'AITA for calling my boyfriend disgusting for knowing so much about his sister's periods?' UPDATED 4X

"AITA (26F) for calling my boyfriend (28M) disgusting for knowing so much about his sister's periods?"

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year. My boyfriend has been taking care of his siblings (16F, 12F, 11M) since his oldest sister was born. When he was 18 he moved out of his parents house and took them with him. He currently has custody over all his siblings. He is a really hard worker and I haven't seen him or his siblings struggle at all.

They have all they need and as far as I know has never gone to bed hungry because of him. One of the reasons I fell in love with him is because of his caring nature especially for his siblings.

Not going to explain the whole dynamic as I know it, but when I say taking care, I mean he took care of them from buying food, to helping with homework, he did it all he was basically mom and dad for them and he still finished school in the process. His youngest brother even calls him dad. His parents are the definition of dead beats.

Current situation with them is that they don't even know if their parents are alive, and they have no other family. These 4 is all that is left of the whole family. I slept over at his house last night, this morning around 6 am his sister (12F) came into the kitchen crying historically. She woke up with blood in her pants and freaked out. She started with her period.

My boyfriend got her to calm down and explained that she is alright and everything will be okay. He then gave her a brief explanation of what is happening and that her body is changing. He asked her to go and take a shower to get cleaned up and told her where to find the pads his other sister (16F) is using and to use them as the oldest sister showed her.

When she left to go and take a shower he said "sh*t, I thought we would have another year left." I asked what he ment and he said his sister (16F) started her period when she was 13, and he knows not all females and bodies are the same but he thought it would be around the same time. So he was a bit unprepared for the discussion.

I was shocked with that comment and the fact that he knew his sister used pads, why does he know when she started her period in the first place, why does he know what she uses. I wanted to ask him why he knows this but kept the question to myself.

When his sister returned from her shower he asked if every thing was alright or is she having any discomfort, I started to get disgusted when he asked that question. He told her she doesn't have to go to school today and he will take her for some shopping. After breakfast he sat her down in the living room and explained everything in detail to her, regarding what is going on, what will happened all of it.

He said he helped the older sister with her first time and will help her as well. He finished with saying that her sister (16) will be able to help her more with the tipe of products to use and how they work. I was surprised, shocked and disgusted about all the thing he told her. He was correct in everything that he told her, but no brother should know that much about what is happening to his sister's bodies.

Unfortunately, his oldest sister wasn't at home to help, she had a sleep over at a friend due to a project for school. So he took charge of explaining everything. He must have seen the disgust in my face and asked me what is wrong and it just slipped out. I told him, "you are a disgusting pig." The words just kept coming out of my mouth I couldn't stop talking.

I told him exactly what i thought about the situation and that it's disgusting that he knows that much especially about his own sisters and is now trying to coach the younger sister on what to do. He just asked me to leave he didn't argue, yell nothing just said leave my house.

I know I went about it in the wrong way but my stance is the same no brother should know that much about his own sisters body function. AITA?

The internet didn't hold back on OP.

briguygotyou wrote:

If this is real, YTA, and huge one at that. Gaping actually...your BF has been mom and dad to them. Somebody has to help them and it's clearly not his parents. He actually sounds like an incredible person taking on responsibilities at such a young age that were never intended for him and doing so in a gracious manner trying to navigate waters he knows nothing about...again. YTA.

bookdragon345 wrote:

This has to be rage bait, and if it’s not, I’m horrified. OP, YTA. EVERYONE should know how periods work and be able to help a fellow human out. It’s neither wrong nor disgusting for him to know that his sister likes pads (hell, he’s probably buying them for her), and knowing what age a period starts for a woman is important for their health history.

AND I guarantee that the first time with his older sister is was even harder for him to help her since he (likely) has no experience having a period and so he would remember when it happened. I can’t stress how much you’re wrong here, and you just messed up with one of the best guys I’ve heard about.

Also, if he’s close to his siblings (and I’m guessing you’re not that close) why would his sister want you to explain. She TRUSTS her brother with the sensitive time in her life. That’s awesome.

