'AITA for ditching a wedding that I was MOH in because the bride set me up with the best man?'

"AITA for ditching a wedding that I (F20) was the maid of honor in because the bride (F22) tried to set me up with the best man (M28)?"

I was supposed to be the maid of honor at a wedding a few weeks ago. I ended up just leaving and going home to my boyfriend of 6 years after the bride and groom tried to set me up with the best man. When my friend got engaged last year I was excited for her and even more excited when she asked me to be the maid of honor.

As invites went out though she asked me to not bring my boyfriend to the wedding. I was really upset about that but my boyfriend talked me down telling me that weddings were expensive and they were probably trying to keep the guest list down and they didn't really know him so it would be fine for me to go without him.

That made sense to me so I didn't say or do anything after that and just continued with helping as I could as the maid of honor. Nothing else really concerning happened again until a couple of days before the wedding. The bride asked me to give the best man a ride to and from the wedding which was about a 4 hours drive.

I thought it was just part of it as he was a veteran and had his own issues surrounding that. So I gave him a ride up to the air bnb that we were staying at before the wedding. The whole time he tried to make conversation that was just weird to me and I was just not into it and just trying to my best to be nice to him. At the airbnb with everyone I immediately noticed things were off.

All of the other bridesmaids had their boyfriends there and things were really awkward when I found out I was in a room with the best man. The next day before the rehearsal dinner the bride and groom cornered me in a room to say that the best man was an incredible guy and that I was blowing him off without really giving him a chance.

I told him well of course not I have a serious long term boyfriend which yall specifically told me not to bring. Then the bride cut in and told me we'll that really isn't that serious since he hasn't proposed in so long. I argued back that was because we were both still in school. We continued arguing for a little while before I finally just said forget I'm going home.

I got called all sorts of awful names going out of the room and packed up and left. I got a lot of calls on the way home which I ignored until my boyfriend called. Apparently the bride called him and told him I just left for no reason and he called to check in on me. I told him everything that had happened and he was kind of dumbstruck by it all.

Anyways after the wedding I've had the bride, the groom and a lot of their friends call or message me telling how horrible of a person I was for just leaving the night before the wedding for no reason. None of which were receptive to my side of things and it's starting to worry me that maybe I overreacted by just leaving like that. Anyway AITA?

TL;DR: I left a wedding because the couple to be were mad I wasn't giving ing the best man a chance even though I've been with someone else since I was 14.

Edit: I started dating my bf in high-school, he's two years older than me my friends don't really know my bf since he doesn't go to the same school as us and when we do see each other it's usually half way between our schools.

Commenter had a lot to say in response.

Fianna9 wrote:

NTA- this is so bizarre and I feel bad for the poor best man who probably has no idea Op has a boyfriend. But even if she was single and it was a legitimate set up- I find is so creepy that OP was expected to share a room with a man she doesn’t know- and she wasn’t even told about it first.

There is also a pretty decent age gap to set a 20 year old up with a 28 year old with out even telling her it’s a set up. And it’s hardly shocking that the BF hasn’t proposed- 6 years is a long time to be dating, except they would have started going out as kids. They are still young and starting their lives together, marriage could be years off.

youmustb3jkn wrote:

NTA. To be honest that bride sounds like she was setting you up to cheat on your bf or be SAed in your room at most. It’s freaking unbelievable and she lost all loyalty from you when she actively tried to f up your life. Knowing she was wrong she tried to tell everyone that you just left for no reason (tactic of all guilty people to control the crowd and pressure you to apologize).

Please tell me your boyfriend does support you in this decision
Don’t worry about what these jerk friends are saying to you because 1- they are jerks and 2- who wants friends that do this or think what they did was ok.

OP responded:

My boyfriend has told me that I didn't do anything wrong and he's glad I made the decision I did. It's just all the other people who don't know what happened contacting me that are making me feel like I messed up.

DinaFelice wrote:

"No reason? I'm sorry to say, whoever you heard that from lied to you. The reason I left is that the bride attempted to force me to share a room with a man other than my boyfriend, repeatedly insulted me and my relationship, and made me feel generally unsafe and disrespected."

"I was so devastated...I thought she asked me to be her MOH because she thought of me as a close friend, but now it seems like she only did it to attempt to force me into a sexual relationship with a practical stranger."

NTA. The bride literally doesn't care about your feelings, so you weren't really her MOH, just a prop she was using to further some other goal.

Without knowing more about the situation, I can't be sure whether it was because she was prioritizing the best man over you or whether it's because she genuinely believes your boyfriend is bad for you (and therefore was just trying to replace him with anyone else), but either way, that is a completely unacceptable way to treat another person.

Her behavior would have been appalling if you had been a stranger, the AH-ish-ness is off the charts since she was supposedly your friend And anyone who can't see that either doesn't know the whole story or else is proving themselves to be an AH as well.

White_Booty wrote:

NTA. Let me get this straight: You’re expected to magically turn your 6-year relationship status to "single" to entertain a setup with the best man while acting as maid of honor?

That’s some next-level wedding plot twist that even Hollywood would shy away from. Leaving was your best move—besides, any movie where the main character stays in that situation is definitely a horror flick. Stick to your script; you’re doing just fine!

Moonlight_fairy23 wrote:

NTA. They told you not to bring your boyfriend and then set you up with the best man? That’s some next-level matchmaking shenanigans. You did the right thing by leaving when they crossed that line.

It’s one thing to have preferences about guests at a wedding, but it’s another to completely disrespect your relationship and try to push you into something else. The whole "your relationship isn’t serious because you’re not engaged" line is wild too. You stood your ground, and honestly, good for you!