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'AITA for declining to invite a woman who has called herself ‘a total klepto’ into my home?'

'AITA for declining to invite a woman who has called herself ‘a total klepto’ into my home?'

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"AITA for declining to invite a woman who has called herself ‘a total klepto’ into my home?"

I joined a Women’s Social Club 6 months ago because I’ve been struggling to make friends after relocating to a new-to-me city. It took me a while to warm up to the group and to connect with people I actually had anything in common with.

I had to wade through a lot of botox parties and boozy brunches to find things I was interested in. But I did, and I started coming to group events fairly often. I hang out most often with the women who like to read, do crafty things, bake, skywatch, etc. Among these women is one, I’ll call her Andea, who has made several comments about how she’s a total klepto.

I think that she makes these comments to seem “cool” to the other people in the group. I reached out to some of the women I see regularly at these events and invited them over to my place to watch a TV show we’d been talking about and do crafty stuff. They were excited and agreed to come.

Unfortunately, Andrea found out (I assume someone asked if she was going) and reached out to me to ask if she was invited. I considered this for a bit and then told her no, as I only had so much room at home. She didn’t believe me and asked me for the real reason, saying “I thought we got along” which yes, is true. I told her I’m not comfortable inviting a kleptomaniac into my home.

That I’ve worked hard to have the things I have and it would be stupid for me to invite her knowing that she openly brags about it. She said ‘Okay’ very quietly. She then said “You’re painting me out to be some horrible criminal when you don’t even know anything about me.” I said that her being proud to call herself a klepto was all I needed to know.

She said that I was a high school mean girl and ableist. I am unsure what the foundation for that statement is. This unfortunately has spilled over to the group, which is frustrating. But what has me the most surprised is that there are so many people defending her and telling me that I’m out of touch and take things too literally. Am I?

People had plenty to say about OP's quandary.

Tipsy-boo wrote:

NTA. Being a thief isn’t the same as being a kleptomaniac or a ‘klepto’. One of the key factors of diagnosing kleptomania (which is a legit rare mental health disorder) is the rollercoaster of emotions about the theft.

A kleptomaniac will not tell virtual strangers that they have stolen because the shame is physically painful to them. Andrea is the ableist for rebranding kleptomania to justify her poor behaviour.

OP responded:

I know that there are people who say they are "being so OCD" about something and they just mean they're being fastidious. I'm not well versed on kleptomania, but I thought her comment might have been along those lines.

Techno_Core wrote:

NTA.

"I said that her being proud to call herself a klepto was all I needed to know."

Great response.

ETA: I assume she meant you're ableist because she sees her kleptomania as a disease. She is toxic.

OP responded:

Oh, that helps explain the ableism comment.

ParisianFrawnchFry wrote:

I need more information. How does she say she's a klepto? Is she being silly or serious? I just don't see someone doing this seriously but in jest for accidentally taking something.

Like, when I was in my 20s and smoked, I always came home with 5 lighters that weren't mine and no recollection of taking them. I'd give them back but it was a running joke. Do you think she's going to come to your house to watch TV and steal your jewels? You may be taking her too literally.

OP responded:

She says it like it's a funny personality quirk. One of the first stories I heard from her was about stealing from a children's store in the mall, Claire's.

SassyCatLady442 wrote:

NTA. I had a girl in my sorority describe herself as a "self diagnosed klepto" and that "if she saw something she liked, she just couldn't help herself" be it something at a store, on campus, or in possession of one of us. After she took it, it became her property, and heaven forbid you try to get your things back.

I refused to associate with her outside of meetings. I never hung out with her, let her in my car or dorm room, never let her near my purse or jacket in group settings. She cried that I was a b-lly. People like them are always going to play victim. I'm very glad you're keeping your boundaries.

1010137633 wrote:

NTA. Those defending her are more than welcome to have Klepto-Andi in their houses. I’d say no too. She isn’t entitled to an invite to your home, no matter her circumstances. People who make these comments have to learn there are consequences to their behaviors...even if she is exaggerating the issue. You aren’t an ableist or high school mean girl for protecting your property.

Pesec1 wrote:

NTA. A word of advice: if anyone brags about or claims being a bad person, you should always believe them and act accordingly. If she didn't want to be treated like a thief, she shouldn't have been bragging about being a thief. If she was actually lying and wanting to sound "cool," that's her problem.

Firm-Molasses-4913 wrote:

NTA I too would be wary of an adult who brags about being a kleptomaniac, not because they might take something of mine, but because I assume they’re a complete idiot. If there’s someone discreet in the group that you respect ask them what it means for you to be out of touch in this situation. Can they give you some insight into why this is getting the mixed reaction?

Sources: Reddit
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