'AITA because my dirty co-worker got fired after I stopped giving him a ride to work?'
"AITA because my dirty co-worker got fired after I stopped giving him a ride to work?"
So, I’ve been getting some flak at work because a well-liked co-worker of ours got fired for repeated absences after I stopped giving him a ride to work. As background, I’m an Active Duty Military mid-level healthcare provider and he was an entry level civilian contractor. We both worked at a large Military Hospital.
Earlier this year, “John [20m],” who recently started working at the hospital, was asking around our department for people he could carpool with. Everyone gave various reasons why they couldn’t help, and eventually I volunteered because he lived nearby and it wouldn’t be out of my way to pick him up.
(I will preface this by noting John was very well liked in our department with most of the older ladies adopting him as their “work son” etc. He’s also the youngest employee by almost a decade.)
This issues started about one month in when I noticed every morning after I picked him up, he would bring various food products to eat on the drive to work. This didn’t bother me at first, but as time went on he was leaving food trash and crumbs in my vehicle.
I’m an extremely clean individual, so this bothered me and I said something. He continued eating, and kept forgetting to clean after himself. I was getting tired of constantly reminding him to take his trash with him, and I started just throwing the trash away myself. After doing this a few times, I decided to just leave the trash, and see if he would notice.
He didn’t. For weeks the empty water bottles, redbull cans, candy wrappers and empty containers started to pile up in by passenger door and floorboard, and stayed until I asked him politely “could you take that trash with you?”
His response of “yeah of course, I don’t mind” made me feel like he thought it was MINE and I was asking for a favor. There’s more examples, but to keep things short, I gave him an ultimatum, he needed to clean up after himself and respect my car, or he would need to find another ride to work.
Not even a week later, he was eating some type of meal with flaky crackers and it was spilling on his lap the entire ride to work. When we pulled into the parking garage, he dusted all the food crumbs from his lap onto my carpet. We left the car and went to work. After work, when I returned to my car, there were ants inside of my vehicle.
I had enough. So I made up an excuse, and told him I couldn’t give him rides. He took it well, and the rides stopped. But over the next few weeks, his tardiness started to pile up. His agency fired him in September. We are not privy to contractors personnel issues, but everyone assumes he was fired for being chronically late.
Fast forward to today, while on break, I overheard some folks saying he was fired because I stopped giving him a ride to work and that was selfish of me etc. I never told anyone except him why I stopped, and I’m assuming he told them some half baked truth and because he was well liked, I know they believe him. AITA?
The commenters had a lot to say in response.
DevilsAdvocate7391 wrote:
NTA. Firstly, you aren’t obligated to give him lifts anyway, and he’s a grown ass man. Either he’s responsible and gets to work on time, or he gets fired. Secondly, he’s being disrespectful. Plain and simple. Is it his car? No.
So he can listen to you and pick up the damn litter he leaves everywhere. Thirdly. Everyone’s giving you shit for not giving him lifts, but did they step in and help? No! They didn’t! The hypocrites can be quiet! NTA.
OP responded:
Thats the part that bothers me the most. The same people that are upset he got fired, never once volunteered to give him a ride. Even the two weeks I was on vacation, he took an uber to work. I feel like I have a target on my back.
itsmissyxo wrote:
NTA. Being blatantly disrespectful even after you confronted him is not cool. He was disrespecting your personal space and I don't think its selfish to want to make the issue stop by refusing rides. Was there a reason why he couldn't drive himself or use public transportation?
Not that it matters, but if he really wanted the job he could've found other ways to get to work. It's not your fault he got fired, its his fault for screwing up and disrespecting you and your space then not being an adult and finding the resources he needed to get to work.
OP responded:
We live in a “semi-metropolitan area” where public transportation is not the best. Its either you drive or walk to work. When he got hired, he used to have a car but it was shared with him and his ex-girlfriend. When she moved out, she took the car.
DA-2003 wrote:
NTA. You’re not entitled to give him a ride and for a dude that is so well liked it’s ridiculous no one else was willing to offer. But you said yourself he was well liked and will have to understand that there are probably quite a few people who will/have taken his side over yours. I don’t know what that means to you but it’s just the truth.
Either you have to say you don’t care or tell the truth. He wasn’t respecting your property and you don’t feel like it was your responsibility to be giving a favor to someone who couldn’t respect your property. Not to mention calling them out for the blatant hypocrisy of talking behind your back while neither of them offered him rides either.
OP responded:
Thats the part that bothers me the most. Absolutely no one volunteered to help him, even while I was on vacation. But now, I am somehow responsible because he got fired. I feel like shit to be honest. I don’t know why, but it bothers me.
StopSpinningLikeThat wrote:
So if he is 20 and everyone at work is at least a decade older than him, that means you are at a minimum 30 years old. You have to learn how to set healthy boundaries. This kid walked all over you and when you finally stood up for yourself, you still say you "made up an excuse and told him I couldn't give him rides."
You're not doing him or yourself a favor here. Having said all that, I'll vote NTA because the kid is old enough to have consequences for his selfish behavior. I just wish you'd been a good enough friend to be honest with him.
PikesPique wrote:
INFO: Before you gave "John" the ultimatum, had you told him no more eating in the car?
OP responded:
Not exactly. I told him something along the lines of, “hey man, I don’t mind you eating as long as you clean up after yourself.”