'AITA for breaking up with my GF because she wanted an open relationship? She knew my position.' UPDATED

"AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because she wanted an open relationship, knowing my position on it?"

AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because she wanted an open relationship, knowing my position on it? I've (19M) been with my girlfriend (20F) for about 2-3 years now. Things have always been good between us; we had a solid relationship, sweet moments, and all the usual stuff that comes with being in a serious, committed relationship.

From the beginning, we were clear that our relationship would be exclusive. I’m strictly monogamous. I don’t have anything against open relationships or polyamory, but it’s just not something I could handle in a serious relationship, where my feelings are involved. Lately, though, things started to get weird. She began making comments about other guys, saying how she found some random dude attractive.

At first, I just brushed it off and didn’t make a big deal out of it but these comments became more frequent, and honestly it started to feel a bit overwhelming. Then came the real shocker, she told me she was starting to get interested in other people. She said she still loved me, but she wanted to explore things both personally and intimately so she then asked, "What if we opened the relationship?"

I was stunned for a moment and nervously laughed, which she noticed. I half-joked, half-seriously replied, "Then I’m not going to be a part of it, haha." She got the hint, but still kept pushing the idea.

I got frustrated and asked her why she wanted this, she said she was curious and wanted to explore herself without damaging the emotional bond we had. I was taken aback but responded, "I support your decision to explore, but if you want that, then forget about me. You know very well that exclusivity is crucial to me in a serious relationship"

This led to a heated argument. She accused me of being closed-minded and called me a coward for not being willing to try something new, those words hurt, and layer that night in my home I lay in bed wondering if there was a way to talk this through or find some middle ground, we did eventually meet up again to discuss things more calmly.

But no matter what, I just couldn’t accept the idea of opening the relationship, even if I also had the freedom to see other people, it was a solid NO from me. I told her, "I'm sorry, but we couldn’t come to an agreement, you know my stance on this kind of relationship.

I'm glad you want to explore this, but unfortunately, I won’t be the person to do that with, lets just end things now, save ourselves the drama, and move on.

You’ll have the freedom to do what you want, and I won’t have to deal with the anxiety of knowing you’re with someone else." She didn’t take it well, called me selfish again, and repeated that I was insecure, at that point, I just stayed silent and let her say what she needed to say.

We both sat there for a while, both of us with tears in our eyes. We eventually said our goodbyes (she still told me everything she previously thought about me), and after I got home.

I saw that she had blocked me on everything, I just let out a sigh and laid down on my bed. Right now, I’m focusing on myself and moving forward, trying to maintain zero contact with her. So, AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because she wanted an open relationship, even though she knew my stance on it?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Middle_Burggate wrote:

Of course you're NTA.

Her strong reaction to you setting a boundary suggests to me that she may have had someone specific in mind to "explore" with and was angry that you didn't give her a pass.

OP responded:

Yeah, I have that lingering feeling in my gut. But anyway maybe yes, maybe not, I'm no more interested to pry.

notAugustbutordinary wrote:

NTA but don’t leave the blocking only on her side. Make it so she can’t get in touch with you if this doesn’t work out for her.

OP responded:

Yeah, better do that, It would be wasting progress if not.

rossycalla wrote:

NTA. You were clear from the beginning about your stance on exclusivity and she was the one who changed the terms of the relationship. It takes maturity and self-awareness to know what you want and don't want in a relationship, and it seems like you handled the situation with respect and compassion.

Don't let her gaslighting make you doubt your boundaries and values. You deserve someone who respects and shares your values. Best of luck moving forward!

Nine days later, OP shared a major update.

Now, I will give you more context, it's been five days since we “broke up”, during these days, I have been reflecting, mostly due to some comments on the previous post, mentioning that maybe she was always like this, that we were just incompatible, that we are young, and that she has the right to explore her sexuality or whatever.

I admit I shouldn't have done it, but I kept thinking and racking my brain more and more, was she really like this? I didn’t pay attention to this when we made the relationship official, because this felt so strange to me when we decided to make things serious cuz I asked for exclusivity, and she agreed, even emphasized it herself, which left me more and more confused.

