'AITA for not wanting to confront my mom about 'badmouthing my wife?' UPDATED

"AITAH for not wanting to confront my mom about 'badmouthing my wife' and telling her play stupid games win stupid prizes?"

I grew up in the US and when I was 18 my mom moved to Italy to head the foreign branch of her company. She had to learn Italian quickly and I never learned any as I've never been in Italy more than a few weeks at a time. She got married while living there and her husband speaks a little English, but really not fluently.

My mom is currently visiting and her husband is with her. While she speaks in English to my wife and I, of course she still interacts with her husband and speaks Italian. My wife happens to speak it as well as she was an au pair for years and lived abroad.

Going into this she thought it would be funny not to tell my mom, so she could hear their private conversations. I thought that was kind of weird, but let it go. Well my wife has come to me furious a few times saying they are insulting the food and saying they are bored.

I basically feel like they have the right to not enjoy themselves. They have been polite to our faces. My wife says I need to confront my mom for disrespecting her in her own house, but I told her she should have mentioned to my mom that she knew Italian and play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I really feel what they are saying isn't that bad. It isn't like they are personally insulting either of us.

The commenters had lots to say in response.

Guido32940 wrote:

Your wife should serve dinner and speak fluently in Italian and not say another word. They will get uncomfortable and won't say a word, but I promise they will wonder if they were overheard. Lol then let it go.

serioussparkles wrote:

Your wife just needs to respond back to them in Italian, that's the only answer here.

Firtemare wrote:

Your wife should be the one to confront her since she is the one that speaks/understands Italian. If I were her, I would have said something back in Italian long before this lmao. Oh, and they are absolutely NOT being polite to your faces. I don't know why you think that. They are insulting the s-t out of y'all in a language they assume neither one of you can understand. That's called being rude.

FairyCompetent wrote:

If they're talking s--t where she can hear them they absolutely are not being polite to your face. Grow a backbone, tell your mom if she doesn't appreciate being hosted and fed she can seek other accommodations.

KidenStormsoarer wrote:

If she's saying that in front of ya'll, even if it's in another language, they ARE being rude. they are, in fact, being far ruder than saying it to your face. if they want to have a private conversation, they need to do so in private. and if you can't have the balls to tell them that, maybe you should go back to living with mommy dearest.

The next day OP shared an update.

I continued to decline to speak to my mother, because I felt my wife's behavior was dishonest and because I don't want to be a hypocrite. I have 100% complained to my wife in private that I didn't enjoy a meal or an event.

Well it all went to hell last night. My mom left something in the living room and my wife brought it to their room and heard my mom vomiting (this was pretty soon after dinner) My wife was pissed and waited at the door despite my mom's husband trying to get her to move.

When my mom came out she asked her in perfect Italian if the food was that bad she had to throw it up. My mom was shocked she spoke Italian and asked why she never told her. My wife said because you are a b--- who talks about people in Italian. At this point I heard the raised voices and came into the room.

My mom felt her deceit was creepy and refused to apologize since she felt deceived. She said she was doing her absolute best. She had been feeling sick all week and even thrown up a few times and hid it, but didn't want to cause drama. My wife accused her of making herself throw up and my mom called her a trashy b---. I lost it and told my mom to get the f out.

My mom's husband got involved and he doesn't speak enough English to say anything directly too me, but my wife said he was calling me a piece of shit son, asking if I really didn't notice my mom looked pale and unwell. Today was supposed to be their last day, but they are off doing their own thing and I guess we won't say goodbye before she flies home.

The comments kept coming.

Project_Hush wrote:

Damn, a family who all deserve each other.

Beneficial_Noise691 wrote:

Well, at least you are all dickheads.

Your wife wanted the trouble. She kept her language skills quiet to catch your mother saying something.

You mother was rude, slagging off someone's hospitality whilst in their house, not cool.

Your wife's husband reacted like a d--khead because he knew his wife was being rude and your wife set her up but he focused on you.

You are either the least d--khead, or the most d--khead, I can't really decide but just so you understand:

You let this happen. Basically, you all suck balls.

vegetti05 wrote:

How do you have a whole relationship with someone and marry them and don't mention she speaks Italian to your mom even as a potential thing they might bond over???

notyoureffingproblem wrote:

Your mother was sick to the point of vomiting, and you're wife instead of being worried, she yelled an took an offense to it??

Your wife has been making your mother sick with her food. How is that your mother's fault?