'AITA for defending my daughter's comment about why my other daughter is single?'

"AITA for defending my daughter's comments towards my other daughter being single?"

My daughter (17f, Emily) has been dating this boy (17m, Zach) for around 2 -2 1/2 months now and he recently came to visit us, and this is the first time he has came over for dinner, and this is Emily's first BF. Zach is a very lovely boy and very outgoing. When he came in and saw me he says "Emily, I didn't know you have two sisters."

I laughed as even though it's cliche I know he's trying to be nice. The entire time at dinner he was very polite but he is also a very outgoing kid. He would say stuff like "what a lovely dinner, this food is great, your backyard is beautiful," etc, etc. So while you could say he was trying to be overly polite, he was still a very sweet and kind kid.

Emily is a more shy and reserved person so I felt they were really great for each other. Emily is also very sweet and positive, another thing they have in common that I appreciated. My husband also hit it off with him and they were engaging in sports banter, and eventually came to trash talking some football team owner.

My older daughter (amy,19), however kept grilling the poor guy. Asking if he would pay for dates, to which he said yeah, and then she asks how he has money, and he said his job, then she started talking about making time for Emily, in between school friends and a job. Then it came onto how they would get to dates and she started asking him about his license.

She then started to ask about protecting her making comments on his stature (hes on the shorter side and kind of chubby, like 5'7 and maybe a little overweight, nothing crazy however) and he seemed to be getting uncomfortable so I brought out dessert, which he again complimented, and my husband brought up sports to change topics.

After he left I asked her why she would do that. She said that he seemed to nice, and cliche, as if he was faking it. I said so people cant be nice these days? You made it weird for him and Emily, Emily didn't deserve that neither did he.

She said that she just didn't like that vibe as no-one is that nice or positive it was definitely forced. Emily butted in and said that she really didn't appreciate that and said that Amy's reasoning didn't make sense. Amy said that she didn't care if it was awkward as she wanted to grill him, and that she doesn't like him because he seemed fake.

Emily said, that Amy was messed up and I agreed. Amy then said that he was some dumb weak kid faking being nice, and this upset Emily, and me. Emily then said in a fuss "You only say that because your single and no one will date you." She has been slightly sensitive about this as she hasn't been in a committed relationship yet.

This upset Amy and Amy asked why I didn't say anything or stop her from going to her room. I said that she just insulted her bf and that she deserved it, she told me I should punish her and was being a bad parent and now Amy isn't talking to me and I feel that maybe a personal insult like that was to far.

The commenters were quick to share their two cents.

Square-Minimum-6042 wrote:

Amy was way out of line. That poor boy was a guest in your house and you should have cut her off and not allowed her to treat him so poorly. I get that he was over the top with the compliments but he's a kid and was nervous.

Amy was TAH but you really should have stopped her.

Financial_Bear_5071 wrote:

I'm going to park the fact that this sounds like it was written by a teenager and comment as if it was real. YTA. You or your husband should've stepped in way sooner and told Amy to pack it in. The kid is 17, she's not the parent, and it's none of her business. Instead, you let her sit there and make him and Emily uncomfortable.

You didn't even intervene when she insulted his physical appearance - the irony that Amy had the nerve to get upset when Emily got personal is not lost. What kind of parent are you?

Old_Inevitable8553 wrote:

NTA. Amy was being rude and you should've told her to shut it during dinner. Not allowed her to keep running her mouth like that.

Hurpdadurp wrote:

Did the kid fake it a bit? Yeah ofc. He's a kid meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time, ofc he tries to be extra polite and nice, he was probably terrified and nervous and hopeful that the parents like him. That's normal.

Amy grilling him like that and being so antagonistic also definitely comes from some jealously, because otherwise you should know by 19 how someone acts the first time with parents of their partner.

Amy being selfish and just deada--s telling Emily she didn't care how she felt and then belittling her boyfriend by constantly calling him fake and weak and dumb... ofc Emily explodes at her. And honestly, if one side is clearly not intending to de-escalate at all, not much you can do. Especially if they're 19. I couldn't really call you an asshole for not immediately going "ok Emily that went too far."

NAH. It's family life, stuff happens. Honestly, the whole thing just sounds like two teens with teenager having a squabble. Let them cool down and then maybe try talking it out. The only time I'd see you could have intervened was just nipping the whole thing in the bud immediately at the dinner already or take Amy aside when she wouldn't stop.

Aggressive_Cattle320 wrote:

NTA. You should have pulled Amy aside, long before it got this far, and told her to knock it off. Tell her that she is NOT the parent in the home and it made everyone feel uncomfortable with how she kept on questioning him about things that were none of her business.

It sounds like she had a chip on her shoulder that her sister had a date and that Amy might have wanted more attention. Either way, Emily was right to be upset with what Amy put her bf though and if anyone is owed an apology, it's Emily and her guest. No one feels great being asked 20 questions by a sibling, of all things!