'AITA for canceling my wedding after my fiancé cheated on me with a guy she told me she hates?' UPDATED

"AITAH for canceling my wedding after my fiancé cheated on me with the guy she told me she hates?"

So, this is quite a long and sad story that I need to vent as is really hard for me to deal with so far. I, 24 M, recently proposed to my now ex fiancé (23 F) after 2 years of dating. We met by mutual friends at work. We started talking as friends, we went on dates and on new years eve we officially started dating.

During the beginning of our relationship she mentions this guy, Marvin. According to her Marvin has always have a crush on her and during the first months of our relationship he texted her several times asking her to leave me and give him a chance. We used to say how pathetic this guy was and how she despises him for suggesting she would leave me for him.

I must clarify I'm nothing special, I'm a 5'4" asian nerdy guy. Time goes by and after 2 years on dating I decided to propose to her. So on new years eve I gave her the ring and she say yes in front of her whole family. I have some money saved (she doesn't work) so I started looking for venues, catering, invitations, decor and everything.

I spent a high amount of money as her parents are not in the position to help with the expenses and I have enough savings to go through this comfortably. One day, while we're running errands we started talking about having a threesome. We are in our 20's so there's a lot of things we want to try.

We discussed for a while how we could find someone and she quickly says "I have someone on mind" I asked who and se replies with "Marvin." I KNOW THAT WAS THE FIRST RED FLAG, but I let it pass. I asked why him and she just answered she was attracted to him. I asked about why she would say she hate him first and then choose him as her first option and she replies it's only a one time thing.

So I told her it was ok but we needed to talk later to set rules, limits, and I would like to talk to him personally before giving the green light. During the next couple of days she's acting really excited and she comes to me show me hotels, and when are we going to meet with him and how exciting everything is. I told her we need to talk things first as is not a easy as it sounds and we need to have some limits.

After that she calm down for a day or two amd starts to bring the subject up again. We reached a point where she insisted so much, and bring the subject up so many times I ended up saying to her that she either calm down or no threesome is going to happen. She apologized and mentions I was right but, something didn't feel right.

That afternoon we were having a nap and while she was sleeping I went through here phone and I found how she was cheating on me with him for a couple months now. They have been meeting while I was working and she even send them one of those BD$M tests you can find on line to see if his preferences matched with hers. To say I was furious is an understatement.

She woke up while I was checking the phone and I confronted her. She started crying saying she was sorry and how she didn't knew what she was doing. I packed my things and stormed out to stay at a hotel. That night I got a call from her parents saying how I was ruining the engagement and acting as a baby while I was the one who bring the topic of the threesome, and how her daughter wasn't at fault.

I hung up without saying anything and started cancelled everything I had for the wedding. She called me the next day apologizing and asking me to come back. Her whole family is sending texts asking me to man up, as I was the one at fault, and not breaking the engagement. AITAH for canceling everything?

The internet was fully in OP's corner.

wanderer866 wrote:

NTA. Just tell her family it's their fault they never taught her how to count. How else did she get having a thr*e-some wrong?

Longjumping-Lab-1916 wrote:

Never stay with a cheater.

You are young and not even married. Consider yourself lucky you found out when you did. She has shown you who she is, so believe her. NTA.

K_A_irony wrote:

NTA. She probably told her family you brought up a threesome and then got mad at her for picking someone to be the third. She probably didn't mention she had been cheating on you. Send them one text, "She has been cheating on me for months. My decision is final. Stop texting me." Then block them.

bubblegirly3044etrtf wrote:

NTA. You proposed, planned, and paid with the intention of marrying someone who respected and loved you. What you didn't sign up for was a behind-the-scenes duo turning your life into a daytime drama.

The betrayal cuts deep, especially from someone who was meant to be your partner for life, not your partner in crime. Her parents calling to chide you for "acting like a baby" is the cherry on top of an already sour cake.

Stepping back from this chaos isn't just a good move, it's a necessary one. You're not ruining the engagement— the trust was broken long before you decided to cancel the wedding. Take time for yourself, surround yourself with supportive people who understand consent and respect, and remember, you're not responsible for cleaning up a mess you didn't make.

Two days later, OP shared an update.

Hey guys. Thanks for everyone's advice, I appreciate the support and the mean comments. Both perspectives were helpful.

Now, let me address just a few things before continue

Yes, the post have grammatical errors. English is not my first language.

My ex stopped working to go to college. We met at work but she quit once we move in together. Yes, my now ex fiancé told her parents we were breaking up because I suggested the threesome and got mad when she mentioned Marvin. And her parents believed her.

Yes, I needed reassurance to make sure I was not the one in fault. I have been conditioned all my life to be a doormat so is hard to stand for myself.

Here's the update:

After seeing all your messages I reached to my FIL so we agreed to meet at a nearby mall to talk about the reasons why I broke the engagement. I did have a good relationship with him as we both share the same interests and hobbies so I figure we could have a conversation. We met and even though he looked mad, he agreed to listen.

I did take screenshots of the conversations my ex-fiancé had with Marvin and I showed them to him. After looking at everything he told me my ex gave them a totally different story. According to what he told me, my ex went to them crying saying I was breaking the engagement because I wanted to have a threesome and once she picked Marvin as the third I snapped at her.

He also mentioned Marvin has been going to check on my ex since my ex has been staying with them after we broke up. We went to my apartment and packed all of her belongings to move her out. The ring was at the apartment as well so I kept it. We're on our way to drop everything to her right now. I will keep you guys updated.

The internet was invested in the update.

BlueGreen_1956 wrote:

As Shakespeare said, "All's Well that Ends Well."

At least, her family knows the truth now.

Fubaryall wrote:

Cheating and lying go hand in hand. I’m not surprised that she lied to her parents. Good on you for having proof!

FranciscoDAnconia85 wrote:

Glad you got the ring back and got her moved out. Now you need to cut off all contact with her and her family. Move on and meet someone else.

Ok_Assist_3139 wrote:

You’re definitely NTA for canceling your wedding after finding out your fiancé cheated on you, especially with someone she claimed to hate. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and cheating is a serious breach of that trust.

It’s understandable to feel hurt and betrayed, and it’s completely within your rights to call off the wedding and reconsider your future with someone who wasn’t honest or faithful. Taking care of yourself and prioritizing your own well-being is important in this situation, even if it means making a difficult decision.

tmink0220 wrote:

Do not have threesomes unless you want second hand intimacy, drama, alc0h0l and dr-g infused chaos. There are no sustainable boundaries. People only agree to these when they want to cheat and not be called a cheater. I love how people come here with horrible stories and swear they are workable arrangements. No one of quality wants this in their lives.