'My sister turned my family against my BF because he has the same name as her BF.' AITA? UPDATED 2X
"AITA for dating someone who has the same name as my sister's boyfriend?"
I've (18f) been friends with "Chris" (18m) for a while, and we found out we had mutual feelings so we're very fresh in the early dates stage. We're not an official couple yet, but it seems things are moving towards that way.
My sister (21f) has been dating her boyfriend "Chris" (24m) (DIFFERENT chris from the one I'm dating, just the same name) for nearly 5 years. She asked me where I was going and I said I was going on a date with a guy. Naturally, she wanted to know more details and I told her his name.
She completely freaked out, and after a rampage told me she does not want to be my sister anymore if I could be so disrespectful to date anyone with the same name as her boyfriend. In my opinion, her reaction was proportional to that of someone who just found out I had slept with her boyfriend (obviously haven't).
Things have completely escalated, and she managed to convince my mom to be against me and who I chose to date, and my mother said he won't be welcome in our home. Is it really that big of a deal to happen to date someone with the same name as your siblings SO? I feel like I'm going crazy. AITA?
TLDR: Am seeing someone who shares a name as my sister's boyfriend. Sister is furious. AITA?
Edit 1: I wanted to add some extra information down here on how the situation escalated more. My sister was so angry about me being with someone, she tried to hack my accounts and find "my Chris's" social media (like Steam). On Steam she saw he has a few NSFW games his friend gifted him as a joke.
She has used this to convince my mother he is a pervert (he isn't), which made my mother say he is not welcome in our house and I am practically disowned until I "choose my family" over him.
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
Freckles1192 said:
NTA, While it may be confusing when having discussions involving the "Chris's" it's not a big deal. Your sister is nuts and your mother is an enabling loon as well.
RuralJuror1234 said:
NTA but what the heck is wrong with your sister and mother?! Chris is a super common name (not that it would matter much if it wasn't) and your family is behaving truly bizarrely
Shadowchani said:
NTA I know a couple who share the same first name. They are "Steve & Steve". I once asked Steve if it was weird dating someone with the same name and all he said was "makes it easier for my mom to only remember one name"
McSuzy said:
Consider this your lucky day. A deranged woman has severed her sibling relationship with you. Go out and celebrate with a nice glass of wine!
befuddledmama said:
NTA. Your mom and sister are off their rocker. I could see it being weird if it was a rare unique name, but Chris is so common. So I'm trying to understand how it's "disrespectful". Does she think dating a guy with the same name means she thinks you have a subconscious thing for her man?
bewitchstitch said:
NTA, so what if they have the same name. My family loves when someone brings home a SO with the same name as someone else. It ends up giving everyone a good laugh normally. Your sister seriously over reacted.
And Mathkavky said:
My sister and I both married different Kevins at the same time. Who cares that you’re both dating Chris’. That’s an insane thing to have issue over. Makes me wonder if she has a thing for your Chris…
A month after her original post, she shared this update:
Hi all, back on mobile. I wish I had a happy update for you guys, as you guys were so supportive in my original post a month ago. Sadly, that is not the case. My sister (21f) has been completely succesful in manipulating my parents to absolutely hate my "Chris" (18m), despite having never met him.
She paints herself as wanting the best for me, a guy who "deserves" me, but in reality she just could not take it that MY "Chris" has the same name as HER "Chris" (24m). The month was filled with either me being frozen out at home, or being screamed at and torn apart emotionally. I was determined to continue seeing my "Chris", because I like him and he makes me happy.
Today, my parents told me they would be dead to me if I continued seeing him. The narrative they all believe in is that "I chose Chris over my family" and that I should not date them if it makes them unhappy. I have never felt so tired in my life - they gaslighted me, yell at me late at night, even though they know i have to get up at 6:30 for work. I could not take it anymore.
It has been like this my entire life; if they don't like something they will gang up on me until I'm forced to make the decision they want me to make. My last post was filled with comments of people urging me to move out, which I completely understand, but I simply can not do for numerous reasons, the biggest one being it's very expensive to live on your own in my country.
If it was possible, I would have done it the moment I turned 18. I went on a walk with "Chris" (who is aware of how toxic my family has been) and broke up with him. We are both really sad about it, but he did understand. I just can not be in a relationship while I live at home. There is no solution. I'm just so tired and so sad. I wish I could have given you guys a happy update.
Edit 2: My parents and sister do know what he looks like, because he works in a local grocery store and we bumped into him before him and I were seeing each other (ugh). Sadly, reintroducing him by a different name will not work. I wanted to let you know that I'm reading all of your comments and I will definitely be Grey Rocking as many of you informed me about.
Thank you for the helpful links on how to deal with this situation. I want to try and move out (with a roommate?) when I get my driver's license (I just started so this should be another 2 months minimum), because then I feel I'll be independent enough (my parents threatened not to drive me to work because they're "dead to me" as long as I date this guy).
As for my Chris, we've decided to stay in contact and he actually wants me to reach out to domestic abuse facilities. It feels scary because I don't know what they would do but it might be something I'll follow up on. Lastly, thank you for the Hugs awards, and all of you in my comments are getting a virtual hug back from me.