AITA for declining a wedding invite that didn't include a plus-one for my wife? My friend is upset.'

"AITAH for declining a wedding invite that didn't include a +1 for my wife?"

A buddy(42m) from high school is getting married in May. My( 42m) invitation did not include a plus-one for my wife(41f). In talking to his younger brother(39m) who I'm also friends with, I learned it's not a small wedding. Their guest list is well north of 250 people.

They work in sales and have made many contacts and decided with some friends, they would not extend the Plus-1, as a way to reach as many friends/coworkers/acquaintances as possible for their event. I have no issue with this. Neither does my wife. She didn't care either way. Happy to go if invited but won't lose sleep if not attending.

My friend and his fiance have been to our house for at least 2 dinner parties I recall, a kid's birthday party and a couple BBQ relaxing days on the deck testing out the smoker. The women get along very well and have never had a cross word.

This is simply an issue of wanting to touch as many different people as possible, and omitting the plus-1s for some guests allows this. Makes sense. I RSVP'd No to the wedding. I just like to go to weddings as a couple. This isn't a control thing or a respect thing, I just know weddings are a long, all day affair and I don't have a million 10 minute conversations with strangers in me anymore.

I'd prefer to mingle a bit, talk with friends and family we know, eat with her, dance a lot with her and celebrate their special day. The reception is also about an hour away, so after drinking a bit at weddings, we usually would get a room locally and Uber there. My buddy was not happy to say the least.

I told him what I just typed and said I wish them all the best, I understand exactly why they're doing no plus-1s, with no objection, and we would still send a gift despite not attending. He didn't care, continued to get further agitated. After being pushed harder, I told him "for such a bright guy, I can't see how he didn't see that some people would give regrets to this." This is where he hung up on me, lol.

Talking to my Dad, who has known him for 28 years, and met his fiancee as well, he said his anger may be that he's getting far more declines than they expected and is lashing out. He's a buddy I've had for years, but not my best friend. When our lives went in separate directions we amicably fell out for about 10 years up until recent.

Let's not pretend my presence is vital to their wedding here. AITA to decline? Should I have just attended alone as I don't have a hard reason why I can't attend, like a conflict of times with another event?

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the stiuation.

Jwaltniz wrote:

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't care what excuses the bridge and groom formulate in their heads, it is never acceptable to invite a person without his or her spouse. Period, end of story.

Never means never. Not because you ran out of room, not because your mother doesn't like your friend's wife, and not for anything else. A married couple is a unit. You invite neither or invite both. Period.

lavenderhaze91 wrote:

NTA - your friend is upset that he’s invited 250 people. Who probably don’t know each other and is shocked that people don’t want to spend their money and time on an event where they don’t know anyone and seems to be more of a networking event for him and his new wife.

And now he’s likely getting a huge amount of no’s and they’re freaking out because they need the money/gifts to pay for the wedding lol.

What a dummy!!

adoraloveu wrote:

NTA. It’s completely reasonable to want to attend as a couple, especially at a wedding where you’re expected to be there all day. You’ve made it clear to your friend why you’re declining, and it’s not like you’re holding a grudge.

If the invitation didn’t include a +1, that’s their choice, but you’re allowed to prioritize your own comfort and preferences. The fact that your friend is upset over something so small is a bit much. Your relationship with your wife should come first!

Nervous-Priority-752 wrote:

Imo a wedding invite is just that, an invite. You never have to go, but you’re allowed to. That’s what an invite is. There is never a reason you’d be the asshole for not going.

Alarming_Paper_8357 wrote:

NTA. Their invitation was socially inappropriate. This is a WEDDING, not a business building opportunity. A social and often religious occasion. YOU DON'T LEAVE OFF THE SPOUSE. PERIOD. Rude as hell, especially since they have enjoyed hospitality AT YOUR HOME. A spouse is not a "plus 1". A spouse is part of the package.

Either invite the whole package or none. Sorry if he's upset but I think your Dad is right -- your buddy is treating it like a business event, and is surprised when people are confused and think it's a social event. Going to a business event stag is one thing -- the expectations to mix and mingle for business purposes are there.

But going to a social event stag -- who are you supposed to dance with? Single women who weren't allowed to bring THEIR plus ones? Yeah...no. You did everything right, and an invitation does not obligate you to attend. That's why there's RSVPs. Send a gift and forget about it.