'AITA for exposing my aunt's affair with my cousin's BF and tearing the family apart?' MAJOR UPDATE
"AITAH for exposing my aunt's affair with my cousin's boyfriend and tearing the family apart?"
I, 19F, am diagnosed with ASPD (don't worry, I am not a danger to myself or anyone else) and I need opinions of people who can feel empathy to know if I was wrong. Yesterday night it was my cousin Bianca, 21F, birthday. We were all invited to her house (she still lives with her parents) and we have a big family.
My family arrived first and a while later my aunt, who is just divorced, Kami 46F, arrived and when she hugged Bianca's boyfriend, Vincent, 21M, I thought they seemed pretty close. After we sang happy birthday and cut the cake, Kami asked me to take pictures with her unlocked phone, as I don't like to be in photos.
As I was taking them, I saw a notification from someone called Vincent and accidentally (more or less) opened it. It said: "I can't wait till the party is over." It was him, I knew his profile picture. Not even 10 minutes later Kami asked Vincent to help her bring her gift to Bianca from the car (it was an electric guitar).
Curious, I followed them into the backyard and, under the little light of the car, saw them kissing. As I had my phone in hand I quickly snapped a picture and went into the house before they could see me. They came back 15 minutes later. As much as I don't care about Bianca I thought she deserved to know the truth. So when it was my turn to give her my gift, I pulled her aside and showed her the picture.
She burst into tears and started screaming, confronting both Kami and Vincent. "How could you do this to me?" There were lots of tears and shouting, Vincent said it was only one kiss, only this time. But then I asked to see his phone, he denied. Kami also denied, calling me a "psychopathic heartless bword".
The party ended soon after and Vincent left with Kami. Now my family is divided in 3 fronts: 1, my grandma, grandpa, uncle and mother think it was not my place to tell. 2, Bianca's father, my other aunt (Bianca's mother), Bianca's brother and Bianca, who think I should've waited till the end of the party to tell and not ruined her 21st birthday.
And 3, my sister, my father and my other cousin, who think I did the right thing. Feels like everyone is mad at me and not the cheaters. So internet, tell me, AITAH?
PS.: Don't mind the mistakes I am not a native speaker.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
JackFruitGlad8015 wrote:
NTA, I feel like the birthday would’ve been ruined either way, it’s sad that they couldn’t even wait for your cousin to have a good birthday to act on their affair.
OP responded:
Right? I was flabbergasted.
External_Expert_2069 wrote:
It’s anyone’s place to tell on a cheater. NTA.
OP responded:
Thank you! I feel validated.
DawnShakhar wrote:
NTA. Sh--ting the messenger is a common reaction, but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Personally I might have waited till the end of the party, but that's not to say what you did wasn't the right thing. And I definitely would have told - keeping silent on this would be cruel to Bianca.
OP responded:
Thank you. I agree.
zotonn wrote:
You’re NTA for exposing them, but after the party/ the day after would’ve been better.
OP responded:
Thank you. I find it hard to take other people's feelings into account since I don't have many of my own. I will apologise to Bianca.
A day later, OP shared an update.
Hi. So as you can see from my profile I am not an active user, so I hope this post finds those who answered my previous post.
My grandparents called for an urgent family meeting this afternoon. Me, my sister, father and mother went as soon as we could.
When we arrived, Bianca was already there. As some of you suggested, I called her into the other room and apologised for airing the dirty laundry in front of everyone. She cried a little and also apologised for being mad at me, thanking me cause if I hadn't taken the picture she wouldn't have believed me, as she's been with Vincent for 5 years.
She hugged me, which was a bit awkward since we haven't hugged in many years. To give you a run down, Vincent left with Kami last night and broke up with Bianca over text. When Kami showed at the family meeting, she was bombarded with questions. Like, when did it start, how did it start. She answered calmly, although it seemed like she cried a lot during the night.
The affair started when Vincent turned 18 (so, 3 years ago), at a previous birthday of Bianca. My mother, who had been on her side before, was disgusted. My grandparents admitted knowing and encouraging the affair, but apologised. Bianca stormed off and said that she would cut everyone who kept in touch with Kami off.
I did not follow her, as we are not close. I forgot to mention in my previous post, but Kami is not just my aunt, she's my godmother, which is a very important title where I live, like a second mother. As she was leaving (the family had decided to cast her out) she asked if she could talk to me.
Curious, I went.
She told me she was sorry and I said I was not the one she should apologise to. I said she was a preying on Vincent but she vehemently denied, saying she never had eyes for him before he was 18. "Yeah, right."
I said. She started crying saying it was a mistake, and she would do anything to have her family back. I said "I was not the one wronged, but I will not forgive you and will cut you off, as your actions tell me a lot about your morale. Do not contact me, ever again." She cried, begged and pleaded, saying I was like a daughter to her.
So I said: "I am a psychopathic heartless bword, after all." And left. She tried calling and messaging, but I blocked her everywhere, as did the rest of my family.
I don't think I will update again, but thanks to everyone who tried to help and gave your input.
The internet continued to share their thoughts on the matter.
wacky_spaz wrote:
NTA. This woman groomed a kid and then started sleeping with him supposedly at 18. It’s sick as suck gets. Add to that she’s doing her nieces boyfriend it’s even more sick. Grandparents are disgusting too. This isn’t an empathy question this is basic morality.
Striking_Win_9410 wrote:
I have to say for someone who has a condition where they don’t feel empathy like that, I’m really proud of you for sticking to your convictions and doing the morally and ethically right thing. I think Kami and your grandparents are gunna burn in h-ll. What disgusting sh--ty f-king people who could do that. And to family no less. Absolute garbage.
OP responded:
Thank you!
I decided to cut my grandparents off too, as well as my sister and Bianca.
HiddenAgenda876 wrote:
Why tf would your grandparents encourage that?? I’d honestly cut them off too. They encouraged her grooming a child and sleeping with him as soon as he was 18. Not just any child, but your cousin’s bf. Gross.
OP responded:
I have no idea why they encouraged it as at the time nobody asked. My guess is: Kami has always been the golden child of theirs, as long as I've lived. She can do no wrong in their eyes.
Once she totaled my mother's car and they convinced my mother to not make her pay. Like at all.
Me, my sister and Bianca will be cutting them off, I am yet to know about the rest of the family.
Puppet07 wrote:
If I were you, I’d go low to no contact with your grandparents since not only they were aware of the affair but also encouraged it.
I’m guessing that Kami’s ex-spouse divorced her due to adultery.
OP responded:
Yes, I think so too. At the time, she refused to tell me why they wwere divorcing.