Woman cuts off brother after he secretly sells her late mother's belongings; 'grief isn’t an excuse for betrayal.' AITA? UPDATED 2X
"AITA for cutting off my brother after he sold my late mother’s belongings behind my back?"
I (25F) lost my mom a few months ago after a long battle with cancer. It’s been a tough time, and I’ve been leaning on my family for support, especially my brother, Mark (35M), who’s been the one I turned to the most.
After my mom passed, we started going through her things, sorting out what to keep and what to donate. I wasn’t expecting to keep everything, but there were a few sentimental items I wanted to preserve, her jewelry, some family photos, and a few of her old books. Mark and I had agreed that we would divide up her things fairly, and I trusted him to help with the process.
A week ago, I found out that Mark had been secretly selling some of my mom’s items without telling me. He sold several pieces of her jewelry to a pawn shop and even let some of her vintage furniture go for ridiculously low prices. I was heartbroken when I found out, especially because he’d promised me that nothing would be sold unless we both agreed on it.
When I confronted him about it, he tried to justify his actions, saying that he was “just trying to get some money for himself” and that he didn’t think I’d care about the items as much as he did.
He told me that I was “making a big deal out of nothing” and that I should just let it go. I was furious and hurt beyond belief. He didn’t even ask me if I wanted to keep anything, and he had no right to make decisions about my mom’s belongings without me.
I told him that I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore and cut him out of my life for the time being. He’s been trying to contact me, apologizing, and saying he didn’t mean to hurt me, but I just can’t shake the feeling that he took advantage of my grief.
I haven’t told anyone else in the family yet, and I’m worried they’ll think I’m overreacting or that I should have “been the bigger person.” My friends think I did the right thing, but I’m still conflicted. So, AITA for cutting off my brother after what he did?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. I assume that he was the executor of the estate which did give the legal right but not the moral right. Sounds like he has money problems that he’s not talking about.
NTA. Tell him if he's really sorry he'll go back and buy the items from the pawn shop that you wanted. 100% serious. A lot of times in life you don't see a person's true colors until money gets involved.
And then you really see who they are. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him from this point on. Selfish, and will throw you under the bus the first chance he gets an opportunity to get a leg up in life.
He knew what he was doing that's why he didn't ask. He knew you'd be upset. I would respond with- I will forgive you when you give me back all of moms stuff you stole.
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
Hey everyone I wanted to post an update after my original post a little while ago. First off, thank you to everyone who shared support, perspective, and even some tough love. It really helped me feel more grounded and less alone in what’s been one of the hardest times of my life.
Secondly, I'm sorry I haven't been responding to comments or private messages I've just been really wrapped up in my head. It's been a little over a day since I posted, I ended up speaking to my aunt (my mom’s sister).
I hadn’t originally told anyone in the family, but I felt like I needed someone who knew my mom to understand how much this situation was hurting me. I told her everything from the agreement my brother and I had, to him selling my mom’s jewelry and furniture behind my back, to his reaction when I confronted him.
She was shocked and actually furious on my behalf. She told me that I wasn’t overreacting and that grief is not an excuse for betrayal, especially when someone takes advantage of trust. She also offered to help me try to track down any items that might still be recoverable, which I really appreciated.
As for my brother, I did eventually respond to one of his messages not to reconnect, but to make it clear that what he did broke something I don’t think can be repaired right now.
I told him I need time, space, and most importantly, respect. He apologized again, and I think he realized for the first time just how badly he messed up, but honestly… I’m not ready to forgive him.
That might change one day, but today is not that day. For now, I’m focusing on healing grieving my mom in my own way, holding on to the few items I still have of hers, and creating boundaries where I need to.
Cutting him off wasn’t easy, but it was necessary for my own peace. I don’t think I’m the AH for choosing that. Thanks again to everyone who helped me feel heard. Much love.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Damn dude, I just read your first post and I'm so sorry your brother betrayed you like that, and just for a quick buck too. I'm glad he's starting to realise the scope of his actions but you need to do what's right for you in regards to whether you reconcile or not. I'm glad your aunt has your back.
I'm so sorry for your loss OP. As for your brother, an apology can't fix this because it won't change who he is. He's someone who stole his late mother's belongings and sold them while his own sister was grieving so badly.
He didn't even care enough about his own mother dying. If he did, he would never have been able to sell her stuff like this. He's a cold, calculated thief with no morals. You shouldn't forgive him. He's a monster.
Three days later, the OP returned with another update.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since I posted, and also a lot of crying, if I’m being real. I guess this has become less about asking AITA and more about finding somewhere to vent and feel understood without being told to move on, or that “family is family,” or that “things can be replaced.” They can’t. Not really. Not when they belonged to someone who meant everything to you.
My brother hasn’t messaged me again since I laid out my boundary, which is a bit of a relief. I think he’s finally realizing this isn’t something that can be fixed with a few sorry texts. And I’ve slowly started telling a few more people in the family.
So far, the reaction has been supportive, especially from those who knew how close I was to my mom and how much her things meant to me. My aunt (who’s been a rock) is even trying to help me contact the pawn shop to see if anything might still be recoverable. I’m not holding my breath, but it helps to do something instead of sitting in the hurt.
I’m still not at peace. Not fully. But I’m starting to realize peace isn’t something that just shows up one day it’s something you create with boundaries, honesty, and maybe a little bit of bravery, too.
If you’re going through something similar, or if you’ve had to choose your peace over family, please know you’re not alone. I didn’t think I’d end up using this subreddit like a support group, but that’s exactly what it’s become, and I’m grateful. Thank you for holding space for me here. Seriously.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
You’re the heartbroken hero who drew the line when someone turned grief into greed. Your brother didn’t just cross a boundary, he bulldozed through your memories, and you had every right to shut the door behind him.
Sorry you are going through this... the worst is the pawn shop literally gives pennies on the dollar of what things are worth. You could have given him more money then he got pretty easily if he had just communicated.
I think the crucial split here is money, but not in the way people think. You looked at your mother's things and you saw pieces of her life and the memories you shared. They were parts of a whole life that you are mourning the loss of, parts that cannot just be replaced.
You could buy the same book or watch or dress but it would not be your mother's book or watch or dress. I sincerely hope you can find at least some of your mother's things.