'AITA for correcting my ex when he said we had a mutual break up and making things awkward?'
"AITA for correcting my ex when he said we had a mutual break up and making things awkward?"
I (25F) and Evan (25M) had been dating for a little over two years. We have plenty of mutual friends that we hang out with a lot and I thought that everything was going great with us.
We did not live together but the topic of considering doing so was something that started to come up during the last months of our relationship. The thing is, around four months ago he got a new job and quickly became really close to one of his co-workers.
He would constantly bring her up so much that I told him that we should all hang out but he’d just say “nah, she wouldn’t want to she’s kinda shy” or “she’s busy this weekend.” I thought: okay fair, but did clock that it was kind of weird. So at first it didn’t bother me too much because I was glad he was getting along with his new co-workers, but then I noticed that he had started to text her a little too much.
Like, every time we were spending time together his phone was just going off. I had even caught him smiling at his phone when he was doing so and I knew that it was her he was texting because when I’d ask “who’s that?” he wouldn’t even look up at me and just say her name. Elle.
It was one of those times that he was texting her that something just snapped in me and I decided that it was not something I was going to tolerate. I am a sort of jealous person, I’ll admit that, and he knew that. I’d also like to think that I’m not an irrationally jealous person, but the way he just seemed so different and excited to talk to/about this new friend was just too much for me.
So I told him straight up that his friendship with her was making me really uncomfortable and that it felt like it was more than just a regular friendship. He rolled his eyes and said that it wasn’t his fault they had so much in common and that I was being insecure.
Perhaps I was, but after going back and forth with him for a while I told him that I didn’t want to be with someone who made me feel that way and we broke up.
Now, fast forward to a week ago. It was one of our friend’s birthdays and we all got together to celebrate.
I had seen him at these outings with our friends since the break up and we didn’t really speak other than a ‘hey’, so it wasn’t too weird for us to be in the same room. (Okay, it sort of was for me.) Except this time when he came hand in hand with a girl and introduced her by the name that I knew so well (Elle) I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I was so hurt but at the same time felt so validated that I wasn’t being crazy.
He just shook his head and said something like “C’mon don’t do this, it’s been months and we both decided to break up mutually. Am I not allowed to move on?”
That REALLY annoyed me and I just said “Uhm, no. I broke up with you because I didn’t believe you when you said Elle was just a friend and clearly I was right.”
I could tell he was mad that I said that in front of everyone and Elle looked uncomfortable, but I didn’t care. The conversation quickly moved past the awkwardness and the rest of the night was great. I did apologize to the birthday girl who I’m super close to, but she said she didn’t care and instead just made me tell her everything, lol.
I thought that was that, but earlier today Evan texted me saying that I was fucked up for making things awkward for him and his new girlfriend. That some of our friends are refusing to welcome her with open arms and that some are even referring to her as “the girl Evan cheated on myname with.”
Now, I’m not sure that he really did cheat on me, at least not physically, but the fact that I was right and there were feelings there that were more than just friendship make me feel validated and I refuse to correct our friends or to try to smooth things over. So, AITA?
The internet had OP's back.
Backgroundsoup7952 wrote:
NTA.
I would have just texted him back like, "If you hadn't lied, then I wouldn't have had to say anything. Please never contact me again. I really don’t care about your new gf and have moved on."
Then just block him. Out of sight out of mind. It's up to your mutual friends how they want to handle things gs going forward with him and Elle. Just ignore them and don't stoop to any drama. You have told your truth, and that's it. Just focus on yourself and the friends who matter and leave him in the dust.
glimmerseeker wrote:
NTA. He tried to make you look petty and immature by lying and saying it was a mutual breakup. All you did was set the record straight after he lied. However your friends are treating him and his new chick are the consequences of his own actions.
Sufficient_Cat wrote:
"I did apologize to the birthday girl who I’m super close to, but she said she didn’t care and instead just made me tell her everything, lol."
NTA. The only one I would have worried about was the birthday girl but she seems to love the drama so great job. You don’t owe it to him to pretend the break up was about something it wasn’t.
SweatyFLMan1130 wrote:
An old joke comes to mind, "If he says he wants to be with other people, then he's already got someone, or at least has that horse saddled and ready to go." Beyond the s-xist implications, it carries with it some long-known wisdom. He might not have broken it off with you to be with Elle.
But he certainly had her in mind for such a thing. He seems to have been emotionally cheating, at the very least. And if he can't bring her around to hang out with both of you, that's a huge red flag. You did right. NTA.
IndieFoxie wrote:
Don't be gas-lit girl! I think your first instincts were spot on and now he's trying to guilt you into feeling bad about confronting them and telling the truth. He obviously spun it one way to make himself and Elle look good.
Good for you for speaking up - whatever your friends do or don't do, not your concern. If my bf was constantly texting or speaking to another woman that he worked with, outside of work hours...I wouldn't be happy either.