"AITA for no longer bringing dinner for my wife after she claimed I never cook?"

I work at a nice restaurant as a cook and everyday when I get off from work I always cook dinner for my wife and our 2 kids (8M and 6F) at the restaurant before coming home.

The only time I don’t cook for them are on weekends when I’m off and that’s when my wife does the cooking. We usually trade off who makes breakfast and luck for the kids every other day but for the week I’m always the one bringing home dinner.

Weekends we sometimes get together with friends and they come over to the house. My wife usually cooks and I help set the table/clean afterwards. One of her friends “Stacy” asked how come I never do any of the cooking and is it always on my wife all the time making meals for the kids, especially when I’m a cook myself.

Instead of correcting her she sort of laughed and went along with it making jokes about “you know how it is.” And Stacy laughed because her ex husband was the same way. And then sort of ripped on me in a “joking” way how i better buck up before I become an ex too. My wife just said well let’s see if he actually listens and starts cooking for once.

Joking about all the time I spend in the kitchen at work but won’t do the same at home. It really pissed me off. I’m not the husband that just doesn’t do anything after I’m home from work.

I cook food for her and the kids at work AND on top of that I make separate dishes for each of them (what she wants and what the kids want). All that after standing on my feet all day. We talked about it once they left because I don’t appreciate being told I’m not doing something she knows for a fact I do.

She didn’t want to apologize for it because it was all just to be a funny joke. Even after telling her about how it hurt my feelings being put down like that. My wife said she felt like she has to go along with the joke so there wouldn’t be any awkward vibes (whatever that means).

But I said fine if she can’t apologize for something that was mean just so she could laugh along with her friends then I won’t keep doing something she already claims I don’t do. For the past week I’ve only brought home dinner for our kids and she’s had to make her own food.

She’s mad that I’m refusing to feed her over what happened instead of letting it go but I can’t help but feel mad about being made fun of like that when I’m busting my ass to provide for my family and still making sure they have food on the table every evening. She just thinks I’m an asshole for how I’m reacting when she’s already tired at the end of the day but still having to make food for herself. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

DaLoCo6913 said:

NTA. Your wife missed a great opportunity to boast on you, all for acceptance by others who have nothing invested in your relationship.

[deleted] said:

NTA. Your spouse is supposed to be your partner in everything in life. The person who always has your back like you always have theirs. She threw you directly under the bus for the sake of not creating waves with her friend.

Then when you told her you didn’t find her comments at all funny, and quite hurtful that she let someone else believe you’re a deadbeat, she blew you off. So, she can make her own dinner until she sincerely apologizes and acknowledges that your contribution to the family of cooking dinner during the week is important.

Myobright2344 said:

NTA Why is it that so many people say mean things or agree with mean things and then say it was just a joke and that supposed to make it OK?

Status_Stranger_1570 said:

NTA. It’s not amusing to make fun of your partner in any situation. Whether she was joking or not, I understand why you’d feel unappreciated

A month later, OP shared this update:

I didn’t show my wife this post like some suggested until a few days later but before that she wanted to talk before bed. And she apologized for how she’s been behaving with me, when she made those jokes and let her friend say things about me, then how she was acting afterwards.

In reality she knew she did wrong but when I called her out it made her defensive and she realizes how she was acting like a child after knowing how much I do for our family.

That’s when I showed her the post. And opened up about something that was mentioned by me in my comments, how it really hit a nerve for me making it seem like I’m a lousy father/husband when my dad was exactly that (he abandoned me and my mom).

She knows how important it is for me to be as involved as possible when our kids were born because I never wanted to be like him. So her making it seem like that’s how I am brought up some feelings.

Telling her this really made her feel like she fucked up big time. She wouldn’t stop apologizing, she promised she’d never put me down that way. And honestly? I think she’s shown that she meant her apology. For a week she wanted to be the one making dinner for everyone so I’d have some time to relax after work. It was nice but also missed making meals for my family.

Cooking for my kids is my own way of expressing my love for them so we’re back to that as well. I feel like my wife has more than shown how sorry she is and appreciates what I also do for this family. Last time we had lunch with her friend a few days ago on my day off she even brought it up.

As mad as I was when it happened it’s nice to see she’s made an effort to make amends. The support I got here from here was very sweet, appreciate feeling heard when it felt like my wife wasn’t at the time.