Creamy_Memelord wrote:

Yeah YTA. Grow the f**k up. Re-read what you typed and learn a thing or two.

sikemacy wrote:

This is just one of those posts that you really hope is fake because if not then you’re not a just an AH you’re a monster.

OP jumped on not longer with an update.

If you don't believe me that is fine, but don't comment. I was there, I said what I said. Don't know what I can say other than what I know to prove this is real. I just want to know if AITAH, if my stance is correct, and if i should apologize for everything I said. Seeing some of the comments, I think you guys are not understanding my point.

I don't want to sound mean, but he could've just called his sister to explain everything to her or better asked me to explain it to her. I would've been alot better if it came form another girl. Yes, he explained everything correctly and even told her about the different products to use, but said the other sister will explain those better as she has experience in what actually works.

Why didn't he ask me to explain anything to her I would've done it gladly. There are certain things that should stay private and a especially a brother should not know.

The comments kept rolling in.

DaniCapsFans wrote:

Your boyfriend has been parentified to hell, and it sounds as if he's doing a pretty damn good job taking care of his younger siblings, given that their sperm and egg donors are in the wind. I think all guys should have a basic understanding of what a period is and how it can affect girls and women.

It's a basic biological function that just about everyone born with a uterus experiences. And if these guys are going to be dating women, they should be able to explain what a period is. He probably knows about the pads because he has to buy them for his 16-year-old sister or at least is at the store with her when she gets them.

Or he sees them in the bathroom. And, remember, older sister is the one who also showed younger sister the ropes. He even said to her, remember what [sister] told you. What would you have him do when his youngest sister woke up crying? Say, sorry, I can't help you, wait until [sister] gets home?

Did it occur to you to maybe help the kid when she was freaked out over her first period? Or did you just sit in judgment of a young man who is doing the best he can to take care of his siblings, even if it involves knowing things you don't think a guy should know? You owe your boyfriend a huge apology. YTA.

theworldisonfire8377 wrote:

100% this right here. She’s unhinged if she thinks this is wrong or gross. All men should be this mature about periods.

JanetInSpain wrote:

YTA why shouldn't a male family member be able to help his female relatives with their periods? You have issues. YOU are the "disgusting pig". Bless his heart for being so loving and caring when his parents were not. I hope he dumps your sorry, narrow-minded a*s.

LeaJadis wrote:

YTA. He’s an incredible person and you are not woman enough for him. dump him and date someone more on your level of immaturity, lack of compassion, and overly dramatic.

Two days later, OP shared an update.

To everyone saying he would leave me, you were right, he dumped me. I went to his house to apologize to him and his little sister, the 16 year old was there as well, she slapped me and shouted at me calling me vile names.

She shouted at me for trying to break the family apart and trying to say her father is a p*do. My now ex got her to stop and sent her to her room along with the other siblings. I wanted to apologize but before I could even start he told me to keep my mouth shut and listen.

He forgave me before I even asked for forgiveness but said what he can't forgive is the fact that I basically turned his little sister against him and making her doubt his intentions. It took him almost the full day to get her to talk to him and she only talked to him after the 16 year old assured her that he did nothing wrong and only want to help her like he help her.

His exact words was, you turned one of my children against me, that is something I can't and will not forgive. You are dead to me, now get the f#$k out of my house. He said it with so much anger in his voice and I could see in his eyes that he absolutely hated me in that moment.

I was actually scared for myself in that moment I have talked to some of my friend about this and you all might be glad to hear but im losing friends as well. Even my own sister is now refusing to talk to me. Yes, in our house my father had nothing to do with our periods and my mom handled everything. What should I have done?

I taught he did something wrong, I can see I'm in the wrong but still why am I being punished for this. His words really hurt me, that is not fair. I didn't even get a chance to explain myself or anything after he was done talking he again just kicked me out of his house. I am blocked everywhere and can't get ahold of him, I even tried his sister's phone but I'm also blocked there.

Please stop asking me for his contact number and his name in the comments and pm, I'm not giving that to anyone. Why would I do that and have one of you try and steal him from me? I screwed up, I know, but I will fix it and get him back. I really do love him and I know he still love me, this was just a speed bump. Just wait and see we will be together again.

