at least one of your parents is in contact with him and he's spinning them some BS story. Put your parents on an information diet. Tell them clearly that they are not to disclose your new location.

You showed maturity and grace. You stood up for yourself.

There is absolutely nothing to regret. And why on earth would anyone want to be compassionate to a cheater and liar? No regrets. Hold your head up high and move on.