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'AITA for telling my pregnant ex-wife's new partner she has no say in naming our baby?' UPDATED 2X

'AITA for telling my pregnant ex-wife's new partner she has no say in naming our baby?' UPDATED 2X

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"AITA For telling my ex-wife's new partner that she is not the parent of our unborn child and has no say in what his name will be?"

My Ex-Wife(F28) and I(M28) split up a few months ago due to her coming out as a lesbian. The split was quite amicable and we have remained quite good friends. While she did cheat on me during the relationship I understand that it was due to her sexuality,

she came from a very conservative Christian household who have cut her off now that she has come out, marrying me was a way of placating her family I suppose. The issue now arising is the fact that she's pregnant with our child. During our marriage we agreed that if we had a son we would name him after both of our Grandfathers as they both were very important people in our lives,

Samuel Jacob (lastname), an issue has been raised by her new partner(F27) over the name. Now I will fully admit that her new partner and I have never really got along, she was a friend of a friend before she got together with my Ex and we just never saw eye to eye, but we both have tried to be cordial for the sake of my Ex.

While we recently were discussing the name of our child the partner out right refused to accept that we were going to name the child Samuel, she had an ex named Samantha who was abusive towards her and said that she could not stand to have her child share the name with her ex.

Now I fully understand that this woman will inevitably be apart of my sons life, but I explained to her the meaning behind why we were naming him Samuel and how important it was to me. My Ex also backed me up saying how this was decided long before she was in the picture and while she was sorry that the name offended her she would leave the decision to me.

Her Partner proceeded to get very angry again insisting that HER child would not have that name. This sent me over the edge, I asked her if I got her pregnant, she of course said no, I asked if she somehow magically got my Ex pregnant, again she said no, I then told her that since she was not the parent of this child and that my Ex and I will give our child the name we want regardless of her opinion.

The Partner proceeded to go ballistic at me calling me homophobic for not giving her any input and forcing her into this situation and stormed out of the room. My Ex was also not happy with me but still agreed that I will have the final say in the naming of our child.

This was a few days ago and I haven't spoken to either of them since. I've asked around a few of my friends and have gotten a mixed response when I asked if I was wrong.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

Ross?

said:

NTA Firstly she hasn’t really been in a relationship with your ex that long to be asserting herself in these discussions. This isn’t her child and at the most she will be an additional secondary parent but not a primary. She needs to understand her place in this and your ex wife needs to wheel her in.

said:

NTA. Her new girlfriend really has nothing to say in this matter. And glad to read that your ex-wife isn't trying to change the name

said:

Nta. She's attempting a power play to assert dominance over your ex and to push you out of your unborn son's life. I expect that yelling and storming out are her go to tactics when she's not going to get her way. That's a relationship with a future lol.

said:

NTA. "forcing her into this situation." Pretty rich of the affair partner to be throwing this gem out there.

Most commenters agree: NTA.

OP later shared this update:

I just want to thank everyone sincerely for their input on my situation your kind words mean a lot to me right now. I've noticed a few questions about the situation that ill answer now.

1.) Yes My Ex's Partner was the one my ex cheated on me with. As I said in the post the partner was a friend of a friend situation at first but my Ex and I share a lot of the same friends (we met in university and hung out with the same people) My Ex started getting closer to her and would hang out with her more often, I suspected nothing in fact I was happy she was making more close friends.

2.) The reason I'm mostly ok with the cheating was the way I found out. My Ex told me the day after they first slept together and explained her whole situation, she was in tears the whole time, I sincerely believe that was their first intimate moment and she told me right away.

Of course I was devastated but I could sympathise with her situation, I couldn't imagine feeling stuck in marriage like that. She was my best friend and as bad as it is to say I do still love her I just want her to be happy even if its with the person who destroyed our marriage.

3.) About changing or flipping around the name, the partner made it clear that she didn't want the name Samuel anywhere in the child's name. She refused to compromise on this.

4.) About the homophobic remark she made, I questioned her at the time on how I was being homophobic, her response was that by not budging on this situation I was implying that her feelings and input were less important than my Ex's and that I was reducing her role as a parent due to her sexuality. I thought it was bs at the time but maybe this will change some peoples minds?

5.) About seeking legal advice, ill be doing that this week. I really don't want to do this my ex and I have had a superb relationship since the breakup and I'd hate to sour it by getting lawyers involved, but feel it may be necessary if her partner is acting like this even before the baby is born.

6.) My Ex left me before she knew she was pregnant, she told me over lunch a few weeks later and we were both excited. She always wanted children and so did I, we were happy to co-parent and all was smooth until this argument with her partner.

After meeting up with his ex, he shared this second update:

I was able to meet up with my Ex today to discuss the situation and overall it was positive and productive. We met for lunch where the first thing she did was apologise for her partners behaviour, she agreed that she had no right to make demands like that.

She also told me that her position on the topic of the name hasn't changed, she will honour the agreement we made and will stand by the decision to name our son Samuel Jacob. Over the course of our meeting she did try to make excuses for her partners behaviour though which concerned me a bit.

She tried to explain how her partner always wanted a son and thought that this could be her chance to be a mom and was upset that the both of us were shutting her out of her dream. I then reiterated that this was not her biological child and that she would be in the child's life but in a step-parent capacity. I told my Ex that I would be in my son's life, I wont be an absent parent.

My Ex then got defensive, saying that her partner wasn't trying to butt me out of my sons life rather she just wanted a bigger part in it. I agreed that she could have a part in my sons life, I had no problem with that, but naming should be left to us, I'm happy enough to hear her opinions on schools and sports, but naming should be left to the biological parents.

My Ex again agreed with this, but asked me to be a bit more understanding of her situation. While at lunch I also mentioned I would be seeking legal counsel, she was fine with this.

Overall I'm happy with the meeting she seems to be sticking with me on this, though I am concerned with the partners behaviour acting like I was getting in the way of her dream, after reading some of the comments I'm getting a bit paranoid that maybe she does just see me as a sperm donor rather than a father.

Sources: Reddit
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