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'AITA if I cancelled my wedding because of my fiance's family tradition?' UPDATED 2X

'AITA if I cancelled my wedding because of my fiance's family tradition?' UPDATED 2X


When your fiance tells you who he is, believe him and run.

In a popular post on the AITAH subreddit, a woman shared the saga of her fiance's disturbing family tradition. She wrote:

"AITA if I cancelled my wedding because of my fiance's family tradition?"

My fiance informed me that in his family they do a bedding ceremony, yup that type of ceremony where the family watches the two newly wed have sex to see if they actually had s*x. I've heard about this when I read many medieval books when I was younger but I never knew people still did this, it's not common for me to hear or see.

My fiance and I are both 25 so pretty young to be getting married but we have been together for 5 years I felt really uncomfortable when he told me this because it's just weird to me, my fiance said that it would be fine and it would end soon. Would I be overreacting if I cancelled the wedding?

I don't even feel safe around him after that comment because he shouldn't be agreeing with them but I have to realize that is his family tradition. Our wedding is in three months so I wanted some opinions because I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. Have you guys had to do this at your wedding?

The internet did NOT hold back.

YellowBeastJeep wrote:

“Your family can have whatever traditions they want, but I will not be having performative s*x for other people’s curiosity.”

Jessika1111 wrote:

If this is true - It’s 2023 and a thing called consent. Tell him he’s dreaming and he can find another wife.

I don’t believe this is true though because where would they still do this that has internet.

OP responded:

Well it is true, not too many people know because they don't talk about it but it's kind of like how gypsies get married. Some g*psies families do the bedding tradition as well, I didn't believe it at first because I've never seen it with my two eyes but hearing it and realizing that people still do it then yeah. That's just their tradition from years I guess.

Jessika1111 wrote:

So you are marrying a g*psy?

OP responded:

LOL no, my fiance and his family are from Scotland and I actually learned that there was many bedding ceremonies going on in Scotland for centuries. I'm learning a lot 😭

Revolutionary-Yak-47 wrote: I've been with a guy from the UK for nearly a decade and just asked. No one does this sort of thing anymore. It died out in the 1600s (give or take). It's NOT some common practice in Scotland today at all. He said they're either messing with you or insane.

If they want to LARP as medieval lords or whatever they can enjoy their time in a cold stone house with no heat or electric. Everyone is welcome to die of "melancholy" or "a chill" lol. But they don't need to watch you have s*x. This is literally some sick thing only they do.

Agreeable-Lawyer4011 wrote:

NTA. And I am going to wait until it is morning in Scotland for the Scottish Redditers to confirm that this is not a practiced custom in Scotland and that your fiancé is full of s**t.

BarbarianSpoonie wrote:

We have arrived! I'm Scottish, live in Scotland, and have been to many Scottish weddings, I even got married in a Scottish Castle. This is not a thing. OP, THIS IS NOT A THING! He's a creep! I don't care if you say he is part of some ancient clan of super Scots that has this tradition, IT ISN'T A THING!

JuliaX1984 wrote:

NTA You don't consent - that should be the end of the discussion. It's not, which means this partner doesn't care about you at all - he's willing to let his family violate you to appease them. Do not under any circumstances marry him.

After receiving lots of concerned questions and comments, OP jumped on with an update.

UPDATE: I'm very grateful for everyone's comment and you guys are really helping me through the situation, not too many people believe it and that's perfectly fine because this is not something we are familiar with and we don't really normalize this stuff in this century.

My fiance is at his mother's house so when he comes back I will definitely be having a talk with him about the wedding, you guys are really helping me like seriously I do appreciate everyone. It's really extraordinary to think that people still do this, I don't want to be humiliated by my in-laws and then have to live with that memory for the rest of my life so I will not be going through this wedding.

I hope you guys are proud of me. I see everyone educating me on the history of this and I do appreciate it, I'm not going through the wedding so I just want to make that clear. He hasn't been home since that argument but I did talk to him today and he said he might come today so we can talk so I want to see how that plays out and I will definitely update you guys. 💜

The internet was still in shock.

