'AITA if I don't tell my new GF I slept with her sister before we met?' MAJOR UPDATE

"WIBTAH if I don't tell my new GF I slept with her sister before we met?"

So I have a new gf, been together 6 months. She recently went on vacation with her family, and when she got back, she showed some pics they took. And I recognized her sister. See, her sister and I used to be fwb back in college.

It was nothing serious, and it didn't even last too long, like less than 3 months. This happened about 2 years ago. I didn't know this was her sister because I never knew what her sister's last name was.

Now, here's the part where I'm feeling a bit conflicted...see, she has a male friend, who's made me a bit uncomfortable with how close he is to my GF. And he's a bit of a f-boy. I tried to talk to my GF about it and ask if she ever fooled around with him. It wasn't a deal breaker, but i still wanted to know.

She said, "The past is the past, I'm not gonna tell you what I did before, and I don't want to know what you did before me." I'm feeling a bit conflicted because of this, I feel like I should tell her, cuz I'm sure the sister would tell her either way, but this may be the petty part of me talking, she said she doesn't want to know, and the past is the past, right?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

bbybear712 wrote:

NAH but your gonna be damned if you do damned if you don't. She specifically said she didn't wanna know so I wouldn't tell her. When she finds out and gets upset, explain she specifically said she didn't want to know.

Explain how you had no idea she was her sister until MONTHS after she told you she did not want to know about your past since she didn't want to share hers. But you need to get over her being close with that guy. If you can't and it's a deal breaker just tell her now and break up with her.

panachi19 wrote:

“I know that you said you don’t want to know, but hypothetically, if I had hooked up with your sister in the past would you still not want to know?”

If she wants the deets then demand she answers your questions before you give them to her.

OP responded:

Maybe, but I think my gf would demand an answer as to why I'm asking this.

nylonvest wrote:

Yeah this relationship is going to go GREAT.

ESH.

celestialraindrops wrote:

I'm on the fence here. I feel like she said "the past is the past" because she doesn't want to own up to something in her own past with the other guy maybe so best to not ask about yours. In that regard, I would say just don't tell her.

However, as a woman myself with a sister, I wouldn't want to be with someone who's slept with my sister. It's icky to me. So, I'd want to know so I could leave. But if this gets serious then there's a chance you'll meet her family and the sister again and it might get brought up anyway. The sister might tell her before you and that would just open a whole can of worms. Best bet is to tell her.

Charming-Vacation26 wrote:

What she said:"The past is the past, I'm not gonna tell you what I did before, and I don't want to know what you did before me,"

What she means: If she finds out you slept with her sister, and you didn't tell her, she will go ballistic.

Two options: 1. Don't tell her and she dumps you for not telling her. 2. Tell her and have a 50/50 chance she breaks up with you anyway.

Alternative: Is it too late to get back with the sister?

Good luck, you're going to need it.

Two days later, OP shared an update.

Things did not go well when I tried to tell her. I asked her if she remembered what she told me about past experiences, and she got mad at me.

She said, "I already told you, the past doesn't matter."

I tried to tell her that this was really important, and she said told me that she promised herself she wasn't gonna be with someone who's insecure about who's she's slept with, or her body count.

She told me that I needed to grow up.

I just blurted out, "I slept with your sister."

After some silence, I explained everything and how this was before we met. She took it... It's not that good. We had a long talk about how comfortable she would feel, what would happen when I met her family, what if her parents found out, what if the rest of her family did.

Could she really handle being at the altar with me in front of her and her sister next to her, knowing me and her slept together. She told me she just felt gross now. She told me that she didn't know if she could shake this feeling off, so we decided to break up. Idk, this was just a mess.

The internet kept it real in response.

Illuminate90 wrote:

Sorry man, glad you owned up to it even if this wasn’t your plan all along. I hope she rethinks her ‘past don’t matter’ stance for herself cause they do. Anyway bro good on you and hope you find someone else when the time is right.

Fluid_Ninja_6854 wrote:

Good for you for having this conversation with her. I doubt you would have been comfortable with carrying this knowledge alone.

Decision made for you! Wishing you the best going forward.

shyfidelity wrote:

Sorry mate. That’s the kind of feeling you can only really confront in the moment. Saying “intimate history doesn’t matter” and meaning it doesn’t mean something paradigm-shifting won’t change your mind later. There are loads more women out there whose sisters you haven’t slept with.

AuntieMeridium wrote:

The truth set you both free.

You couldn't deal with the secret, and she couldn't deal with hearing it.

Done deal. Time to move on.