The internet had nothing but schadenfreude for OP.

Marine_Olive76 wrote:

Such a happy ending. Someone dumb as OP really should not date a man who raises his sisters as his own, her maturity is not even matching the 16 years-old. And how in the sweet mother of heaven did she get the belief that she can win her ex back? With that brain size of an amoeba?

Reatina wrote:

Oh no, my boyfriend is a caring considerate loving and not misogynistic parent/brother. How can I possibly accept that.

Worried_River2318 wrote:

When me and my husband, bf at the time, first moved in together I remember him telling me that I was probably about to start one day. I asked how he knew and he was like oh you always do xyz right before.

I was kinda shocked because I myself didn’t realize I did that. It’s not like he was trying to keep track he just noticed because we freaking lived together. This guy is literally taking care of these girls and since he cares he is trying to help.

Unintelligent_Lemon wrote:

My dad bought me pads many times when I was a teenager. He's not a single dad or anything. He and my mom are married and still enamored with each other. He's just a good dad.

Months later, OP's ex-boyfriend made a post online that gained traction.

I 28m am currently taking care of my 3 younger siblings. 12M, 12F, 16F since my sister 16F was born. Our parents are no where to be found. I don't know if they are in the same state or even in America at the moment, deceased or alive and I don't really care.

I don't know what happend, but when my first sibling was born everything was passed on to me and the same with my other siblings as soon as they were born as well. Long story short and to give a basic description, I am mom and dad to my siblings. I have taken care of them all of their lives, they know I'm their brother but sometimes slip up and call me dad.

Our home became completely toxic, and when I turned 18 I moved out into a small 2 bedroom apartment and took my siblings with me. I worked myself to the bone taking care of my siblings, working and school. It took me longer that I would like to admit but I finished school and got a good job.

I eventually saved up enough and bought a house for me and my siblings, 4 years ago. I took the legal steps after I got my house and my siblings are now legally in my custody. I did get in a bit of trouble from the social worker because I never reported anything but all legal matter have now been settled. The reason for me posting here.

A couple of months ago, like 4 or 5 I think, I broke up with my then girlfriend of 1 year. My little sister got her period and I helped her through her first period. She got cleaned up and then I explained everything in detail to her. My now ex completely blew up on me and called me a pig, creep, p-do and a bunch of other things. My sister 12F just ran out of the living room and locked herself in her room.

I told my ex to leave my house. It took me almost the full day to get my sister to talk to me and she only did after my other sister 16F came home from a sleep over for her to talk to me. My sister 16f helped alot by also explaining that I did nothing wrong, she even told my sister 12f that I helped her through her first period and that she is lucky because she now has 2 people to help her. Me and her (16f).

My ex did come back to my house but I told her we were done and kicked her out again. The problem was that she started to follow us around, st-lking us. Every store I went into she all of the sudden was there, if we went to the park she was at the park. I did block her and made sure that she was blocked on all of my sibling's phones as well.

But we did start to receive phone calls and messages from other numbers that were clearly her trying to excuse her actions with a sob story. This went on for a month untill she tried to sign my little brother and sister out of school one morning after I dropped them off with a fake permission letter. Luckily the receptionist called me and I was able to stop her from signing my siblings out of school.

That is when I filed for the restraining order, I got all the evidence, photos, messages, calls everything and we got the restraining order. Me or my siblings running into her at places dropped considerably She has broken the restraining order a couple of times since then.

When I went to the authorities they told me they couldn't do much as it can't be proven that she is doing it deliberately and when we run into her she doesn't stop us she just continues on her way or leave wherever we are at. I don't know how she knows where we are all the time but I have seen her multiple times even when I changed my schedule, changed the stores where I buy groceries, shopping, everything.

Recently the house next to mine got put on the market for rent and geuss who wanted to rent it? I noticed her showing up to the house with a real-estate agent to look at the house. She came up to me with a smile and said I guess we will be neighbors from now on. I went into the house and showed the real-estate agent the restraining order and then called the authorities.

This time they took me seriously and my ex was arr-sted. My ex lost the house as the company is refusing here business and the agent has given a statement to the police that my ex has asked specifically to rent the house next to mine. My ex was arr-sted but not locked up and only had to pay a fine.

