'AITA for calling my mom out for being a liar in front of our entire family?'

"AITA for calling my mom out for being a liar in front of our entire family?"

I (20F) have been living at school for the past year, about a 45-minute drive from home. I have a scholarship that lets me live on campus. At home, I live with my mom (47F), dad (45M), and older half-sister (25F), who visits often. Recently, my mom’s side of the family started a tradition of brunch at my aunt’s house every other Sunday, including:

- My parents

- Sister & her toddler

- My aunt (mom’s older sister) & uncle

- My cousins (around my age)

- My other aunt (mom’s younger sister)

- My grandparents

Since the brunches started, I’ve been coming home on Saturdays and staying until 5 PM on Sunday.

My mom’s known for her baking, but most people don’t realize she mostly uses boxed mixes. She’s great at decorating, but when people compliment her desserts, it’s usually about the look, not the taste. I don’t mind boxed desserts, but I prefer baking from scratch. I’ve been baking from scratch for a couple of years, and I love it.

I typically bake homemade cookies or cupcakes the night before brunch while my parents are out. My mom always brings a boxed cake she decorates. She’s never had an issue with me baking until recently.

A month ago, I brought homemade cookies to brunch, and everyone loved them. My older cousin’s girlfriend even asked for the recipe! But my mom casually mentioned, “If only you knew the mess she left behind after making those.” Everyone laughed, but I felt bad. I’m clumsy, so I thought maybe I missed a spot and apologized for giving her extra work.

Two weekends ago, I used tablecloths to protect the countertops while I baked, but my mom made the same comment that Sunday. That’s when I started to suspect she was exaggerating, so I decided to test it.

This Saturday, I baked the cookies at my best friend’s house and brought them home in a container. I hadn’t touched anything at my house. When Sunday came, my mom made the same comment about me leaving a mess. I snapped. I was angry, so I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of:

“Aren’t you tired of making s#$t up to make me look bad? I know you’re lying because I didn’t even bake these here this week.” I told everyone I baked them at my friend’s house. Silence. My mom threw a tantrum all day, saying I was disrespectful and now everyone would think of her as the “mom with the mouthy daughter.”

Afterward, my sister texted me saying I shouldn’t have said anything in front of everyone. My aunt (mom’s younger sister) messaged me saying my mom does a lot for me and I shouldn’t have made it awkward. I told them I was tired of being publicly embarrassed by my mom and that no one ever calls her out.

This isn’t the first time she’s embarrassed me or my sister, and I feel like she gets satisfaction from it. Honestly, I suspect she’s jealous that people like my desserts more than hers. Now I’m second-guessing myself. Maybe I should’ve addressed it privately instead of calling her out in front of everyone. So, AITA for calling my mom out in front of the family?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

gsmumbo wrote:

NTA. You gave her the benefit of the doubt multiple times here. I could see your mom being annoyed at you baking at her place, and using passive aggression to convey that. It’s sh#$ty, but some people just suck at confrontation. But her still saying that even when you didn’t bake at her house changes things. It shows it’s not about you baking at her house, it’s about pure jealousy.

The only thing I would have done differently is having a game plan going into it all. You already had your suspicions, this last incident was you testing to confirm them. That means her saying this again wasn’t exactly a surprise, and you could have held the outburst in.

That would have given you a chance to confront her in private afterwards. That would be a lot calmer of an environment where you could get the truth out of her and potentially resolve whatever the issue is. I don’t blame you for not going that route though.

taakahamsta wrote:

You could probably find a way to say the same thing more ‘nicely’ so folks don’t blame you later. Play the “How could I have said that differently?” game with the same scenario until you find something that’s more of a win win for you.

You want her to look bad and feel stupid for being an AH. You do not want the cold calls later b#$ching about your behavior. You need to say it in a way so others don’t feel too guilty or embarrassed for her.

saintandvillain wrote:

NTA. Don’t let people make you feel bad for correcting lies and advocating for yourself. The next time they say something ask them what they said to your mom about her tendency to lie and shame her kids. Tell them to keep that same energy when they call her to discuss her poor behavior.

Scrapper-Mom wrote:

NTA. Parents should realize that a relationship with their child after they reach the age of adulthood is voluntary on the child's part and not mandatory. What parent isn't proud as can be when their kid does something good? A parent that is immature and jealous. Your mom kept pushing and needling you and you snapped.

The only thing I would have done differently is maybe keep an even tone as you pointed out maybe she needs to see a doctor about early-onset dementia since she clearly forgot you didn't even make them in her kitchen.

DichotomyJones wrote:

Well, your Mom had no problem with calling YOU out in front of the family -- why is no one sending HER emails? And she was lying while she did it, whereas you were at least being honest.

People have a hard time with whoever attacks the status quo -- unfortunately, that's you at the moment. NTA, my dear -- stand your ground, but don't expect a lot from it -- your mom will play the poor martyr, and you will not get the backup you deserve from your family.

Nester1953 wrote:

Your mom, presumably jealous of your baking ability, repeatedly lied to the family about you to make you look bad. This is not a-typical behavior for her. After she did this three times in a row, in front of the whole family, you blew up.

Would it have been a more high-road approach to talk to her about this privately? For sure. Would it have been as effective in getting her to think twice before continuing her pattern of chronically telling lies to undermine her children in public? Probably not.

And no, she isn't embarrassed because now people think of her as the mom with the mouthy kid. She's embarrassed because now she's been exposed as a liar who likes to humiliate her children. Not a good look. My thought is that if she didn't want the family to know she's a liar who habitually undermines her kids, she should have refrained from telling lies that undermine her kids. NTA.