'AITA for exposing my boyfriend’s 'girl best friend' at my birthday dinner?'

"AITAH for exposing my boyfriend’s 'girl best friend' at my birthday dinner?"

So, I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for about a year now. He has this “girl best friend,” Emily (21F), who has been a constant presence in his life. She’s always texting him, calling him, and hanging out with him alone, which I’ve voiced my discomfort about several times.

He insists that they’re just friends, but I’ve always felt a bit off about their closeness, especially since he always makes excuses to hang out with her rather than spend time with me.

A few weeks ago, I overheard a conversation between him and Emily, where he was talking about how “lucky” he was to have her in his life and how she was “the one person who truly understands him.” I don’t know, something about it felt…not just friendly. I didn’t confront him about it right away because I wanted to gather my thoughts.

Fast forward to my birthday dinner with both of our families. We’re all sitting around, having a great time, and I’m already feeling a little off since I knew Emily was going to be there. At some point during dinner, Emily made a comment about how “he’s the best boyfriend ever,” and I, out of nowhere, blurted out, “He sure is, but he’s also the best at lying to me.”

The entire table went silent. I then went on to explain everything I’d overheard, the countless times he prioritized her over me, and how uncomfortable it made me. My boyfriend was stunned, and honestly, so was I.

I didn’t mean to blow up like that, but it felt like the right moment to confront it all. His family was super awkward and didn’t know how to react. His mom started comforting him, saying I shouldn’t have aired that out in front of everyone. Emily started crying, and my boyfriend just kept apologizing, saying it wasn’t what I thought. But honestly, I didn’t believe him anymore.

After dinner, we barely spoke. I’ve been getting texts from him, apologizing and asking for us to talk, but I feel like he’s been gaslighting me the whole time. So now, I’m stuck wondering if I really overreacted or if I was right to call him out in front of everyone. AITAH for exposing his relationship with Emily at my birthday dinner?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

TarzanKitty wrote:

Why was this girl even at your birthday dinner?

LogicalDifference529 wrote:

Not sure why she was even at this dinner, but just block and move on. You’re too young for this s--t.

Cybermagetx wrote:

Just dump him. One of them wants the other at the very least. And that is way too much bulls--t to go through at your or any age.

Adoremenow wrote:

NTA- stop wasting your energy on your boyfriend. He’s shown you he doesn’t respect you. You have told him how uncomfortable you are with this girl. Why was she at your birthday?

Comfortable-Focus123 wrote:

I find his mom's reaction to be a bit strange. Saying you should not have aired that out in front of everyone?

Confident_Nav6767 responded:

Mom probably really likes Emily and wishes bf would dump op and get with her. While Emily is probably the one with feelings and he’s probably denying feelings or just really dumb about picking up the signs.

xSparkleNights wrote:

I completely agree. Your boyfriend clearly isn't respecting your boundaries or your feelings. You've expressed your discomfort multiple times, and he's still making excuses for this girl being in his life in such an intimate way. Honestly, why was she even invited to your birthday if it was bothering you so much? Stop wasting your time on someone who's not giving you the respect you deserve OP. NTA.

Arousing_Beauty wrote:

You're in a tough situation, and your feelings of discomfort around their closeness are completely valid. It sounds like you’ve been trying to express these feelings to your boyfriend, but perhaps he hasn’t addressed them in a way that makes you feel reassured or respected.

Blurting out your frustrations in front of everyone at your birthday dinner probably wasn’t the best approach, mainly because it put both families in an awkward position.

Sometimes, heated emotions can make us act impulsively, and it's understandable given the circumstances. Ideally, having a private conversation with him about your concerns might have allowed both of you to communicate more openly and maybe even get some clarity.

However, calling you out for “airing it out” in front of everyone without acknowledging why you felt compelled to do so also shows a lack of accountability on his part. If he's gaslighting you and brushing off your feelings, that's a red flag and not healthy for the relationship. At this point, it might help to reflect on how you both handle conflict and boundaries in your relationship.

If he's willing to have a sincere conversation and set healthy boundaries with Emily that respect your comfort, then maybe you can work things out. But if he keeps deflecting or minimizing your concerns, it might be worth reconsidering whether this relationship is giving you the respect and security you need.

HyenaShot8896 wrote:

I would normally agree, but it sounds like OP jas already done that more than once, he's brushed her off. I think she popped off like that, in the situation she did is her frustration just boiled up to high, and finally overflowed. I can't say I blame her. It also put him in a position where he couldn't really blow her off yet again, and had to be accountable for his BS.