I am now receiving a bunch of calls and messages calling me an AH for destroying my exs life, she is being evicted from her apartment (same rental company) She might loose her job as she can't find a place to stay within her budget and possibly has to move back in with her parents living in a different state. Her own sister, and friends are refusing to help her.

Don't really know why they don't want to help her but, I don't see that as my problem as long as my siblings are safe. Some of my own friend are calling me an AH because, me enforced the restraining order and causing my ex unnecessary problems as she is really no threat to me and I am now being vindictive.

Not long after posting, he shared an update.

Edit: I appreciate everyone telling me about and old post made by my ex, yes that is about me and my situation. I wasn't aware she posted and not really happy that she did but I can't do anything about that now.

She was a lovely woman when I got to know her and when we started dating, she got along with my siblings until the morning she blew up at me for trying to help my sister with her first period. I don't know if she was acting or what happend but she completely flipped after that.

I also now know why her sister and some of her friends are refusing to help her. That is her own doing the same with the situation she is finding herself in. Regarding her post, i will never take her back, that will not happen. My siblings are my priority. She is deranged if she thinks that I will ever take her back or even consider it.

Regarding some of my friends that are saying I'm taking things too far and being vindictive. I didn't mention it in my post and didn't really want to make it a gender issue but the friends who are saying I'm going too far being vindictive and that she is no real threat are also women.

I will have a conversation with them and explain everything in detail to them again, if they still don't agree with my actions I will cut them off. The only reason, I'm giving this chance to them is because they have helped a lot with my siblings especially my sisters when I came for advice.

The internet had a lot of thoughts.

TrailsYa wrote:

NTA. And stop talking to your absolutely insane friends who stick up for this weird woman.

You did what you needed to do to protect yourself and your siblings.

Even if you did it purely out of vindictiveness, I'd still think NTA

"Her own sister, and friends are refusing to help her. Don't really know why they don't want to help her"

I am guessing she made victims of them in some way as well.

This woman is an out of control st-lker. Document everything she does and keep the evidence.

OP responded:

I am, I have everything documented and also have copies of everything just in case. I understand but I really didn't do this to be vindictive, I am just tired. I have 3 people to take care of 4 including myself.

I'm working, going to school again to get a promotion, helping my siblings with all of their school projects, homework and everthing else. I just took the quickest way out that can save me some time and headaches.

Perfect-Quarter8237 wrote:

The fact that she tried getting the kids out of school with a fake letter (which I believe is fraud, attempted kidn-pping even), went as far as specifically wanting to rent the house next door and she keeps popping up everywhere.

How's that not potentially harmful? Even if not physically, it's mentally draining always having to look over your shoulders. OP also needs to re-evaluate those friends siding with his crazy unhinged ex. NTA, protect your family at all costs!!

EngineerLostonPertam wrote:

Great job, exactly how this needed to be handled. 🎉🎉🎉

Total_Pin_3996 wrote:

Oh my god i think she made a post. I saw this story where this girl blew up at her bf about him helping his sister when she got her first period then got dumped.

OP responded:

Unfortunately yes that is about me. Another person also shared the link with me.

Going to see if I can use it. Will provide it to my lawyer tomorrow.

Tizianagt wrote:

NTA. Not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet, but if she kept showing up wherever you were even when you changed routines, she may have put tracking software on your phone or air tag in your car or something.

I would definitely search your vehicles, your phone, and siblings phones. Would be another restraining order violation and maybe a f-lony. Best of luck getting her away from you permanently.

OP responded:

Thank you, I will check everything.

MemoryExternal3960 wrote:

NTA. You did what any responsible and caring older sibling would do. You protected your siblings from a toxic and potentially escalating situation. And let's not forget, your ex girlfriend was the one who violated the restraining order, not you. You did everything you could to ensure your siblings' safety and that's what matters most.

As for your ex's current situation, it's not your fault that she made poor choices and now has to deal with the consequences. It's not your responsibility to fix her life. Your priority should always be your siblings and their well-being. Keep up the good work, you're doing an amazing job as a parent to them.