'WIBTA for wearing an engagement ring against my boyfriend's wishes?' UPDATED

"WIBTA for wearing an engagement ring against my boyfriend's wishes?"

Yeah, pretty exhausting title, couldn't think of a more concise way of summarizing my situation. Me and my boyfriend have been in a committed relationship for about two years now. For the last 9 months, however, he's been pretty much on the other side of the country for work. It's been tough, but we are most definitely still incredibly dedicated to one another.

Meanwhile, I've been working at this place for about 7 months, and almost from the start, this guy named Derek has been harassing me. It started out with innocent comments, and eventually progressed to what I can only describe as borderline verbal s%$#%al harassment.

Throughout all this, I have stated repeatedly that I have a boyfriend, I'm not interested, etc., but the guy literally cannot take a hint. He usually replies with crap like "I don't see no ring on your finger," or "When's the last time I've seen you at a party not alone?" (Our workplace holds these cookout esque parties that most coworkers like to bring their SO's or children to.)

I've brought the situation to HR about three times now. He just gets a warning, and then goes back to harassing me in a few days. I've even requested to be moved to another floor, which has been denied. At this point, the lady working the desk has literally just told me to "ignore it".

So, this weekend while venting to my sister, she suggested that I just wear an engagement ring to work from now on, to show that I'm absolutely, 100% taken. I don't know if this would work, but it's worth a shot to me: my sister owns an Etsy jewelry store and can easily lend me one of her rings.

However, when I broached this idea to my boyfriend, he was completely against it, saying that it was disrespectful to him when we aren't actually engaged. WIBTA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA. If his feelings are more hurt by you wearing a mock ring than about you getting verbally manhandled in what should be a safe environment that’s entirely on him.

[deleted] said:

NTA. The harassment won't stop, though. It's past time you took this issue up to someone higher up than HR. You should also consider contacting your area's Department of Labor, or perhaps an attorney. If this Derek has been this persistent & is still employed, there's a huge problem in your workplace.

mrmarvel86 said:

NTA and also u can probably sue your work place. Sounds like they are allowing a hostile work environment

spite2007 said:

NTA but I think you need to pursue the harassment issue beyond “the front desk lady.” Find a way to file a complaint more formally to someone higher up, or even to a governing body. This is the kind of thing companies get sued for.

rebkos said:

NTA - This is an everyone sucks *except* OP situation... Your co-worker is an asshole, HR is full of assholes, and let's be very clear: your boyfriend is an asshole. You are getting constantly harassed at work and he's worried that *he's* being disrespected!? F that noise.

Not_Cleaver said:

NTA - I don’t necessarily think your boyfriend is either. But have you asked him what he thinks the solution is? Because yours may be effective. Though I bet this guy will continue to harass you. Keep reporting it to HR and document their inaction.

Binky390 said:

NTA and your boyfriend's reaction makes no sense. Why did he care and what does he suggest you do? Go to r/legaladvice and explain the situation. You've reported it to HR and they've done nothing. Time to threaten legal action maybe.

OP added this in response to a comment:

Me and my boyfriend (as a result of our long distance relationship) pretty much call every night and talk about everything and anything. The topic of venting to my sister and her idea came up, and when I told him, he immediately said “no”.

When I asked him why, he told me that he felt it was disrespectful to him because we weren’t actually engaged, and would only garner confusion and questions from other people. I honestly got pretty upset after that and ended the call, wrote the post, and went to sleep.

My boyfriend is literally always busy except for hours outside my working times (early morning/late night) so the call idea wouldn’t work. I even kept a picture of us on my desk, but Derek just kept making comments regardless. I do apologize for any concern or confusion caused by my part though. I honestly did type this out in a vent of frustration.

OP later shared this update:

Edit/Update: The situation has mostly been resolved for the most part. I apologize for not replying to any comments; since this was a throwaway account I just looked at the first twenty or so replies and stopped after. To the people saying my boyfriend seems like a bad boyfriend: I apologize for not being more clear. I typed this all out after our call when he refused to give me permission to wear the ring.

My boyfriend does care about my wellbeing, and from what I can tell completely hates Derek’s guts, but he doesn’t think that the ring would be appropriate considering the attention it would garner should people start asking questions, which is what he meant when he said it would be “disrespectful”.

To the people saying that this isn’t a viable solution and that I should report to either a higher up or get a lawyer: you’re absolutely right.

I previously did not want to seek further action because I felt frustrated and spent with my HR, but after reading through all the responses I realize now that Derek is honestly much, much worse than “just a creep”, and that I should be reporting my HR’s incompetence regardless. Thank you for all the replies; I haven’t read through them all but I do appreciate every bit of input.