'AITA for exposing my cheating partner to his whole family instead of breaking up quietly?'
"AITA for exposing my cheating partner to his whole family instead of breaking up quietly?"
I 27F found out that my boyfriend 29M of four years had been cheating on me for months with a coworker. I wasn’t snooping. I just stumbled upon messages on his laptop when I was using it to stream a movie. The texts were explicit, filled with “I can’t wait to see you again” and “She has no idea” kind of messages. My heart sank.
Instead of confronting him immediately, I decided to gather other proof immediately. I screenshotted everything and even found out that some of our mutual friends knew about the affair but never told me. I felt completely humiliated. Rather than just breaking up in private, I decided to let the world know what kind of person he really was.
I sent a message to his family group chat (which included his parents, siblings, and even some extended family) attaching the screenshots and typed this one lol "Just so everyone knows, 29M has been cheating on me for months while pretending to be the perfect boyfriend. I thought you all should see the truth about who he really is. I won’t be part of this lie anymore. Good luck explaining yourself."
Then, I blocked him everywhere. The fallout was instant. His mom called me crying, his sister was furious at him, and apparently, his dad was ashamed. My ex, however, LOST IT. He bombarded me with messages, accusing me of “ruining his life,” “turning his family against him,” and making a private matter into a public execution.
Some close friends think I went too far and should have just left quietly. They say I humiliated him when a simple breakup would’ve sufficed. But I feel like I was the one betrayed, and he didn’t deserve a clean break. AITAH for exposing my cheating ex to his entire family instead of just walking away?
The internet was fully with OP on this.
drownigfishy wrote:
NTA if you play with fire prepare to get burned. And considering he has mutual friends hide this from you, honey that is gas to the fire. He knew what he was facing when he strayed. It falls into the duck around and find out category.
Mtngrl60 wrote:
NTA. If you’re embarrassed at being called out on your poor behavior, then don’t do the poor behavior? It’s really pretty simple. No, it wasn’t a private matter. He made it a public manner when he put his dick in somebody else besides you.
So he can’t pretend that this was just between the two of you. He absolutely brought a third-party into the whole thing. And the friends that think you’re being harsh…f--k them. Not literally of course. Because again…
If you don’t want everyone to know about your shitty behavior, don’t do it.
But he doesn’t get to tell you how you deal with betrayal like this. He wants to act like it wasn’t your business to spread to other people, but he made it your business when he cheated. This is the epitome of FAFO.
Silent_Morning692 wrote:
He was in the FO stage after FA. NTA.
OP responded:
Honestly, I'm wishing that karma hits him so bad that he won't be able to recover.
Nervous-Tea-7074 wrote:
NTA - those ‘friends’ also knew about the affair or knew of other ones. If a break up was sufficient, why didn’t your ex have the balls to do it? Chances are they are all cut from the same cloth, so I would give their partners a heads up.
If anyone asks how you know this, just say your ex confirmed it because he wanted to take the heat off himself (cheated always blame others). Also make sure you report this to his workplace.
GaspingGuppy wrote:
I sent the photos of my ex cheating while I was in surgery in another country, to his mom. Everyone tells me I'm an asshole for it because she's Chinese. Exactly why I sent them to her, I'm Asian too and I know a tiger mom when I see one.
FAFO in my opinion. I am clapping for you. It takes so much strength to show people who someone REALLY is, knowing that they may hate you for it. I'm 10000% on your side. I hope you heal. 🖤
Status-Pattern7539 wrote:
NTA/ If you really want to be petty send their work a cake with delivery instructions “for the employees”. Send it around lunch. Some employee is going to either receive it and open it to check it out or it gets opened at lunch and everyone does. Either way, news will spread. Have the cake say “Ex and Co worker are having an affair. Best to sanitise your desks.”
starmoishe wrote:
NTAH. He wanted to control the narrative and probably had already started to put you down to others. If you had quietly split with him he could have said all manner of ugly things about you. This way he can’t. For the people who say you went too far, why do you owe him some courtesy? He owed you fidelity too, oh well.
LinksLackofSurprise wrote:
NTA - his parents need to know exactly how they failed. Your friends had no problems with him humiliating you at all. We need more of this. Whenever someone displays such bad behavior, they should be exposed to their loved ones. They don't get to lie to everybody in their lives. 29-years-old and he doesn't know any better is just sad AF.
AllOtheQuestions wrote:
NTA. I think you did just enough. You told the people who love him and are responsible for his moral development. Now they have an understanding of what he’s been doing so they can provide the right accountability and support to ensure he does better in the future. He’s just pissed that he can’t lie his way out of the situation. He’s not humiliated by you but his own behavior.
Mariaperex06 wrote:
NTA. He betrayed your trust, humiliated you, and treated you like you were nothing while he had an affair. His family should know what kind of person he is, especially if they were kept in the dark or enabling his behavior. It's not your responsibility to protect him anymore, and you had every right to expose the truth. He made his choices, and now he has to live with the consequences.