'AITA for cancelling on a day out with my friend after she brought in someone I didn't know?'
"AITA for cancelling on a day out with my friend after she brought in someone else who would be excluded?"
This is one of those things where it eats at me all day even though I know I’m probably right. My friend (19F) and I (18F) have been planning a day out for a while, almost two weeks. It was meant to be on Saturday, we were meant to go get custom phone case designs and just enjoy each other’s company for a whole day.
Yesterday however, she told me she’s made a new friend (18F) recently and she wanted to bring her along.
I didn’t even know them. I told her not to because I wanted the day to be just the two of us, also because I felt bad for potentially excluding the new girl from the custom phone case making since you had to have a pre-booking, and I didn’t know if there were spots left. She insisted it was fine and she can just tag along anyway because she didn’t have enough time any other day.
I thought it was weird, but I agreed on the term that I could get to know her before then, and if there were still free spots at the place, because that was the only way I’d be comfortable with it. She agreed. We did meet, she was sweet, but there were no spots left for the custom phone case design.
Friend decided to veto everything we agreed to and insisted she come along either way without even telling her about the activity that she wouldn’t be in on. I confronted her about this and she waved it off, telling me she’d be just fine and that it wasn’t serious. I did think it was quite serious, I didn’t like the fact that we were just going to make her stand there and watch.
I decided to tell her that I wasn’t going if she didn’t say, and since we each paid for our own, I’d just cancel it and go myself some other time. She’s pissed at me and even sent her boyfriend to text me about how it’s “not that srs bro” and I overreacted. I don’t regret it but it eats at me whether I’ve actually overreacted or not (I am quite the “snowflake”) so internet, AITA?
The internet didn't hold back one bit.
Loud_Ad1515 wrote:
You are allowed to cancel plans when they change, no issue there. I am curious how the other girl felt about this though, you frame it that the main issue was the other girl not being able to actually decorate the phone case, but she might have been totally cool with just watching. I had a friend like that before, who really just preferred to watch creative activities since she wasn't a particularly creative person herself.
She loved to watch us make candles or paint pottery but never wanted to make them herself. Are you sure everyone was on the same page? You might have thought you were "making" her watch whereas she might have been thinking she's "getting" to watch.
FloraShadee wrote:
It’s not about being a “snowflake”; it’s about wanting to spend quality time with your friend as agreed. Her boyfriend’s involvement is also inappropriate. You’re not overreacting; you’re asserting your right to have your plans respected.
Fresh_Caramel8148 wrote:
I used to have a friend who did this - every time we'd get together to catch up, she’d invite some random friend I’ve never met before to join us. Then she had a party where she invited our wider college friend group.
We all show up and it turns out to be a fundraiser - she was asking people to donate as we walked in the door. It was really odd. This is honestly part of the reason we’re no longer friends. I felt our friendship wasn’t that important to her- there was always “something/someone else” involved and it was never about just us.
MeltedWellie wrote:
I had a friend do this to me. Plan was for her and I to go up to the city to look for a dress she needed for an upcoming event. The morning of the day out, she mentions, oh I also invited 'Betty.' I have previous met Betty and find her an odd character, nothing bad, just didn't click with her but she in my friends friend as their kids are friendly.
She didn't ask if she could invite her and she didn't tell me until the day of. I spent the day playing 3rd wheel as Betty dominated the conversation, sat beside my friend at every opportunity and have you ever tried to walk down a city pavement (sidewalk) with 3 people? Doesn't work, you can maybe get away with 2 people side-by-side but 3, nope one is always behind the others (I'll let you guess who that one was).
I honestly don't actually think any of it was done maliciously, just the dynamic of the outing changed. I would never have chosen to spend time with Betty but my friend thought, "oh, they are both my friends and I like them both so it will be fine" and maybe it was fine for her, it wasn't for me. You made the right call OP.
Umiel wrote:
I had reservations at a restaurant that was always booked, and I invited a friend to join me. The day before we were supposed to go, she let me know that she had invited another friend to join us because that friend had always wanted to go to this restaurant.
I told her no, I had reservations for two, and it was too late to change. My friend got really upset and told me that she had already told the other person she could come, and she was embarrassed to take back the invitation. I said, “You’ll have to figure it out.”
We still went to dinner together, and my friend let her other friend know she couldn’t come. I was still annoyed, though, and I didn’t have as good a time. I was the one who invited my friend to dinner, and I think it is rude for a guest to try to include other people in someone else’s plans. So even if the reservations had not been an issue, I would have told her no. NTA.