'AITA for disagreeing with my wife’s idea that she'll 'never learn how to cook?'

"AITA for disagreeing with my wife’s idea of her never learning how to cook?"

My wife (24) and I (26 yr old female) are struggling in our marriage as she believes she does not need to help cook or prepare food or even help clean up after, besides dishes. She was raised in a family with no chores and they had a maid come clean the house. She has never learned to cook and can not boil water despite me walking her through it, she just loses patience.

I love my wife and have taken time out of our evenings to show her how to cook and measure spices, for example. She lasts about 2 minutes before either walking away or throwing a tantrum that she doesn’t want to learn and I should be the only who in this house who has to know how to cook. The other night, I got home from work and was exhausted since it has been a busy week in healthcare.

She complained she has not spent enough time with me these past few days, so I offered to have her cook with me so she can learn while also spending time together. I thought it would be cute to make a recipe together that we never ate before. She threw a fit and said she just wanted to just TV but eventually agreed to sit in the kitchen with me.

About 10 minutes in, I asked her to wash a grill rack since she usually does the dishes when I cook.

Surprise, she threw a tantrum. Eventually she did it because she was hungry and I was busy cooking 3 different parts of the dinner. A few minutes later I had to go outside to and grill some chicken and I asked if she could start putting some spices away so I would have less clean up. I think you know what happened next…

She eventually stopped yelling and complaining and put some stuff away. I gave her her plate of food first to enjoy since I still had some cleaning up to do. I talked to some friends about it and they said if it was their significant other who never cooked they would eventually said they had to prepare their own meals if they would not help.

I have mentioned in the past she should learn to cook on her own for numerous reasons but one being that she is a very picky eater so anything I do cook, I have to prepare differently and separately.

I am also the one who does the “handyman” duties as well as take care of all the bills and yardwork. I do have to give credit where credit is due and mention that she does the dishes and puts the laundry away. AITA for wanting her to learn how to cook and/or at least help in preparing the kitchen?

The internet had plenty to say in response.

Peony-Pony wrote:

NTA You can't make your wife grow up and act like an adult but you can stop coddling her because she throws tantrums. Buy her a beginners cook, like Betty Crocker, and let her figure it out. She's used to people wiping her backside and she needs to figure out some basic life skills. What used to be cute and quirky in a relationship gets old, fast.

OP responded:

Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it! I have tried to let her figure things out and give her directions for easy things like even just microwave meals…however…last time she did something on her own, I was napping and and rushed in the room and said the microwave and kitchen smelled of smoke and burnt metal.

Come to find out she put frozen vegetables in a metal stove pot in the microwave. We are so lucky to have house. Unfortunately, she is a danger in the kitchen if I am not paying attention. I want to help her but I am so tired.

ExistenceRaisin wrote:

NTA. She is literally treating you like a maid. You do all the work while she expects to sit and watch TV, and she throws a tantrum when she’s asked to lift a finger. You’re not her wife, you’re her nanny.

IllogicalElephant786 wrote:

INFO

How did you make it as far as marriage before discovering this about her? Or at least identifying this behaviour as a problem?

Apart from doing dishes and "helping" with laundry, how does she contribute to the household? As you describe it, it seems that home/family responsibilities are not being equally distributed.

Girl_With_No_Swag wrote:

NTA. I’m not even touching the cooking part, because that’s on a whole different planet than the real issue you are having.

You are married to a grown ass adult who throws tantrums? That is fucking ridiculous.

Get in counseling immediately. If she doesn’t stop with that verbal and emotional ab-se in the immediate future so you guys can actually start working on life skill expectations, then you need to cut your losses and move on.

tw_fe48 wrote:

NTA. This is silly. How can she not even make something super easy like boiling pasta and mixing in sauce or probably 1 of millions of one pan recipes online? Even worse is that she wont even TRY and her not helping clean up without whining makes it look like shes not mature enough to be married.

Anxious_Reporter_601 wrote:

F that. NTA She's a grown woman, if she wants dinner she can cook her own dinner.

Omg she does the dishes and puts away the laundry?? Give the woman a medal!

That is bare minimum housework OP! I'm disabled by a chronic illness and I manage to do more than that and I cook! She's just lazy beyond reason. What would she do if she was living alone? Just starve?? This can't be the only aspect of your life that her attitude affects?