'AITA for declining my pregnant sister's request to move in with her?'

"AITA for declining my pregnant sister's request to move in with her?"

My sister (F33) wants me (F29) to move to Chicago and help her with her and her husband's business. We are from South East Asia and I have been living in California for almost 10 years now..My sister moved to Chicago from our home country over a year ago with her husband. They recently got pregnant and expecting around September.

My brother-in-law has a retail business which he also recently purchased and managing with his own sister. My sister has a very good paying job in the healthcare as well. And whenever she has off days, she also goes and help out with the business. She has always encouraged me to change states as they believe I need some change in my life as I struggle with depression and anxiety.

Yesterday my sister asked me to move to Chicago and help them with their business. I have always struggled here in the states. I live with my boyfriend whom I met in high school. We have been together for almost 12 years now. But we aren't married yet. My sister really doesn't like my boyfriend because he doesn't look decent A/C to her.

He has a lot of facial hairs and long hair which is frowned upon in my culture. There are other reasons as well but I just think they are being really hard because of our culture. So yeah basically they asked me to move there because after she gives birth, they will need extra help with the baby and their business.

But I have my whole life here and my work is funding my college fees. My college is online btw which is also why they want me to move there. I really don't want to move especially to that cold side of the states. I just said I couldn't. But now I am feeling bad. I have always wanted to be in the same state as my sister.

When she moved to the states from our home country, I asked her if she can move to Cali, but she declined as her husband had been living his whole life in Chicago and they didn't want to move. I don't know I am just feeling bad and guilty for not being there for them. So AITAH?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

SpinnerofYarn wrote:

NTA. Having your college fees paid by your job is a huge savings. Having to pay for college with loans can affect your life for decades, and I speak from experience on that! You shouldn't live your life for other people. If you'd rather stay where you're at, with your boyfriend and your job, that's what you should do.

Your sister and her husband chose to have their own business, she's chosen to work both at the business and a regular job, and she and her husband have chosen to have a child.

Any problems with that are theirs to solve because you didn't marry either of them, you're not a parent to this child, and you didn't invest or start the business, nor did you promise to be involved in any of those things.

If they felt they were going to need someone's help if they made those choices, they should have asked for the help before they started any of it, whether it was the business, having a baby, or both. She doesn't get to be unhappy with you for not being willing to live near her because she made the same decision for herself.

HeddaLemming wrote:

NTA. Live where you want to live. Your sister is in Chicago because that's where she chose to live. You're where you chose. She doesn't get to choose where YOU live just like you didn't get to tell her to live close to you when she moved to the US.

megggie wrote:

She didn’t want to adjust her plans to be closer to you, but is now guilt tripping you to give up your entire LIFE to help her and her husband, with absolutely no benefit to you? Nope. They’re looking for a nanny & “help” (ie unpaid labor) at your brother-in-law’s store. Stay where you are and live your own life.

DaisySam3130 wrote:

Nope, nopedy, nope. Why would you willingly sacrifice your studies, your future earning potential after study, your relationship (although if he hasn't put a ring on it in 12 years, I think you need to take a long hard look at that ridiculous situation)? and why would you exchange what you have to be a junior, subservient,free/slave labour for a selfish older sibling? None of this is okay. NTA.

thefanciestcat wrote:

NTA. You get to live your own life. Your life is not less important than theirs or the things they want. Refusing to do this doesn't mean you don't love your sister.

"they will need extra help with the baby..."

Couples raise babies without relatives abandoning their lives and moving thousands of miles to help them all the time.

"...and their business."

This sounds like a situation where you don't get paid, which is unfair to you. However, if they do intend to pay you to work at their business, they can just as easily pay someone else.

Still-a-kickin-1950 wrote:

If you are dealing with depression, moving to a colder state, which also gets less sunshine with depression will only get worse. Are they wanting you as a free childcare as well as free help with the business. You have your own life going on staying in California and talk to your boyfriend as to whether he has any plans to make your relationship permanent. Perhaps making it permanent after you finish college.