'AITA for breaking up with my BF and ending my friendship after discovering their betrayal?'

"AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend and ending my friendship after discovering their betrayal?"

Hi, I'm in a pretty tough spot and need some outside perspectives. I (23F) recently discovered something that has shattered my world. My boyfriend, who I'll call Jake (M25), and my best friend, let's call her Emily (F24), have betrayed me in the worst way possible. Jake and I have been together for three years.

We've had our ups and downs, like any couple, but I truly believed he was the one. Emily and I have been friends since college. She's been like a sister to me, always there through thick and thin. Or so I thought. Last weekend, I planned a small surprise party for Jake's birthday. Emily was, of course, on the guest list and she even helped me with some of the arrangements.

I thought everything was going well until I noticed Jake and Emily acting strangely. They were whispering to each other, sharing secretive looks, and at one point, I caught them holding hands when they thought no one was looking. At first, I tried to brush it off, thinking maybe I was just being paranoid. But the nagging feeling wouldn’t go away.

So, I did something I'm not proud of—I looked through Jake's phone while he was asleep. What I found confirmed my worst fears. There were hundreds of messages between him and Emily, some of them explicitly romantic and others suggesting they had been meeting up behind my back for months. I was devastated.

I couldn't believe the two people I trusted most in the world could do this to me. The next day, I confronted Jake. He didn't deny it. Instead, he tried to justify it by saying that he and Emily had "fallen for each other" and didn't know how to tell me. As if that made it any better. Heartbroken and furious, I kicked Jake out of my apartment. Then, I called Emily and told her I knew everything.

She started crying, apologizing, and saying she never meant to hurt me. But her tears meant nothing to me. I told her our friendship was over and that I never wanted to see her again. Since then, I’ve been getting messages from mutual friends saying that I overreacted, that love is complicated, and that I should try to forgive them.

They say that I’m being cruel by cutting both Jake and Emily out of my life completely. But I feel like what they did is unforgivable. So Reddit, AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend and ending my friendship with Emily after discovering their betrayal? Should I have handled things differently?

Commenters had a lot of thoughts.

WinterFront1431 wrote:

Your friends are idiots.

My reply would be.

"Let jake or Emily, sneak around like dirty snakes with your partner and then come to me and tell me you have forgiven them.. if anyone mentions them again, asks me to forgive them again, I'll drop you too."

Simple as that. Both snakes.

midlifegreatlife wrote:

I do not believe you got messages from friends saying you overreacted. I simply don't. Why embellish this story? It's honestly bad enough as it is.

Rita_Sexyyou wrote:

While forgiveness can be a powerful tool for personal healing, it is not always appropriate or necessary immediately. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to continue a relationship with them. Your decision to end things with Jake and Emily might be your way of managing the pain and moving forward. Forgiveness is a personal journey and one that you can undertake if and when you are ready.

Historical_Name_5378 wrote:

NTA - They could have been honest. Not that it would’ve been better, but if your boyfriend broke up with you when he realized he wanted to be with someone else, and THEN moved on to Emily, it would have still hurt, but wouldn’t have been a disgusting display of betrayal, disrespect, and disregard.

Look into the friends of yours saying that you overreacted, something tells me they aren’t the kind of people you want around you.

angelbabybtxch wrote:

Ending relationships with people who have deeply hurt you is not an overreaction; it’s a necessary step for your healing process. Sometimes, the betrayal is so severe that maintaining contact would only prolong your suffering and hinder your recovery. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to give yourself the space you need to heal.

Xmessymonica wrote:

NTA. Ending the relationship with your boyfriend and cutting ties with your best friend is a perfectly valid response. You don't owe them anything, especially not forgiveness if you're not ready for it. Their apologies might seem sincere, but actions speak louder than words. They both made choices that hurt you deeply, and it's up to you to decide if you can ever trust them again.

ed_lv wrote:

NTA.

BYW, I'd end the friendship with every single person who tells you you overreacted. Jake and Emily should be dead to you, and you should never have any contact with either one of them.

btfoom15 wrote:

YTA for posting a completely made up story. There is ZERO reason someone would create an account 4 months ago and only post this.Think about the situation you describe: your boyfriend has been cheating on you with your best friend, you find out, then break up with him and getting rid of her.

But friends call you 'cruel' - a word only found on this sub, and you have to really ask if what you did is OK. You hit on the major trigger points, cheating, best friend, others calling you cruel, etc.