'AITA if I change my unborn son's name after finding out my sister is using the same name?'
"WIBTA if I changed my unborn son's name after finding out my sister is using the same name for my nephew?"
My husband and I (both 20s) chose a name for our son early in my pregnancy. We didn't tell anyone the name but my sister (30f) snuck into the nursery to peek at what we'd done and saw the name on the wall.
She's also pregnant and said she wanted inspo for her baby nursery and then decided the cousins being born so close together should share the same first name. She told me it would be so cool to continue the tradition of multiple family members with the same name.
My sister never shared a name with a cousin. She had a family name where she was the only living person with it in the family. I did share a name with three cousins and an uncle and I hated it.
I chose to use my middle name mostly because it was "unique" in terms of the family. Not unique in general just fyi. But nobody else in my family had my middle name so I use that more than my first name. Though some family members refuse to call me anything else. My husband was disappointed like I was to learn my sister had decided to use the name and we started talking about changing the name.
We decided to scrap the one we had originally chosen and we covered over it in the nursery. My sister and mom saw the finished nursery a couple of days ago and my sister asked about the name and she told me she was hurt we were changing it. She said she had been so excited for the cousins to share a name. I told her I wanted my son to not share a name with anyone in the family.
My mom said she thought it was amazing to have a few people with the same name in a family, that it was a special connection between them. I told them I disagreed. They said I was overreacting and would be mean to change my son's name after my sister was so excited for our boys to have the same first name.
My husband said my family have an issue with boundaries and accepting a difference of opinion. And I'm coming to realize that yeah, it even shows with some of them refusing to accept my name and the fact my sister snooped on the nursery in the first place and then chose the name without asking if I'd be okay with it.
WIBTA though? I keep getting texts from my sister saying I should not change the name.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
owls_and_cardinals wrote:
NTA, your husband is exactly right. Your family is deranged with their level of boundary stomping. It is really not cool for your sister to have made this choice, essentially forcing this conformity on you that you do not want.
The saving grace is that she is pregnant now and not in a year from now when it would be more complex for you to change your child's name to prevent this. To me this would be enough to make me want to go low-contact with my family. I just would not feel comfortable sharing anything with them.
It's interesting that as YOU were the one who experienced the upbringing of sharing a name with several other people, your perspective is being dismissed by those who like the idea of it but didn't directly experience it. To me that says a lot about your family's respect for your perspective and boundaries. At this point consider keeping your new child's name a secret until the very last possible moment.
No_Glove_1575 wrote:
NTA. Your husband is right - your family is manipulative and CLEARLY lacks healthy boundaries. Stick to the new name that you are choosing for your child, and keep it a SECRET from your sis and mom until after your nephew is born!
Sleepy965 wrote:
NTA. The logic is so weird. Sure, multiple people in the family can share the same name but generally when someone says “Mikey, don’t put that in your mouth!” everyone knows they’re talking to 1 yo Mikey and not 16 yo Mikey. Having two almost the exact same age with the same name just seems…confusing.
Jazzlike_Property692 wrote:
NTA. None of the details of this story matter. Literally all you need to ask is "Can I pick the name of my own unborn son" and the answer is yes. No one else can dictate what you name your own child, period.
Your family sounds a bit crazy, honestly.
Allergison wrote:
I hope your sister is due before you. Your family has serious boundary issues. If you sister is due after you, I would seriously consider not sharing the name until after your nephew is born. You are NTA.
CuriousEmphasis7698 wrote:
NTA. But is changing the name actually going to resolve this issue. Yes, your child won't share a name with your sister's soon to be born child. However what's to stop a sibling or cousin from using what ever new name you pick for their own child at some point in the future.
I mean, once your child is born I am assuming people will know your kid's name, you can't stop someone who subsequently becomes pregnant from then choosing that name because, well, you just can't control what they do.
AnaisClio wrote:
NTA. You have every right to choose a name that feels special and unique for your son. Your sister overstepped boundaries by snooping and assuming she could use the same name. It’s understandable that you want your child to have a distinct identity within the family.
chicagoliz wrote:
But if your sister wants the same name and hasn't yet had the baby -- that is, will have her baby at some point after you have your baby, can't she just name her baby whatever you end up naming your kid? NTA, and your sister is weird. But it seems like you may as well stick with the name you liked.