'AITA if I don’t invite my stepmother, who had an affair with my father, to my wedding?'
"AITA if I don’t invite my stepmother, who had an affair with my father, to my wedding?"
Alright guys here WE GO. The background: she is technically no longer married to my father, they got legally divorced for financial reasons (my dad basically doesn’t want her taking his money) but still live together and don’t tell anyone they are divorced. I HATE her and I don’t say that lightly. The story goes, I met her daughter in 7th grade and we became close friends so her mom and my mom became friends.
In 8th grade, I realized her daughter was a terrible girl and our friendship ended because she got a “new best friend” in 8th grade and would purposely exclude me from activities, sit with her back towards me at the lunch table to talk to her new best friend, etc. Unfortunately, her mom and my mom remained friends. THEN, freshmen year of high school: my mom and I find out she is having an affair with my dad.
So my ex stepmother, was friends with my mom and also has a daughter who bullied me, and had an affair with my dad and got married to him when I was 19 years old. (After my dad tried getting back with my mom twice but cheated on my mom again with my stepmother so my mom finally had him leave)
Since their marriage, she has seen my mom once at the grocery store and called my mom a “b**ch”. Something I will never forget to go along with everything else she already did.
She’s said rude things about me behind my back, that my dad told me about like “getting a degree in social work is easy” even though she’s never been to college but that was in my early 20s.
I am 31 now. She also just always looks at me with this “stank” look on her face almost all the time. I know she probably secretly hates me because I’m my mother’s child and she’s jealous of course.
I have to deal with her whenever I see my dad and we just keep it civil. I haven’t honestly had issues with her in a long time. Her presence just annoys me. She apologized once about having the affair when she was crying to me that my father gets abusive, but I already know and don’t feel sorry for her.
She is such a selfish person and only cares about how she looks to others - fancy clothes, cars, etc. I have issues with my dad at times.. but he’s my dad. But he can be narcissistic and has undiagnosed mental health problems. My dad has told me numerous times they do not love each other and are only together for financial reasons.
Do I invite her to “keep the peace” and keep my dad happy? Or risk my dad possibly not showing up to my wedding because I don’t invite her? I already mentioned to my dad I didn’t want to invite her and he was not happy about it.
I think about how I was too complacent sometimes when I was a kid, even attending their wedding as a bridesmaid.. how messed up is that? So AITA if I don’t invite my ex stepmother, who was friends with my mom and had an affair with my dad, to my wedding?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Your wedding should be a celebration of the people you want to have there, and if you don't want this woman there, she shouldn't get invited. If that means you dad does not attend... well, that kind of proves the lies about being together for financial reasons if nothing else.
Do not invite her to keep the peace. The peace you need to focus on is yours (obviously) and your mother's (who I assume is closer than your father is). Your father's peace comes after that... and is his own responsibility based on his past.
Unimpressedshibe (OP)
Thank you? that’s very good advice. I also don’t want my mom upset on my wedding day because my stepmom is there, even though it’s been so long, I know she doesn’t like that she would have to see her. And I’m definitely closer to my mom, you’re right. If he doesn’t show up.. I think it just shows me who my dad really is. And that’s on him.
NTA. Your wedding. Chances are your dad will bring her anyway though. So be prepared for that.
Unimpressedshibe (OP)
That’s true.. I didn’t think of that. I guess I can tell him if he decides to do that against my wishes, that he shouldn’t come, I’ll probably have my uncle walk me down the aisle...
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. You get to invite who you want and you also have very good reasons not to want her there. If your dad says well I’m not coming if she doesn’t come, I’d be saying ‘ok then don’t come that’s your choice’.
NTA. He spend years neglecting your happiness why sacrifice your most important day and tainted it with the presence of the people who never care for it the first place? Believe that they want to attend just for appearance sake. You know, as a their lifelong mission to justify their affair. Never become their tool for it.
Unimpressedshibe (OP)
Thank you, that’s a good point. They are honestly both selfish people and my mom never was, so they make sense together...
NTA. If you invited her, you wouldn’t be “keeping the peace.” You’d be trading your peace for your dad’s. This is your wedding. Your peace is the one that matters. If he skips your wedding because a woman who no longer has a relation to you and who you actively dislike doesn’t get invited to a wedding where nobody but him wants her there, he’s a bad father and that’s not your problem.
Forget keeping him happy. You did that enough when you were a child and that should never have been your burden to carry. Invite the people YOU want to your wedding, and nobody else.