'AITA for calling out my wife’s infidelity with my brother in front of our families?'
"AITA for calling out my wife’s infidelity with my brother in front of our families?"
Hey everyone, I’m really struggling with a personal situation and could use some objective opinions. My (35M) wife (33F) and I have been married for eight years. We have two kids and, on the outside, seem like a happy couple. But I’ve recently discovered that she’s been cheating on me with my brother (38M).
It started with little signs I dismissed as stress or overthinking. Then I noticed a lot of secretive behavior—texts she’d hide, late nights out, and even her mood swings that I initially thought were just due to work stress. When I finally confronted her, she denied it at first, then confessed she and my brother had been having an affair for over a year. I was devastated, and she apologized, saying it was a mistake and she wanted to work things out.
Here’s where things get complicated. My brother is married with three kids. Our families are close, and we see each other often at family gatherings. I was furious and decided to confront them both during our last family dinner. I didn’t hold back, and I let everyone know what they’d been doing behind our backs. It caused a huge scene, my parents were devastated, and my sister-in-law was in tears. It was like a bomb went off, and I’m not sure if our family can recover from it.
Now my wife says I overreacted and that I shouldn’t have humiliated everyone like that. She claims we could have handled it privately, and my brother is saying the same thing. But I felt like I needed everyone to know the truth because keeping it a secret felt like enabling them to continue lying.
AITA for exposing their affair in front of our families? Should I have handled it differently, or was my reaction justified given the betrayal I felt? Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I know this is a messy situation, but I need some perspective.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
VegetableBusiness897 said:
I do like the nuclear option, especially when everyone is there. There is no getting his side her side my side your side. It's just all right there. And then it's done. Like riping the bandaid right off. If you had given them time, pretty sure they'd be working on a story about how they were really the injured party and you and your SIL were somehow to blame. Nope blind siding them in public makes it harder for them to lie. Sorry your going through this, NTA.
LeaJadis said:
You did not overreact. It’s perfectly reasonable to confront an adulterous spouse. It’s even more reasonable to confront the adulterous spouse alongside their side piece. its even even more more reasonable to confront adulterous spouse with side piece and side piece’ spouse. It’s not YOUR FAULT she picked someone she’s embarrassed to be caught cheating with.
WaryScientist said:
NTA - cheaters don’t get a say how they get to be exposed and your SIL deserved to know. The only thing I would’ve been hesitant about is doing it in front of the kids. While I’m all for honesty, depending on the ages, it may have been poor timing (I’m thinking super young children who don’t understand what cheating is and would just see all the grown ups yelling or crying…but it could always be used as a teachable moment that grown ups have big feelings too.
Jeri_Montesino said:
Absolutely NTA - the audacity for anyone to call you the antagonist is beyond comprehension. You were cornered into an impossible scenario created by the infidelities of those you ought to trust the most. Like pulling off a bandage, confronting the wound is needed for it to heal. What your wife and brother did was a dance of deceit performed over a year, not an impromptu stumble.
You did what was necessary, not just for your own peace of mind, but for the sake of transparency within the family. It's far better that the wound is exposed to the air and treated, rather than wrapped up tightly, festering away into something even more toxic. And to those who lament the public nature of the revelation, remember that it’s the actions of the unfaithful, not the unveiling of their actions, that truly ruins relationships and trust within a family. Stay strong, and hold your head high knowing that your integrity remains intact.
FAFO-13 said:
NTA. Your wife and your brother deserved to be humiliated and his wife deserves the truth. Now you’re entire family knows what pieces of shit they both are.
Last_Nerve12 said:
NTA. Good for you for exposing them. They deserved to be exposed. You owe them NOTHING. This is the consequence of their actions. Hold your head high, and don't let anyone bring you down. File for divorce and cut both of them out of your life. Cut out anyone who supports them. Just focus on yourself and your children. I am so sorry this happened to you.