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'AITA for dumping my GF after she expected me to pay for EVERYONE on her birthday?'

'AITA for dumping my GF after she expected me to pay for EVERYONE on her birthday?'


"AITA for dumping my GF after she expected me to pay for EVERYONE on her birthday?"

I 24M and my GF 24F, have been dating for four years. On my girlfriend's 24th birthday two weeks ago, I booked a table at a pretty nice restaurant for me, her, and four of her friends. I want to clarify beforehand that I earn quite a bit more than my girlfriend. I cover all the rent and utilities for our apartment, while she covers household expenses like groceries and such. While at the restaurant, I noticed how she and all her friends ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu. At the time, I thought I would only be covering mine and my girlfriend's bill, so I wasn't really concerned.

When the bill arrived and the waiter asked if I would like to split the bill, I said yes. I told the waiter that what my girlfriend and I ordered would be on me, and the rest should be decided between her friends. The bill totaled around 1100 Euros. I remember the smiles being wiped off their faces as soon as I said that. I ended up paying for my girlfriend's and my food, while her friends paid for theirs. I remember the car ride home being awfully silent. I kept asking my girlfriend if something was wrong, but she kept insisting that she was just tired. And no she wasnt just "tired."

My girlfriend ended up giving me the silent treatment for the next week. I would keep asking her if something was wrong, but she would always refuse to say what the issue was. The thought of me not paying, being the culprit, kept creeping into my mind, but I would always reassure myself by telling myself that my girlfriend wouldn't be dumb enough to expect me to pay for everyone's food.

I just lost it last Monday and demanded an answer from her. She ended up telling me that I embarrassed her in front of her friends by not paying for everyone. I asked her why it was my responsibility to pay. She told me that since I organized everything and I was "THE MAN," I was obliged to pay for everyone. We ended up getting into a heated argument, and I ended up staying at my parents' house for the next couple of days to gather my thoughts. I came home last Friday, and her attitude towards me didn't change one bit.

When I confronted her again, she told me to transfer the money her friends paid for the food, and only then would she talk to me. We got into another heated argument, and I broke up with her then and there, telling her to pack her things. While leaving, she called me a "broke boy" and wished me good luck finding another girlfriend with my "brokey mentality." I almost immediately regretted dumping her on the spot for something that in the grand scheme of things, is really small. She sent me an apology yesterday for calling me those names, but she insisted on me paying back her friends if I wanted to make our relationship work.

I have been a mess since. I don't want to throw away four years with someone I considered to be the future mother of my kids. I could have given her friends a heads up that I wouldn't be covering for them, and I know that's completely my fault.

But her behavior over the past two weeks has also been quite concerning to me. But again, I love her too much for this situation to be the end of our relationship. I just want to swallow my pride and send her friends the money and forget about everything. Am I the AITA here? Did I overreact? Should I apologize/send her friends the money?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

aeroeagleAC said:

She gave you the silent treatment for a week rather than being an adult enough to have a conversation? Leave her in the dumped status if that is how she handles problems. NTA.

StrangelyRational said:

NTA and this is not a “really small” thing. This is not about dinner or some money. It is about what this incident says about her character, and that is 100% relevant to your future. Let’s go down the list of things that are wrong with her, shall we?

She believes she - and her friends - are entitled to your resources purely because you’re male. She thinks it’s okay to use the silent treatment instead of communicating about problems clearly and openly. She refuses to talk unless you pay up. She calls you names. She doesn’t care enough about being with you to give one inch on her position. It’s her way or the highway.

In short, she is selfish, entitled, and immature. You do NOT want a woman like that as your wife or mother of your children. There are better women out there. If you give in to her now, then she’ll know exactly how to manipulate you whenever she wants to. Don’t reward this behavior, please.

glittertailconfetti said:

Absolutely NTA. Forget the money! Her willingness to reconcile only if you pay her friends screams manipulation. You deserve a partner who respects you, not someone who tries to control you with finances. Stay strong and don't send a dime! If you do, It will set a bad precedent and will just reward bad behavior.

litt3lli0n said

DO NOT under any circumstances apologize OR give her friends money. You were under no obligation to pay for HER friends. Who assumes that just because you organized a dinner that that means you automatically pay. Maybe this is a cultural difference, I don't know, but I've organized and also been invited to plenty of parties throw for or on behalf of a friend and unless otherwise told "this event will be covered" I ALWAYS pay for myself. What your ex and her friends are is entitled. If you "swallow your pride" this will be the first in a very long line of things you will now be expected to foot the bill for. NTA.

Antique-Fee-8940 said:

NTA. Keep your money, keep your sanity, and find a new girlfriend whose character is a better fit for yours.

sofluffyfluffy said:

Take the “who paid for dinner” argument out of this equation. You are in a disagreement with your girlfriend. It’s the “how she fights” in an argument that is the biggest issue (although the entitlement and disregard of your financial autonomy are also problematic). She could have had a calm, mature conversation about her feelings and views. She could have said “Next time, we should discuss payment beforehand when you invite my friends."

Instead, she played dirty. She gave you the silent treatment. Then belittled you and call you names. Then gave you ultimatums. All of this reflects on her lack of maturity and lack of respect for you. I wish you luck. I would personally end the relationship. How a partner handles a disagreement speaks volumes about the future of your relationship. NTA.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for these exes?

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