'AITA for charging rent when my stepdad started telling me what to do in my own house?'

"AITA for putting my foot down and charging rent when my stepdad started trying to tell me what to do in my own house?"

My stepdad (55m) has been married to my mom (52f) about 5 years. They were doing alright but hit hard times and eventually had their house foreclosed on.

So they moved in with me (27f). They've been living here for about 2 or 3 months now. And it's been going ok until last week ish. Also, my stepdad has been working a part time job but has not had full time employment since then.

Anyways, I feel like some of the issues started since I've been on vacation, which I have for 2 weeks. Sometime during the first few days, he saw me heading out and made some sort of comments regarding my outfit. He said the shorts were too short and that I should reconsider. We fought about it back and forth until I just decided to leave because I was tired of reasoning with him anymore.

He's been making a lot of these comments in various times and various different ways (eg skirt or shorts are too short, your belly is showing etc etc). I've told him to stop and he says ok and then starts up again. I can't say I understand. I think the straw that broke the camel's back for me was when I had my bf over.

I've told my mom about it as well and she said that she doesn't support it but that this is a dispute him and I need to solve. He stayed til maybe 10:30 - 11 pm and left. My stepdad didn't say anything while he was here, but he emotionally imploded after he left.

He said that it's wrong to have guys over this late and to be in my room with them alone. He said that we don't stand for these things in our house. I responded to him that he can stand for whatever he wants in his house, maybe even in a hypothetical our house, but he can't tell me what to do in my house.

I told him that the days of him making unsolicited comments at me need to end. On top of that, I told him that from here on out I'm charging $400 a month rent with a month to month agreement. On top of that, if he continues to make comments, this agreement is over and he'll be out of the house as soon as I am able to make it happen.

My mom was upset at first about it but I was able to calm her down. First, I told her that she told me that it was up to us how to solve this dispute and this is how I've decided to solve it. Secondly, I told her that he's been staying a while and starting to charge rent would make my life a bit easier for as long as he stays.

She was a bit more amenable to that second point. Stepdad is just overall quite pissy. He hasn't told my mom or I his thoughts on the arrangement since he yelled at me about it the night of our big argument but he is just generally ignoring me when he can.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

SuperSherry813 wrote:

NTA- I think your BF needs to come over A LOT more. I think you need to assert your dominance over YOUR home each & every day. If they get too comfortable, they won’t be incentivized to get their own place.

OP responded:

That’s actually a good idea. Maybe he should move in because if the threat of eviction doesn’t stop him, maybe seeing my bf will haha. BF hasn’t been over since the incident but he hasn’t made any comments on my clothes at all so maybe he’s improving. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to get evicted who knows.

SuperSherry813 responded:

BF movie night at least 2x/week. Friends over for game night 1/week, dance party night, etc.
ENJOY your house!

OP responded:

Now, where to find the friends to make this happen 😂.

I do feel like stepdad is making progress towards leaving on his own but damn it’s slow progress. He hasn’t made any comments since and my mom says he’s planning to pay the first rent soon so I think I’m good for now.

SweetnessMelody wrote:

Sounds like you've got a classic case of "I'm the parent in my house, but now I'm a guest in yours and it's causing some tension" syndrome. Hopefully charging rent will help ease the situation, and if not, at least it will cover some expenses. Good luck!

OP responded:

That’s a whole syndrome now 😂.

I’m hoping stepdad becomes less pissy about it and agrees. I did mention to him that he’s lucky I don’t evict him now which he really didn’t like.

kdnona wrote:

The comments on your clothes is really offensive. I’d have a hard time not answering, “Guess it’s a good thing you’re not wearing them!”

OP responded:

This is a great clap back. “if you don’t like it then leave” would be another great line too if need be haha.

Cardabella responded:

Any further unappreciative, inappropriate, ungrateful or insulting comments will be interpreted as as your 2 weeks notice to leave a living situation that evidently isn't suiting you.

OP responded:

D@mn that’s more to the point than I’d have ever came up with 😂

concretism wrote:

I realize his ego is shot by not being able to provide for himself, but choosing to begin parenting a grown woman he didn't raise is creepy AF. His comments are only about your body. Why is this how he is exerting control? Why does your mother choose to see herself as not involved when she is why he is in your home? I think you had a mild reaction. NTA.

OP responded:

I’m getting these mild reaction comments a lot. How would you have reacted?

concretism responded:

I don't know your relationship with your mom, so it's hard to say. I'm able to be blunt with my family because we are generally polite and thoughtful towards each other. Enough so, I'd let the first clothes comment pass.

After the second one, I'd sit my mom down and tell her how deeply inappropriate it is her husband is fixating on my body. I'd expect her to fix it. Her saying it's between the two of you is ridiculous. You didn't grow up with this man. He only lives with you because he's your mom's partner.

I find he's behavior creepy. If a man I only know tangentially treated me like a little girl who is being naughty with a closed door, he'd be out the door as fast as I could push him out. I'm patient for a mile if someone is trying. Him playing Dad of a tween to compensate for his bruised ego is unacceptable. Your mother not stepping in for you is disappointing.

eatingganesha wrote:

NTA. I would have evicted him (but not mom) on the spot. He is not your father. He is a guest in your home. He has zero right to say anything to you besides please and thank you. Next time he “implodes”, kick him the f$%k out. I would do this, because I am an AH when it comes to dealing with ab-sive people.

Surreptitiously pack up some of his clothes into a trash bag. Put the trash bag in your car, closed with duct tape. Next time he implodes, say “this is stressing mom out, let’s go for a drive”. Frankly, I would give him reason to implode in the afternoon/early evening and add “I need to deliver some stuff just out of town and I could use your help with it anyway.”

It’s an old friend’s stuff you were hanging on to. You don’t feel safe. And once you’re in the car, agree with everything he says and promise to change. Drive about 25 miles out of town. Arrive at a motel. Would he please get the trash bag in the trunk and bring it in to the front desk? They are expecting it. DRIVE AWAY.

Text him that he has been evicted and your mom will be bringing him the rest of his stuff at her convenience. Inform him you will consider it trespassing if he shows up at your place and will call the police and seek a protective order. Then block his number. Back home, tell mom you’ve evicted him and he’s at xyz motel. Change the locks.

If she doesn’t like it, drop her off at the motel. Cut that man out of your life. He has no respect for you or your mother to behave as he does in YOUR home. He is not ever going to dial it down and suddenly back off, he is dangerous!