Woman exposes sister's affair with her fiancé's best man the week before her wedding. AITA? + UPDATE
"AITA for exposing my sister the week before her wedding?"
This has been weighing heavily on me as to whether or not I did the right things regarding my sister and her wedding. I (25F) and my sister (32F) have had a very close relationship throughout our whole lives, we grew up together, have been there for each other always.
My sister got engaged last year and I was happy for her, she had finally found the man of her dreams. She asked me to be the maid of honour and I said yes. Now I was driving to work one day and saw my sister outside a hotel with a guy.
I didn’t think anything of it at the time and continued with my life. I didn’t think of this moment again until we were at a family dinner and I walked in on my sister and fiancé arguing about a friend of hers.
He stormed out and I asked my sister what it was all about. She said that she had met up with a friend for brunch the other day and he was overreacting. I gave her the look.
You know the look that lets them know you know they aren’t being honest. She then admitted she had been seeing another guy behind her fiancés back for the last two years. It was nothing serious and just a bit of fun.
I was furious. Our parents had split up because of my mum cheating on my dad and I never thought she would do that to someone she cared about. I told her she had to tell her fiancé this, otherwise I would tell him. She agreed reluctantly.
That was the end of it for a while, I assumed she had told her fiancé everything. It was only at their rehearsal dinner for their wedding that I realised he knew nothing. The guy I had seen my sister with was the fiancés best man.
Here is where I might be the asshole, I love my sister very much and I thought I was doing the right thing. So after the dinner I told her fiancé what my sister had admitted and he was fuming.
The aftermath was awful, my sister and mum rang me telling me I should have kept that information to myself and not have told him and called me manipulative and a liar. I reminded my sister calmly that she had told me herself and she said we were sisters and I should have kept her secret.
I am really conflicted I thought I did the right thing. My sister now wants me to apologise to her by telling her fiancé I was mistaken. I don’t think I can do this. It’s a week before their wedding and as far as my sister is concerned it’s still going ahead as long as I take back what I said.
It is going down. Fiancés mother has been abusively yelling at me for not telling her son sooner and, in the next breath, saying I should have more loyalty. WTF. (Don’t mind her we have history) But AITA for telling her fiancé about her affair?
Edit: another reason for her wanting me to take it back is that she’s pregnant and hasn’t told anyone apart from me. So if I took it back I’d be saving her future family. We don’t know who the dad is!! (Because everyone keeps asking) ? Since posting this more drama and BS has gone down that I might update with once some time has passed. It’s just messy af.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA & don’t lie to her fiancé just so they can get married.
You can’t “take it back”. You told him already and I say God bless you. Her fiancé was being betrayed by both her and his best friend.
NTA and don’t lie for her… if you do then when he finds out his best man and his now wife have been having an affair for 2 years and you and your mother knew and didn’t say anything… WOW the fallout will be even worse.
Four days later, the OP returned with an update.
So if I didn’t think it could get any messier I was very much mistaken. My sister’s fiancé has a brother and to provide some context, we dated a long time ago and we were going to get married but I backed out. We for have however remained friends and still talk to each other especially when we found out our siblings were going to get married.
I felt this was important for context as after I told my sister’s fiancé about her affair of two years with the best man, the brother ex reached out to me. He sounded quite serious and I jokingly said ‘don’t tell me you’ve slept with my sister too’. There was complete silence. Ffs!!
So one of the reasons I chose not to marry this man was that he admitted to cheating on me. He never said who, I didn’t want to know, he was out the door the second he revealed it to me.
So to find out five years later when we had healed our friendship, that he slept with my sister was heartbreaking. I didn’t know what to say. I asked if he was still having relations with her and he said no. Like I’m gonna believe him but whatever not my circus not my monkey. Or whatever it is.
I asked him if this is all he had to tell me and he said no. Basically it turns out his brother (my sister’s fiancé) had also cheated on her on a weekend away a couple of months ago. Can nobody just stay out of the bedroom! ?
Anyway, I have blocked my ex now as I feel we have nothing more to say to each other. And again I was left with a problem, I knew far more than I wanted too about my sister and her fiancés private lives. So I decided the only logical thing to do was to get them face to face.
I called her fiancé and her to my house and got them in the living room together. I gave them the bullet points:
-She’s cheated on her fiancé for two years.
-He had a secret fling one weekend.
-She has slept with the brother while he was with me.
-And to top it all off she’s pregnant and nobody knows who the dad is.
With this I walked out the room having said my bit, whether they chose to believe me or not, I didn’t care, it didn’t matter. All dirty laundry was hanging out to dry on my end. I was done. I was exhausted.
A couple of days later I got a phone call from my sister. I am banned from the wedding. Surprise, surprise! And they are gonna get married as planned like nothing has happened! WTF! Baby daddy still hasn’t been revealed, but I’m guessing they are looking past this ???
To be honest I dont think even therapy can heal me from this mess. I am getting the blame for trying to ruin the wedding and that I am trying to sabotage her marriage ?. Think she did that a long time ago. Anyways wedding is in four days time. I have really nothing else to say at this point.
My mother has demanded I pay for a damn paternity test seeing as I created this mess. I’m sorry I’m not sure how my sister getting pregnant with god knows who is anything to do with me.
Please be kind I’m an emotional wreak right now. For those saying you should mind your business, if it was you, you would want to know! I do not regret one thing I did! I stayed honest! Should I give her a paternity test for her wedding gift….. or is that too petty? (Yeah too petty).
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s update:
So your sister betrayed you (ex too obviously) and your mother insists you pay for the paternity test? WTH kind of family do you even have? LC with all of them!
The AUDACITYYYYYYYY!!! What is wrong with people nowadays? You did good morally and they are simply too engrossed in the toxicity. Please take a mental health day and rethink your relationships with those drama magnets.
That child will show up online one day asking for advice and is going to be above the internet'a pay grade.