'AITA for canceling everyone’s Christmas because my mom called the cops on my husband?'
"AITA for canceling everyone’s christmas because my mom called the cops on my husband?"
Usually my husband(30) and I(27F) host Christmas eve at our house. It’s nothing big, just my (divorced) parents and my three teenage siblings. This year, we have a newborn and sat thanksgiving out but I felt comfortable doing Christmas.
UNTIL, my mom called the cops on my husband a few weeks back. One of my sisters(19) called me, crying, asking me to go pick up our younger sister (17) because she had just got in a fight with my mom & my mom slapped her.
Our newborn baby was sleeping and we wanted to get the 17yr old ASAP, so I stayed behind while my husband went to get both my sisters. My mom and my 17yr old sister were at the laundry mat (altercation happened at home) when my husband walked up to their car and told my sister “let’s go.”
My mom freaks out, causing a scene, starts yanking on the car door, telling him to let my sister out or she’s calling the c-ps. At this point, my husband had locked the door and kept telling my mom he’s not letting her out, she needs space and he’s bringing her back to our place.
My mom walks away, and I tell him to drive off, she can send the cops to my house if she wants. (I was on the phone w/ him). She calls the cops and it backfires. The cops side with us and agree 17yr old should have been removed from the situation and should stay with me for a few days.
This enraged my mom. For some odd reason she hates that my sisters and I are close. She has been telling them for years to keep secrets from me, to not tell me what happens in her house (they still do) She has called family meetings with my siblings just to say they need to stop running to me to vent. She says whatever happens in her house is none of my business.
She treats me like I am some random outsider and not her literal daughter and I’m tired of it. She tends to sweep EVERYTHING under the rug. She will never talk about an issue and will just continue life like she didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. She also has a tendency to pull the “well sorry I’m such a bad mom” card. Or she deflects and gaslights…a lot.
After she called the c-ps on my husband, with the intention to get him in some sort of trouble, I am not letting her just sweep this under the rug and show up for Christmas like we are one big happy family. If she cannot come to us like an adult and apologize + have a mature conversation, she is not welcomed in my home.
So…Christmas eve is canceled.
I’m also not going to raise my daughter around people that make her parents feel like shit. I’m not allowing her to see the people that are supposed to love you can treat you however they want just because they are family.
Now, backstory on my mother — I have never considered us to be close. She put me through a lot as a child and my teen years living with her sucked. She has serious narcissistic behaviors and seriously needs therapy but I don’t even trust her to be honest with a therapist.
She’s the type to make everyone else the bad guy and make herself look good. There’s years and years of incidents with her but this year I’ve really had it. However, I put up with her because of my siblings. So anyways, AITA for canceling everyone’s Christmas?
The internet had a lot of thougths about the whole scene.
Electronic_Ladder398 wrote:
NTA for uninviting your mom. But I think you should still host Christmas for the rest of the family, cause it seems like your sisters and your dad didn't do anything wrong. Plus, hosting the Christmas for everyone while uninviting mom would send a much stronger message to her. Or maybe I'm just a petty AH for suggesting this. lol
OP responded:
The thing is, she’s the type to not let my siblings come or she’ll make their life hell for the next week or two. My siblings would be walking on eggshells until she decided she was over it. We’re thinking of inviting the kids and my dad over christmas day for breakfast and gifts instead of christmas eve, all night.
zoehoneybabe wrote:
NTA. Your mom called the cops on your husband—of course Christmas is canceled. That’s a serious line crossed, and you’re right not to let her just sweep it under the rug. You’re protecting your family and setting a solid boundary. No one, family included, gets to treat you or your loved ones like crap without consequences.
If she can’t apologize or act like an adult, she doesn’t get to show up. Simple as that.
Your siblings will likely understand, and you’re setting a great example for your daughter about what healthy boundaries look like. Don’t feel bad for putting your family’s peace first.
OP responded:
Thank you ❤️
DubiousPeoplePleaser wrote:
Your mom sounds toxic and ab-sive. Where is your dad in all of this be why isn’t he protecting your sisters?
OP responded:
He tries but lives in a studio and doesn’t have room for them. He’s working on getting a bigger apartment after this. But he also tends to play peacemaker to not deal w/ my mom’s wrath which is annoying at times.
JuWoolfie wrote:
NTA, but it's time to remove this person from your life. Anything else would be rewarding bad behaviour and puts your family at risk. How long until she decides to call CPS on you? She's already called the c-ps...
OP responded:
Omg dontttt even speak that into existence. I will literally F-K her up but I understand what you’re saying.
Normal_Aardvark_386 wrote:
Your story unfortunately sounds alot like my big sister’s story, mom hated her & tossed her out when she was SA’d at 13 because she didn’t want her wh-re influence around me 🙄 she tried keeping us from having a relationship but we had one regardless & have fought to be as close as we can despite the circumstances thrown at us growing up.
I no longer speak to my mother for my own peace of mind because her toxicity will never change & I can choose now when before I wasn’t allowed too. But I’m my own person with my own life & she hated she had no control but good on your & your hubby for stepping up for your lil sister. I would never had survived if I didn’t have my older sister.
OP responded:
☹️ Glad you’re out of there and you kept a relationship with your sister. As an older sister, I think our biggest fear in situations like this is having our siblings resent us over something they don’t full understand. My sisters understand and know how I feel, it’s my younger brother that worries me.
I feel like the youngest never truly understand & going no contact with my mom might put my relationship with him at risk but I have a baby and my own mental health to think about.
Butterbean_queen wrote:
Come to y’all and apologize? What would that do? She’s not changing.
OP responded:
I mean…100% fair. My point is more so, she has me so f--ked up if she thinks she’s just gonna show up to christmas without AT THE VERY LEAST, acknowledging the entire situation.