'AITA for breaking up my marriage plan due to his plans of making me a housewife?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITAH for breaking up marriage plan due to his plans of making me housewife and a bang maid."

I am 29F who has done well in life and is earning a six figure salary. I own my home. I am a head nurse and working at reputable govt hospital. I have had a couple of boyfriend , but we couldn't marry due to some circumstances that were out of control...one moved out of country and other one's mom didn't like me and the community I belong to.

We broke up because we didn't want long term fights and we didn't see a nice future. He was love of my life. Finally I agreed to arrange marriage setup now..and matched a guy. We have had year of courship and fell in love. So marriage was next year. Now this guy is super rich and his family and him started saying I don't need to work.

And he will give me as much as money to spend. He wants me to handle household. Note we have multigenerational family homes. So his parents would have lived with us too. I told him it isn't possible for me. I worked hard to reach this level in career. I told him I don't want to be his bed warmer and housemaid. I have immense respect for house wives.

But I don't want to be one. His parents started being passive aggressive. I ignored. Finally few days back. We had huge argument during a weekend lunch at his house. His mom said today's girls are so tough and don't value family values. I disagreed. I value family a lot but that doesn't mean I want to be like previous gen women who sacrificed everything to be seen goddesses in society.

I have seen my mom sacrificing so much. Which I don't want to. I left and after thinking for days. I told my parents this won't work. They were shocked and sad because it would cause a loss on reputation of family. But I stopped eating and they agreed after seeing my condition.

We broke up. And his family is mad. That how a girl from my background can reject a rich guy like their son. They tried to ruin my reputation...I made a public post on insta and facebook with screenshot of chat , where I was being pressured to leave job and now I have full support. Now they are calling me and my parents and threatening us etc. I don't care.

At this point. If a man has to come he will. If he doesn't. I will adopt a kid in future. But I don't want to be someone's doormat.With this job. I have gifted myself and my family foreign vacations. Decent cars. I don't wanna be on mercy of some man. My only regret is that he could've told me from day one but made me fall for him and wasted a year.

He said he found me attractive and so he went for me...I feel weird. AITA for breaking his heart and ruining his reputation?

Edit to add. Some relatives are saying I am leaving a millionaire. I don't want to be stuck in golden cage.

The internet had plenty of thoughts to share.

Usual-Canary-7764 wrote:

You sound pretty independent enough and plenty of men respect that. If he wants a version you cannot provide I am not sure what he is mad at. Incompatibility is real. You guys were incompatible. You will find your person. NTA OP.

OP responded:

He wasted a year of my life and made me fall for him. At least he could've been clear from day onem he said he found me attractive and couldn't tell..lame reason.

Fabulous-Toe4593 wrote:

You are a strong, independent, intelligent woman. Never let anyone else make you feel anything less. You made a great decision. Best wishes for your future.

NickenChugget wrote:

They showed their controlling nature right off the bat. Imagine how they’d be after you marrying into the family, they would own you. Sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. Good riddance. If the guy cared/cares about you at all, can’t you talk to him and to get his family to back off? Wtf did you even do besides disagree with their idea of being a 50s housewife.

Strong_arm8734 wrote:

NTA and more women should have your good sense!

OP responded:

Some relatives are saying I am leaving a millionaire. I don't want to be stuck in a golden cage.

Blossom-Babe wrote:

NTA. Girl, you dodged a *luxury prison*. It’s giving "rich guy energy but 1950s mindset," and you’re out here thriving with your six-figure salary and boss energy. Why throw all that away to be someone’s unpaid labor?

The audacity of him and his family to think money = control over your life. Like, no thanks, sir. You're not leaving a millionaire; you’re leaving a guy who thought he could buy your dreams. Big difference. And the whole “family reputation” thing?

Meh, let the aunties talk. You’ve already proven you’re capable of building your own life, gifting your fam vacations, and being an independent queen. So yeah, good on you for taking a stand. He wasted a year, but you’ve gained peace of mind. As for the relatives, let them know you’d rather be single and happy than stuck in someone’s golden cage. 👏

Majestic_Bit_4784 wrote:

NTA. He and his family are, firstly women of this stage and age want to work, they don’t all want to be sat at home or chasing toddlers etc. You have worked hard to get to where you are in your profession. Who the hell wants to live with there in-laws. I would rather drink bleach!!!

Thankfully you found out now what they are all like, yes you have lost a year but could you imagine if you hadn’t found out now and married him then it all came out about them ah’s !!! Sexiest narcissists If he loved you that much he would of supported you with your choices and stood up for to his family.

OP responded:

Frankly most of us are expected to live with in laws or else it's tough to get married in india. But in laws should be decent. My sister has great in laws who take care of her kids and contribute economically too to household. But my ex's mother is stuck in middle ages. Where DIL should act submissive. I am calm person who doesn't fight much. But I am not a submissive one.

A few days later, OP shared a major update.

Well things took a u-turn. The day I made the thread he tried s--cide. He did send me message that he loves me and his family pressure was the reason he wanted me to stay home. His mom dad didn't like women working in family. He said he never told it during courtship because he has fallen for me and didn't wanna loose me.

I told him it's okay and I blocked him. Then later he tried to commit s--cide by h@nging but his parents caught him. It became a mess...he survived but he only wanted me in hospital. I couldn't be this cruel. Spend whole day and night. And we have had our heart to heart. His suicide attempt made me realize that how much I love him.

He has decided to stay separate from his family and don't mind me working either. So we are not marrying with a grand celebration. We will do simple court marriage next month and shift to our abode (the house I own). Will throw a reception with people we want. He will be discharged in few days and shift at my home.

His parents are apologising to him and me. But I don't wanna deal with them. My parents and siblings don't want it but I told them I want this. They said do whatever you feel like but don't cry later. I told them it is my cross to bear. I guess we are meant to be together. I hope I give you more news in month after our marriage and hopefully everything goes well.

The commenters did not hold back one bit.

sikonat wrote:

This has to be fake. If it’s not, I think you’re making a big mistake to marry someone you didn’t want to, who has finally admitted he wants you under his control as a bang aid and now his suicide attempt is partly blackmail for you to get in line. Run far away. Let his parents deal with him. He’s not in a place to be married anyway.

OP responded:

It's not. I loved him and I was angry that day...his attempt made me realise I don't want to lose him. He was pressured by his family. Now he is away from them. So we have decided our goals and things we want in life.

deathtoallants wrote:

You’re wasting your time with a fake relationship. Don’t be stupid and a sucker. Your guy is laughing at you for being so incredibly easy to manipulate.

Engineok2787 wrote:

So after his second s--cide attempt you fell in love with him. So now he knows exactly what to if you ever threatened to leave. I hope this fake otherwise this is one if the dumbest reasos to get married I ever heard of.

Beneficial_Sort8795 wrote:

Threatening to unalive yourself when you’ve been dumped is abuser 101. If he can’t handle a breakup like a fully functioning adult, he shouldn’t be getting married either. You’ll end up pregnant, stuck, and then he’ll revert back to ‘be a stay at home mom’. And if you say no, oh look, he’s back in the hospital, whatever will you do?

You’re right that it’s your life, and I’m sure what he did gave you a shock, but time would give you distance to realize you are jumping back in to a situation you narrowly escaped from with a man who, at ANY point, could’ve had your back with his parents, shut them down and stood by your side, like a grownup who owned his decisions. Like you did advocating for yourself with your own family.

Instead, he joined in pressuring you until you broke and then did this when he didn’t get what he wanted. How is his ‘not a hanging’ any different than your hunger strike? You weren’t gonna do it till you die. Neither was he. Seriously, your family is right. Run from this manipulative person.