'AITA for breaking up with my BF after he freaked out about me saying I'd get a pregnancy terminated?'
"AITAH for breaking up with my BF after he freaked out about me saying I'd get an ab-rtion?"
I'm going to start this off by saying that my boyfriend (24m) is not anti-ab*rtion. He's left-leaning and is pro-choice. He's been kind of controlling for a bit, but nothing serious.
About a week ago, I (23 F) went over to his place, and I won't get into the specifics, but let's just say that if it wasn't for my birth control, I could've gotten pregnant from that night. As we were falling asleep, I mumbled something to him about how I was glad I was on the pill and that if I got pregnant, I'd probably get an ab*rtion because I wasn't ready to be a mother.
(I'm not sure if I ever want to be one or not, but that's not what the post is about.) He blew up at me. His eyes widened and he stood up and started yelling. He's a lot taller than I am so I got really scared he was going to hurt me.
I calmed him down by saying that I was really tired and didn't know what I was talking about. He was still trying to bring it up but I said we should wait until the morning. After I was sure he was asleep, I grabbed all of my stuff and got the hell out of there. When he went to sleep, he was still pretty angry, and I was scared he'd try to bring it up again in the morning.
I went back to my apartment but was still kind of shaken. At around noon, he started pounding on my door, asking me to open it so we could talk, but I didn't. After he left, I called a friend who he didn't know and asked her to check the parking lot to make sure his car wasn't still there, as I was afraid he was waiting for me outside.
I booked it to my parent's house, which he doesn't know the address of, and told them what happened. They welcomed me with open arms. Obviously, he keeps texting me and calling me, leaving texts and voicemails which range from "let's sort this out, please take me back" While he's sobbing to "I hated you anyways!"
I've never picked up his calls or responded to his voicemails, and I have left my text responses to one-word replies. I simply told him that we were over and that I couldn't be with someone who I felt afraid of. He's still texting and calling nonstop and I'm honestly not sure why I haven't blocked him yet. AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend over this?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
GuyFromLI747 wrote:
NTA. No he doesn’t seem like he is pro-choice though...interesting that you also mention he is controlling...keep the relationship ended. What you need to do next is inform him that he needs to stop calling you and texting you. It becomes harassment if he continues to call and text you after that.
Undeadarmoire wrote:
NTA.
You didn’t break up with your boyfriend because he got upset over a hypothetical ab*rtion. Which, for the record, is still a fair reason. It would be fair to end a relationship and avoid a situation like that entirely.
You broke up with your boyfriend because he turned aggressive suddenly and did so in such a way that you felt threatened. Then came and pounded on your door. He didn’t call, he didn’t text, he didn’t give you a ‘Hey, I think we need to talk about last night’.
He showed up and pounded on your door.
That’s just a series of giant red flags waving all over the place. What if you *had* gotten an abortion? How aggressive would he have gotten?
The man didn’t break any laws or anything, but that doesn’t mean he’s in the clear.
I hope he gives up and leave you alone in the next few days, but you saw something that alarmed you. Trust your gut and be wary.
Carbohemorrage wrote:
The subject of this doesn't even matter. He showed you a part of him that he has been hiding. And you noped out of that at the first appearance. Good for you.
Don't block him. He may send a threat and you can get a restraining order then if needed.
SpookyGhoul94 wrote:
NTA. Anytime you are scared of a man. Trust that intuition. Take plan B if still within window.
Ppl can have whatever opinion they want. What they can't do is become beligerent and aggressive about it. 10/10 good choice leaving him.
TwinklingMoonDream wrote:
You’re definitely NTA here. His reaction was extreme and frightening, especially considering you were just expressing your thoughts about a hypothetical situation. It’s important that you feel safe and respected in a relationship, and his outburst, combined with the fear you felt, shows that this isn’t a healthy dynamic.
Your decision to break up was absolutely justified. No one should feel afraid of their partner, and it’s concerning that he’s now harassing you with constant calls and texts. Your safety and peace of mind should always come first.
JanetInSpain wrote:
"He's been kind of controlling for a bit, but nothing serious."
This is enough to end it right here. ANY amount of "controlling" is a dealbreaker. Full stop. Block his number. DO NOT accept calls or texts. You need to be completely done with him.
You were 100% right to flee from him, but you now need to take the next step of blocking him. He was probably never "left leaning" or pro-choice. That was a facade he presented to you.
One thing to consider if he tries coming back to your apartment. Speak to building management. Tell them you have a stalker and ask if you can move to another apartment in the complex and just continue your lease from there. If you can't do that, and he comes back banging on your door, IMMEDIATELY call 911 and tell them a crazy man is trying to break into your apartment.