'AITA for calling out my SIL in front of everyone? She wouldn’t stop calling me a 'sultry baby.' UPDATED

Bullies target all shapes and sizes.

"AITA for calling out my SIL in front of everyone when she wouldn’t stop making comments about me trying to be a 's*xy baby'"

I’m 27F. I’m a very short woman, 4’9 and under 100lbs. I don’t want to complain about being small, but there are a lot of people out there (esp. other women) who will not take us seriously, are judgmental, make snide comments, assume attraction to us is nefarious, etc. A lot of comments that imply we’re not real women etc. I’m used to it and usually let it roll off my back.

But there’s a new one that’s picked up momentum that I guess stems from a TV show where a girl is putting on a childish act and she says “I’m a very s*xy baby” in a cutesy voice and there’s a LOT more to it that you can just Google.

My SIL Cassie has picked this up and has been using this “against me.” I can’t wear a cute outfit without her coming down on me and chiding me for “buying into the whole s*xy baby thing” when I am JUST WEARING AN OUTFIT. I’m just trying to be ME. God forbid I wear a shorter skirt or bows or anything I think is cute.

It’s like I’m not allowed to wear cute or s-xy things because I’m petite so I’m automatically seen as trying to be a “s-xy baby” when I’m not. I’ve asked Cassie to stop or drop it and she maintains that I’m the one opening myself up to judgment and I should dress my age.

This came to a head last weekend when we were in my auntie’s backyard at the pool. I took off my wrap so I could hang with my feet in the pool with my cousins and Cassie immediately said “You’re a very s-xy baby” at me and twirled imaginary pigtails. I raised my voice and said “That’s a really weird thing to keep saying. What is your problem with me? Why do you keep bringing up that I’m small?”

She started to turn red and she yelled back again that I’m the one that’s choosing to walk around looking like the “s-y baby.”

I said that I’m literally just wearing a bathing suit (a one piece halter) and asked her what I should be wearing instead if that’s such a problem.

She yelled back that I should “dress like a grown adult” and to stop trying to cause a scene in front of everyone. I said whatever and just tried to ignore her. Later on we ended up inside at the same time and she came down on me for calling her out in front of everyone. I told her to stop trying to make me feel bad for being small, that I didn’t choose this body.

She rolled her eyes and told me to grow the f- up, and that “trying to start sh-” with her is even more proof. I am at a loss here and I’m starting to just not want to be around my family because of her. It’s not enough that I get this s-t from women at work, at the gym, basically anywhere, now it’s in my family. AITA for calling her out? Or even for just…idk, existing in my own body?

Not long after posting, OP shared a small update.

Edit: Hey I'm adding this in bc I can't respond to every comment, but it's my brother's wife, he doesn't care. We've never been close/gotten along. He'll always take her side. Other people in my family are very hands off/handle your business yourself. Just the way they are. Also Cassie isn't fat, she's just average height.

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

NotCreativeAtAll16 wrote:

NTA. Your SIL does seem obsessed with calling you out for, checking notes.... wearing clothes. This is not "s-xy" clothing. It's just small, because, well, you're petite. Enlist your brother in talking to her about this. Let her know that it needs to stop NOW. It's sizeist, you've asked her stop, and she hasn't. It's time to establish firm boundaries and enforce them.

midnightsunofab-tch wrote:

NTA. This woman is flat out body shaming you.

If this is your brother's wife HE should be getting her to back off.

If it's your husband's sister HE should be intervening.

Either way, this woman is a bully who thought she could mock you with impunity and pass it off as friendly teasing. Clearly she didn't expect you to call her out on it.

EDIT: And can I just point out the irony of this woman making fun of your size when she's clearly the "small" one here?

imyourkidnotyourmom wrote:

NTA . Detach emotionally, because Cassie resents you for looking the way you do, because there’s something she wants about it. The same is true for other women. They’re being petty and small emotionally, when they want to be petty and small physically. It’s political, it’s gross, and you didn’t get to choose, just like them.

(Small = feminine) is something they resent, and they see it in you, which isn’t your problem. Keep cool, talk to the person whose looping Cassie into your like (sil by married to a sibling- talk to your sibling) and if that doesn’t work and she keeps doing it, refocus. Forget the insult that is baby. Focus on the fact that your sister in law calls you s-xy against your wishes. Make it weird for her.

Cassie “ooh, look who’s being all s-xy baby today.” You, “Cassie, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, don’t call me sexy. Don’t call me baby. I don’t want to have s-x with you or date you. I WON’T EVER want to have sex with you or date you. It’s so uncomfortable when you call me s-xy.”

She’s either going to short circuit or say something like “no! I’m trying to be mean to you!” You “by calling me s-xy? Wtf are you talking about Cassie?”

Act like you’ve never heard the term sexy baby. Make her explain what the f her problem is, and don’t play for her, play for the crowd. She’s trying to shame you. Make it bite her in the face.

Familiar_Room_9318 wrote:

NTA, for wearing cute clothes OR for being you! Just because your petite doesn’t give her the right or anybody the right to call you “s-xy baby” or tell you “dress your age” when clearly you are. She’s probably jealous or just thinks she’s funny. Please tell your husband. But if she does it in front of everyone and he hasn’t said anything yet?

Either way keep confronting her and calling her out until she learns her lesson to respect other woman who are just trying to live.

Edit: you should call her out every time I stand by that since brother will do nothing/family. Clearly she has a problem and you have to solve it.

solidly_garbage wrote:

I mean...you know you're NTA, right? You have to. How old is Cassie? She sounds like the baby in this group, and it isn't very sexy. She got mad at you for calling her out. Continue to do so. Don't let her make a single comment without you raising your voice loud enough for everyone in the room to hear while asking exactly what you did:

“That’s a really weird thing to keep saying. What is your problem with me? Why do you keep bringing up that I’m small?”

After enough times, either she will stop, or other people will start telling her to stop.

Tinkerpro wrote:

Well, you could come up with some snarky things to say about her, but that won’t solve anything. Perhaps you need to approach this differently. She makes a comment about what you are wearing or your size:

Cassie, I’m very concerned about your fixation on my looks. I find it very uncomfortable that you continue to make an issue about what I wear.

She will tell you to dress like a grown up. You will respond: You have an unhealthy fixation on my looks and wardrobe.

I am telling you now that it is creepy and unwelcome. Then talk to her parents/spouse/brother/sister, whoever - tell them that her fixation is unhealthy and her comments are unsettling. If no one is willing to support you in this at your next encounter. Say loudly. Cassie, I’ve repeatedly told you I am not interested in you that way. Please accept my rejection and move on.