'AITA for calling out my mom for ruining our quality time by always bringing her stepkids?'

"AITA for calling out my mom for ruining our stuff by always bringing her stepkids up in front of her stepkids?"

My mom got married 2.5 years ago when I (17f) was 14. She knew her husband for almost 3 years before marrying him and I met him and his kids two months before they got married.

From the time they moved in with us (day before they got married) my mom has changed and has neglected to give me 1:1 time. Whenever we plan anything now she brings her stepkids (10, 8 and 7). She's always trying to force me to join her and them for grocery shopping or "fun shopping dates."

We already have time we spend all together; family dinners at the table each night, family movie nights, family days out. But she insists on including them even when I have asked or told her I wanted it to be just us. Sometimes she'll agree to it being just us and then gets them ready to come with us and acts like it's oh so great and exciting. I have tried three different times to advocate for us to have 1:1 time.

She'll take her stepkids out just them. They get 1:1 time with their dad and 3:1 time as their sibling group. But I can't get the 1:1 time with my mom. I pointed this out and she told me how much they love spending time with us and how they want to spend more time with me because they look up to me. I asked her about what I want and what I'd love.

She told me I can't say I don't enjoy the time we spend with them and I said I can say that because it's true. I said occasionally is fine. But all the time? I told her she was making me not want to be around them at all. It feels like they intruded on our relationship and she makes me feel like they're her priority. None of this made a difference to anything.

I turned 17 three weeks ago and my mom "surprised me" by bringing them along to what used to be a mom and daughter ice cream birthday treat, and we had this from the time I was 2 and my dad was alive and we continued after he passed until the pandemic.

I showed up and saw they were there and I walked out, which upset my mom and I refused to tell her why I walked. I left her to figure it out. So then last week she told me she realized I was serious about feeling like they were intruding so she wanted to make it up to me another try at our ice cream tradition.

Because she came to me, I decided I would give her a chance to do better. But when we were ready to leave she called the kids to come join us. I told her to forget it and mom said no. I told her she doesn't get to say no. That I am sick and tired of her including them in everything.

That I am sick of her prioritizing their feelings and their wants over mine. I told her I am done. That she doesn't need to try including me anymore. And I'm not going to let her ruin more of my time with this shit. Her step kids heard everything. I heard them ask my mom questions when I went up to my room. Afterward mom told me she and her husband was disgusted I would do that in front of them. AITA?

The internet had a lot of thougths about the family dynamic.

Dittoheadforever wrote:

You're NTA.

"Afterward mom told me she and her husband was disgusted I would do that in front of them."

What choice did you have? They're always there. Your tried repeatedly to tell her how you felt, she disregarded you at every turn.

GladToBeAlive2020 wrote:

NTA.

The only person your mother should be disgusted w is herself. She already ruined your birthday ice cream treat by bringing your step siblings to the ice cream shop for what has always been just mother& daughter time.

Then when she finally seems to understand she does it again. "last week she told me she realized I was serious about feeling like they were intruding so she wanted to make it up to me another try at our ice cream tradition. Because she came to me I decided I would give her a chance to do better. But when we were ready to leave she called the kids to come join us."

Could your step dad be forcing her to take your stepsiblings? Because it's bizarre that she said she realized how serious you were about not having one on one time with her and asked for another chance at the ice cream tradition but then she called the kids come join anyway. .that is bizarre. So it just makes me wonder if your stepdad is forcing the issue.

itsmimthethrowaway wrote:

As a mom...your mom sucks. She's being selfish and cruel, and a complete dumb--s. This is why people grow up and don't invite their mothers or fathers to their weddings and go no contact...and it's a perfectly valid reason to as well. Your mom needs to get her head out of her a-s or she will destroy all chances of you 2 ever having a relationship again.

Princessmem wrote:

NTA. Your mum is actively ruining your relationship with her. She's trying to force you into the idea of a blended family that, had she done the right way, could've worked. It doesn't sound like you dislike the step kids/dad. You just want 1-on-1 time with your mum every now and again. It's not much to ask.

I remember my mum doing the same thing when she remarried. I'd asked if we could talk about something private, and she said yes, but of course, she'll tell her husband as they're married and don't keep things from each other. I never confided in her then or ever again, and she wonders why we're not close.

stelaarov34 wrote:

NTA. It's important to prioritize your own well being and set boundaries. While your mother may nt understand your perspective, it's crucial that you communicate yur needs clearly and firmly. If she continues to disregard your feelings, you may need to consider limiting your interactions wit her or her stepchildren....