Anyway, yesterday I ran into her (I know, that maybe was an error) I tried to ignore her, but I couldn't, since now she wanted to talk to me and I was about to reject her, but my thoughts got the better of me, and I agreed, mainly to ask her about my doubts, we went to her house, and although she tried to be nice.

I just asked her to get to the point, we sat down at the table and talked, she tried to ask me how I was doing, but I just dodged the question and then I confronted her again, asking why she was now bringing up polyamory and all that after SO much time being with me, after even SHE agreed to exclusivity and emphasized it.

When I said this, I raised my voice, basically shouting at her, then I got my answer and although it was predictable, it still shocked me.

Long story short, yes, she has indeed been emotionally cheating on me and was tempted to do it physically. I just stood there, stunned, took a deep breath, and even though I was really angry, I asked her, since when and with whom?

According to her, she spent the last two months with a guy she met at her college, which coincides suspiciously with when she started acting weird, I raised my voice again, asking what she thought by not telling me did she think I was an idiot, even trying to manipulate me to open the relationship?

She said that, “she didn’t want to lose me, that she loved me” and as for “opening the relationship,” it was advice from her friends (I must clarify that not all of them are women), they told me her that she had the right to explore while still being with me, that they even do it, and they still with their partners, and some of their partners have NO idea about it (what a sh--ty people in this life).

Honestly, I had a f--king urge to scream at her as loud as I could, but I had to keep my composure, I asked her what she did with this guy, if they were still in touch, She just told me that the same day we broke up, she slept with him but later she “regretted it,” and in these last few days, she realized her mistake and wanted to be honest with me now with the possibility to give her another opportunity.

I couldn’t deal with her anymore, and I told her she had almost three f--king months to be honest with me and instead, tried to manipulate me into falling into her trap so she could walk away without any guilt, I told her that if she wants to cry, go ahead cuz I won't give her another chance and i don’t care anymore because I lost the little respect I had for her.

With a knot in my throat from the hurt, i told her clearly that I never want to see her in my f-ing life again and that if she sees me in a store, she should avoid me and go somewhere else because I don’t want to see or hear her, she broke down crying again, begging me to forgive her, grabbing my shirt to stop me from leaving.

I pushed her away, opened the door, and slammed it shut once I got home, and it would be a lie to say I didn’t shed tears.

“We’re young; she wanted to explore her s-xuality, and she’s right to do so.” “She was right to tell me, she is NTA either.”

Pure BS. Now, I’m still incredibly hurt. I feel worse than when I started, and I feel like an idiot for even crying, knowing this could have been a possibility, I will see if I can get back on my feet and move on, even though I’m still hurt that’s the only thing I can do. Man, I really thought I had a decent girlfriend :(

The internet had lots to say in response.

checkoutmywheepit wrote:

She wants you back cus the bloke she's been cheating on you with f--ked her and then f--ed off. The grass wasn't greener, the grass didn't f--king want her! You aren't an idiot for crying, and you WILL get back on your feet. Don't let her take anymore of your life. Good luck my friend :)

Far_Prior1058 wrote:

NTA - go NC and move on. She obviously was going to cheat no matter what and just wanted to justify it. You deserve better. Good luck and take care of yourself.

Any-Expression2246 wrote:

"She had the right to explore while still being with me, that they even do it, and they still with their partners, and some of their partners have NO idea about it (what a sh--ty people in this life)."

Wow. If only someone could tell the poor partners being cheated on by these a--hats. This s--t isn't right.

GeoEatsRocks wrote:

This girl is surrounded by AHs and cheaters. Likely telling her this s-t to get into her pants as well. Until she drops these people, her life will continue to go down a bad path. Hopefully its a wake up call for her (the sleeping with some guy and losing you in the process).

I doubt it comes that easy and she will continue associating with these people wondering why she can't land a husband. Either way, I wouldn't worry about it and continue doing you.