ThisEnvironment6627 wrote:

NTA that’s just strange and weird wtf? Tell his family they can watch adult content online if they wanna see two people be intimate so badly…and tell your fiancé that it’s either he stands his grounds and defends you or you’re dumping him cuz you are not entertainment for his family!

If you don’t mind me asking what ethnicity or culture is your fiancé and his family? That’s just strange and I’ve never heard of it before.

OP responded:

Oh I heard this went on during medieval times because that was their tradition and they wanted to prove that the newlywed had sex, even a Bishop had to be inside the room to bless them so there's a lot of history behind this.

Shows that I watch like house of the dragons show a lot of it and it's just gross, my fiance and I have been arguing about this non-stop and he's not backing down. I don't understand why he wants us to do this bedding so badly because he just ends up calling his mother after we have an argument.

ThisEnvironment6627 wrote:

Do you want to live like that for the rest of your life? Anytime you and he have an argument he calls his mommy? And would you be ok with him doing this with any future kids?

OP responded:

Nope I would not want him to do that, I see everyone comment and I'm very thankful for the advice because this is what I came here and asked for. He's not even here right now, he's at his mother's house like he always is because he runs back to his mommy crying.

And after his comment and his whole tradition in his family I don't think I'm going to get married, I thought this was supposed to be a happy ending for me because I always wanted to get married but I guess some things don't work out.

Monday0987 wrote:

What culture is your fiance from, as I have never heard of this.

OP responded:

He is Scottish, I'm not saying the whole country Scotland was doing the bedding ceremony but some Scottish people did that but I'm not going to generalize anything.

Embarrassed-Lab-8375 wrote:

It, absolutely, is not & never was 'pretty common for Europeans!'

OP responded:

No it actually was, it tells it in history books as well because the bedding ceremony has been around for centuries.

Two months later, OP jumped on with another major update.

Hello everyone, it has been two months since I have been on here. Some of you guys might not remember but some months ago I shared to you guys that my ex fiance had this weird family tradition where during the bedding his family had to watch.

Comes to find out all of it was lie just to see me naked, I was disgusting because his family as a whole is weird and the ones who made up that rule was the men in his family. I feel bad for the wives in his family because they were tricked to do this nasty s**t.

I deleted my original post and I am sorry, I kept getting d*ath threats so I wanted to leave and clear my head. Anyways, I'm seeing this new guy (my male best friend) kinda like friends with benefits because I don't want to rush anything and he respects that. There is your update, I know this is the boring update but I just wanted to let you guys know I am well.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

z-eldapin wrote:

Eeew! Now that the other wives know it was all a lie, what are they doing?

OP responded:

To be honest I don't know, I feel for them because these nasty men tricked them into getting exposed. One of my ex's uncles married a girl when she was 17 and he was 31🤢🤢 That poor girl and what's even sadder is that she went through it too. So happy I left him because I wouldn't want to have kids with him and have them raised around p*dos and creepy old men.

SweeperOfChimneys wrote:

Good for you, both for cancelling a wedding that would have tied you to that family, and for uncovering the lies.

Mountain-Click-8431 wrote:

Omg OP! So pleased you are out of that mess. I wonder if your fiance knew or if he also knew it was a lie?

OP responded:

Hello!! I'm happy I am out too, oh he most definitely knew. I guess that's a secret joke in his family. Weird I tell you.

Effective-Soft153 wrote:

Whoa! What a sick group of men! I’m so glad you discovered the truth and broke up with him. Your fiancé had to be aware of this trick too. Gross. Sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Keep doing what you’re doing OP. Enjoy your life and I wish you nothing but the best.

JJOkayOkay wrote:

A "boring" update is the very best sort of update when your life was threatening to be so horrifically un-boring as that. I'm happy for you and glad you're away from those monsters.

The only thing to say is: yikes.

Sources: Reddit
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