'AITA for breaking up with my GF because of what her late BF's dad said to me?'

"WIBTAH for breaking up with my GF because of what her late BF's dad says to me?"

My GF's last boyfriend passed away in a car crash some years ago. My GF told me about this when we became official.

Now, she's still close to her late BF's mom and dad, and she wanted to introduce me to them. I thought it'd be awkward, but I decided to go along with it.

After all, she mentioned that she considers them just like her own parents.

We've visited them a few times, and the dad made comments. One time, the dad talks up how "manly" his son was, how he used to work on cars, how you could always tell he was a real man because his hands were always dirty.

He asked me what I did for work, and I work as an accountant. He said "Yeah, I could tell it was something like that, your hands haven't seen any real work."

It's been like this every time we visit them. He mentions how great his son is at something, and asks me something, then says how "unmanly" I am.

I've talked to my gf about it, but she says I'm just being insecure, and I shouldn't feel threatened by it.

I told her I don't want to visit them anymore. And we got into a pretty big fight. She said that maybe the dad is right, and I need to be more manly.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

ph-ph-photobomb wrote:

You tried, that's more than most people would do. The dad obviously misses his son, and is in pain. This does not give him the right to treat you as he does. Tell your gf, that you don't mind if she goes bit it's obviously very painful for the dad to see you in his son's place, therefore it's better if you do not go and visit them. She's free to visit as she likes, you'll never stand on the way of that.

If she cannot handle that or thinks less of you, you have a tough choice. Fyi, if you marry her, they will be invited, she will likely treat them as grandparents if you have kids. Yes it's a long ways off, but it will eventually happen. So grow a thick skin, or protect yourself another way.

BlueGreen_1956 wrote:

NTA.

"She says I'm just being insecure. She has to be a fully paid member of the Reddit brigade."

"Any time a man expresses any standard, boundary, preference or doubt, he is accused of being "insecure."

The minute your GF said you needed to be more manly is the moment you should have kicked her butt to the curb.

As you are throwing her out, tell her you decided to "man up."

Your GF is a huge AH.

ncjr591 wrote:

If your girlfriend is taking the dead BF’s Dad side when he disrespected you then it’s time to walk away. You will never be number 1, the dead guy is. You can make billions of dollars and he will always have her heart. Just move on.

sine_denarios wrote:

NTA - you are saving yourself from a lifetime of miserable visits and unnecessary comparisons.

Electrical-Dig8570 wrote:

“Be more assertive!” “Okay, I’m not going to hang out with the people who insult me anymore.” “Not like that!”

NTA.

kevtay1969 wrote:

First mistake was agreeing to meet the ex’s parents. I would have had a hard fast hold moment. Move on, leave her with the late ex’s parents, find someone not carrying a torch for the past.

DetCord36 wrote:

"Yeah, I don't work with cars...but neither does your son, he's deceased."

That should be a great icebreaker next time.

NTA.

Jam7789 wrote:

NTA. If you get married and have kids, just wait for late bf's parents to tell you how much cuter the kids would be if they were their son's kids instead of yours.

shammy_dammy wrote:

NTA. Why does she want you to have a relationship with these people?

Overall-Stop-8573 responded:

They're bonded through grief. The gf is a reminder of their late son, and the parents are a reminder of her late boyfriend. The Dad will never accept a new man in her life because their existence is a reminder that his son is gone. He'll never, ever win.

LexiNovember wrote:

It sounds like she’s trying to create some weird replica of the dynamic she had with her ex and his parents by inserting OP into the dead man’s place, and that’s honestly creepy. I’m thinking she is hoping to recreate the “family” as it was before, and I get the grief she must be going through but that is super unhealthy and sounds like the start of a horror movie.

OP is going to drink something at the in-laws and wake up in a basement hospital bed with his new surgically altered face: “Wake up honey, you look perfect, now we can be together foreeeveeer!” 🔪💉🩸

Extra-Attitude-536 wrote:

Because a relationship isn’t gonna work when one half of the relationship has a whole family aside from hers and the current bf. She’s trying to start a new relationship/family while hanging on to the one she started with the late ex.

She wants them to know each other because they would both be around each other all the time in her ideal scenario/setup so they have to meet. Essentially the new boyfriend would have to be okay with constantly being around the dead ex family because she’s gonna be around them constantly.