'AITA for cooking with cooking wine when I am a recovering alcoholic? My sister got upset.'
"AITA for cooking with cooking wine when I am a recovering alcoholic?"
I am a recovering alcoholic and I have been sober for 4 years. One thing that came out of sobriety was my love for cooking. In the beginning, it kept me busy and I didn’t want to drink if I was not hungry.
Now, I just love the process of making a delicious meal for myself and loved ones. Recently I had my family over for a meal. One of the components of the meal was chicken Marsala. I love chicken Marsala. I make and eat it all the time. One of the ingredients is cooking Marsala wine.
I brought out the meal and my sister asked what the chicken was. I said it was chicken Marsala. She asked if I used wine. I said I use cooking wine, not regular wine. This started an argument about me using and owning cooking wine as an alcoholic. My sister said that I am relapsing by cooking with it and they I have basically been lying to them about being sober.
I argued back that you don’t get drunk from eating food with cooking wine. You are ingesting some alcohol, but the whole recipe had 2/3 of a cup of wine, my portion has even less. I make this because it’s delicious, not because it gets me buzzed. It also does not trigger any cravings for me to drink. If I buy a bottle, I use it to cook and it sits untouched in the cabinet until I need it to cook next time.
She ended up leaving and yelled at me to “not talk to her until I’m actually sober”. My mother agrees with me that I am not lying about sobriety by eating foods with wine in them. But when I looked it up online, there are some people who think that I am not being honest if I cook with alcohol. AITA for cooking with cooking wine when I am a recovering alcoholic?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Menorahsaurusrex wrote:
NTA. I’m a recovering alcoholic, sober for 3 years. My rule of thumb is if a child can eat/drink something, so can I. There’s some reasonable debate about N/A beer because it’s not actually N/A; it’s 0.5% ABV. I choose not to drink it because I never liked beer anyway, but if I did, I’d not consider it a relapse.
The 12-step crowd not only has some pretty strict and extreme views on sobriety, but they’re big on guilt and shame. If your sister is in AlAnon, that would explain this behavior.
OP responded:
That’s one thing I said to her. I know she has made beef strew with red wine and her children ate that. If her kids can have stew with wine, why can’t I? It doesn’t trigger any cravings for me.
sorenese wrote:
If that's all you're using it for, that's a testament to your recovery. If you cook it properly there's no alcohol content, so don't worry about your sobriety. And as a drunk who enjoys cooking, the cooking wine is the last thing I'll touch. Not strong enough to do much and more enjoyable in a sauce than anything else.
OP responded:
Yea, even at my worst time, I never even considered touching cooking wine. I know it’s wine, but in my brain, it doesn’t even register as a source of alcohol. Same with things like vanilla extract or mouthwash. They all have alcohol, but even in the very beginning of my sobriety when I was on the brink, it never crossed my mind to drink any of those things.
fuckkale wrote:
I was making chicken Marsala one night and my husband “odds”‘ed me into drinking a shot of the Marsala cooking wine. I almost threw up. No one in their right mind drinks that for the alcohol content. Plus, worth noting cooking burns off the alcohol content, so there’s no alcohol to be consumed in the finished product.
OP responded:
This is good to know! I knew it wasn’t tasty or like normal wine, because anyone can buy it without ID. I just never tried it before, whether out of curiosity or desperation. Though I did try vanilla extract as a teen and boy, that was horrible.
Timely_Egg_6827 wrote:
INFO: How badly were your family impacted by your alcoholism? I agree alcohol in food isn't the same as drinking it as it burns off and you are using it for flavouring only. I also lived with someone whose behaviours hurt me badly and for a long time after you are always waiting for those behaviours to repeat.
You try to be supportive but it is exhausting to live in fear. I wonder what got triggered in your sister. All that said, she needs to trust you to know yourself especially after so long sober. But I get her fear.
OP responded:
My family did not know about my problem with drinking until I told them after I was sober for a few months. They had no idea. I never drank around them, I didn’t live with them, and I never got into any trouble. Honestly some people were denying I had a problem because I kept it well hidden.
kalixanthippe wrote:
Has there been an alcoholic or addict in her life that would make her react this way?
NTA for cooking wine or your reasoning.
There has to be something more to her reaction.
OP responded:
Her husband’s dad is an alcoholic in recovery, and I know he was worse off than I was. He quit because of a medical condition from the drinking. He also has had DUIs and car crashes from his drinking. But he’s been sober probably longer than I have. I think almost 10 years for him.
reachmewitharay wrote:
I think totally avoiding a substance is still being tied to it. If you are able to have it in the house and show restraint, that shows actual healing instead of just running away from every trigger entirely.
OP responded:
That’s where I am at now. I can cook with alcohol and be ok at this point. Early in sobriety, if I had vodka in the house, i would drink it on a bad day. But im at the point where someone came over and gave me a fifth of vodka because they didn’t know I was sober. I was able to let that sit for a long time because I just am not tempted to drink, even when I go through a rough time.
I used the vodka to make vodka sauce eventually, and it was tasty. I also don’t mind if people drink around me or even if they bring alcohol to drink in my house. I’m happy and secure in my sobriety and have been for a solid couple years now. Having alcohol in the house doesn’t bother me. But I also don’t see cooking wine as a drink, more like an ingredient like vinegar.
West_House_2085 wrote:
I have some sober time. I cook w/ wine. Adds a great depth of flavor! Once cooked there is a trace of alcohol left. A trace. Not enough to have the cops step up when you feed chicken Marsala to a child. Even my hard ass sponsor didn't have a problem w/ me cooking w/ wine. Keep cooking w/ cooking wine & enjoy your food. Sis can pound sand & wind her damn neck back. NTA.
OP responded:
Yes, I use it for the flavor! I’ve read it doesn’t all get burned off, but for me, that’s ok. I read articles about how to cook off all the vodka in vodka sauce it takes days. But because I am not getting drunk off of it, even if I eat way too much, it’s fine by me. It’s never been a threat to my sobriety, even in the beginning.