'AITA for calling my BIL an arrogant snob for not wanting to pay my BF for his mechanic work?'
"AITA for calling my brother in law an arrogant snob and arsehole for not respecting my boyfriend and not wanting to pay him for his work?"
I (32f) have been with my boyfriend (34m) for almost 7 years now. My sister (34f) got married about a year ago to her longterm boyfriend (36m). Shortly after my sister got married she became pregnant with my little nephew. About 3 months after he was born, BIL asked my boyfriend (who is a mechanic) to check his car.
He happily agreed, ordered new parts and it took about 3 hours to do the whole service and renew everything necessary. All went fine, they had fun chatting a bit and we agreed to meet for coffee the sunday afterwards. On Saturday, my sister called me to ask how much they owe to my boyfriend for the work.
I told her I would ask and got back to them with a text saying that the total would be 150 EURO. For comparison, if BIL would have went to a car shop he would have paid around 900 EURO. A few minutes later my sister calls me, telling me that this amount is ridiculous and that Klaus is fuming as he expected not to pay anything (but the parts).
I'm super confused and tell her that the guys should talk directly to each other to figure this out. So we hang up and me and my boyfriend have time to get super pissed about their behaviour. For the greater context you need to know that my BIL always made clear that he doesn't like my boyfriend. Saying mean things about this blue collar clothes, family, hair style, music taste, etc.
My sister always made sure to tell me about those comments forcing me to stand between the sides, so I repeatedly ask her to stop this and accept that he is the man making me happy. Anyway, my boyfriend was willing to again swallow his pride, give up on the money and to talk like a normal family when visiting them and the baby the next day.
The next morning arrives and I'm texting my sister at what time we should come over. She just replied: as long as this isn't sorted out we should not visit them. This is when I lost it and started to cry as I cannot understand why I'm being "punished" for this by not being allowed to see my little nephew who I love and was looking forward to see all week.
So my boyfriend called BIL in my defense telling him that this is unacceptable and that they don't have to get along but there is no need to be mean to me about this. BIL just laughed it off.
Then sister calls me and I, in my anger and frustration, tell her that she should know we don't care about money but it's unfair to expect everything for free because we are family when at any other occasion they don't accept us being a couple.
I tell her she shouldn't have let this get between me and her and, I admit it, called BIL an arrogant and snobbish AH. Just when she started calling my life primitive, I hang up and we have not spoken since. As you can imagine there is quite a back story here but that would be too much for one post. So far, regarding this situation itself, AITA?
The internet had OP's back all the way.
Thedudeabides470 wrote:
NTA. Your brother in law will have car trouble again. And when that happens he can pay your boyfriend the 900€ shop rate for his previous trouble or never get family help again.
OP responded:
Thank you! Probably true - my boyfriend won't help him out again.
Morsac wrote:
NTA. I loathe people who look down on blue collar folks until they're useful to them personally, and then they're right back to being AHs once they've gotten what they want. Your BIL can f right off into the sun. Hope he enjoys overpaying at the car shop/dealership next time his d-kmobile needs work.
Honey, you tell your boyfriend not to swallow his pride anymore. There's no reason to. I'm sorry your sister is being like this, but it's not worth your boyfriend's self-worth. She'll come around eventually, when her dip-t of a husband has to beg for help.
OP responded:
Thank you! I really hope she will see what really matters some day and I promise to always step up for my boyfriend from now on. He is a great guy and sometimes too good for this world.
Smaugthehedgehog wrote:
NTA. Bit confused though why you haven’t stood up for your boyfriend in the past when your BIL has made remarks about your bf. Why did you let your sister keep telling you about those remarks, why you didn’t shut that down, why you “stood between sides”. If you weren’t actively defending your bf and putting boundaries in place then you did choose a side- your BIL’s.
OP responded:
You're right about that. Of course I told my sister to stop it right there and defended my BF but she always knew how to manipulate, almost brain wash me. Thank god because of this stupid fight I finally woke up and now I'm 100% standing up for my man. Even though I might lose contact to my nephew for this...
windsofwinterplease wrote:
NTA. So sorry that your sister's kid will miss out on spending time with you.
OP responded:
Thank you! This is what hurts me the most but as we are NC since this incident - otherwise I feel quite liberated.
Auntie-Mam69 wrote:
NTA. Sorry that you’ll miss out on your nephew, but at some point this would happen as your sis and BIL are not respectful and decent to your BF. You had to stand up to them. Your BIL is likely jealous, as snobby men often are of competent men.
OP responded:
Boyfriend will love your comment ;-) Thank you! I fear you nailed it there. They never will accept us as we don't fit into their idea of a decent lifestyle (we work hard for our money so we spent it on what we like and not on expensive brand clothes just to show off, like they prefer to do).
Ok_Ball5877 wrote:
NTA 150 euros for 3hours work + diagnostic is nothing especially if shop would have charged 900 I would stay firm that the snobbish arsehole shouldn’t ask people to work on their car if they can’t afford it. He should contemplate selling his car to buy a bicycle if he’s that broke.
OP responded:
Thank you! Here's the fun part: BIL and my sister make a lot more money than we do and whenever some mutual friends asked BIL for help throughout the years - he would call out a price...
JJQuantum wrote:
ESH. If your boyfriend expected to get paid then he should have quoted a price up front. It’s an AH move to ask for money after the fact, even when asked. He should have just quoted the price for the parts and have been done with it. On the other hand, your sister and BIL should have asked for a price up front and are being AHs about paying. They asked for a price and were given one.
Fine. Shut up and pay it. If they’d had a price in mind then they should have said “is $75 enough?”
Both of you need to learn to communicate. It’s either a favor or it’s not and, if it’s not, then the price is agreed upon beforehand.