'AITA for 'failing' to take care of my sister's dog while she was in labor?' UPDATED

"AITA for 'failing' to take care of my sister's dog while she was in labor?"

I’m 21F, and my older sister (25F) and I have always been close, but we tend to clash because she’s a perfectionist and gets hostile when things don’t go her way. One night, she called to say she was going into labor and asked me to watch her puppy. I agreed, and she gave me detailed instructions, including putting the dog in a safety harness when taking him outside.

Later, I took the dog out and brought him back in, but I hadn’t fully taken off his harness when he ran toward the living room where my mom was on FaceTime with my sister’s boyfriend. I finished taking the harness off, but minutes later, I got angry texts from my sister accusing me of mistreating her dog because he was still in the harness for a few extra minutes.

Her boyfriend had seen it on the FaceTime call and told her. She then called, yelling that I was lazy and unreliable, and told me and my mom to leave her house immediately. She even said we wouldn’t meet the baby until we earned her trust back.

At 2 AM, we left, and I asked her boyfriend what was going on when he arrived. He just brushed me off, saying, “We’re having a kid, you don’t get an explanation.” I spent the night comforting my mom, who was really upset, thinking she might not see her grandchild. The next day, my sister called to apologize and blamed her reaction on stress and hormones. She invited us over to meet the baby, so we went.

The visit was fine, but afterward, she asked why I seemed quiet. I calmly told her how hurt I was after being kicked out, insulted, and threatened. I explained that the situation left a lasting negative memory for everyone — her boyfriend missed moments at the hospital, my mom was devastated, and now her in-laws probably think we can’t handle helping her. I just wanted her to acknowledge my feelings.

Instead, she got defensive again, saying she stood by everything she said and that I was disgusting for trying to put a dark cloud over her baby’s birth. She then asked me to leave, which I did. We haven’t spoken since, and while I understand she’s under a lot of stress, I’m left wondering if I’m wrong for wanting my feelings to be acknowledged.

The commenters had lots to say in response.

bythebrook88 wrote:

"Her boyfriend had seen it on the FaceTime call and told her."

Why would somebody bother a woman who is giving birth with such trivia? I suspect the boyfriend is trying to isolate her from her family.

NotThisAgain234 wrote:

NTA. Don’t let her institute a norm where she gets to use you as a punching bag and you just pretend it’s okay because reasons. It’s absolutely not okay. I don’t buy that having a kid is a free ticket to be an AH without consequences.

If momentary stress causes an unfortunate outburst there is a remedy for that: A sincere apology and assurance that it won’t happen again. If you don’t get that, I’d keep my distance if I were you. It’s not difficult to predict what you are going to be subjected to if she is allowed to get away with this behavior.

CalifornianJade wrote:

Your sister does not get to blame hormones on this, she’s just acting like a mean and controlling person. She can find someone else to dog sit and potentially baby sit if she cannot apologize.

NTA.

SeaGoatGamerGirl wrote:

Your sister is delusional and I can't help but laugh at this...maybe because of my own experience. I got admitted to the hospital at 30 weeks pregnant. My kidneys were failing, liver failing, blood pressure was 298/199, and my vision was going black. Doc said time to get baby out now! Emergency C section cuz I have spine issues and they didn't trust an epidural.

When I woke up, my mom was on the phone with my husband. He was trying to be discreet but I knew something was up. So he handed me the phone. I had two dogs. One was scheduled to get fixed the same day I had the baby. As my parents were taking her to the vet, my other dog knew something was wrong. She dug out of the backyard.

She had never done this before. She was missed for the first 48 hours my kiddo was alive and I found out about it as soon as I woke from surgery. (She was later turned into the local shelter and we got her back before I even left the hospital). Doc said I was too sick to see my brand new baby on the day of his birth and I only got pictures from everyone that was able to see him in the NICU.

On top of that, I only have one good vein which was used for the IV and they kept having to do some tests that took blood, resulting in poking me many places trying to find a good vein. This was done every two hours. When they came to get blood they also had to cut my finger to get ten drops of blood in a vial for another test. I was literally a pin cushion. I was devastated with everything piled on.

I never once blamed my parents for losing my dog or blamed anyone for anything for that matter. I knew emotions were high and just cried. The lab even messed up. They took my blood then about twenty minutes later they sent another tech saying it was time again. I said already they just took it twenty minutes ago? I let him take it again but just cried.

Apparently he told the doc and doc finally said you're clear to go see baby. I met him 25 hours after birth. Everything was fine. But I never yelled or freaked out on anyone. I guess that's why freaking out about a dog having a harness on for two extra minutes than usual is freaking hilarious to me. I know everyone has different breaking points and reactions but that was a major overreaction.

PlayerOneHasEntered wrote:

So, you all should be prepared for your sister and her boyfriend to pull this card as often as they like. Threatening people with not seeing the baby is pretty much a staple for people like this.

After the post gained traction, OP shared an update.

Wow, thank you all for these quick and thought out responses. I'm really grateful to be getting these insights. Just to answer a question/ point I'm seeing that I would like to address is, why would I bring up what happened so soon after.

My only answer is truly that I was exhausted and frustrated, some further details about that night was that she called us at around 11:00pm and told us that she was in labor and to come over and watch her dog, her house being about an hour and a half away from myself and my moms town. After the events transpired, I had to drive us home at 2:00am and did not get home until 3:30am.

The entirely of that drive was spent with my mom hysterically crying and me trying to stay numb and console her. By the time I got my mom calmed down and to sleep, I finally had a moment to myself to cry and actually feel everything that just happened.

I finally got some shut eye around 5:00am, my sister called the next morning at about 10:00am and my mom insisted we go straight there before she changed her mind. I would definitely say my decision to speak my mind so bluntly and so soon, was influenced by my exhaustion and emotional state. I hope this helps with context! Thank you guys again.

The comments had lots to say in response.

Anabnoramlekg wrote:

You drove 3 hours round trip to walk your sister's dog. then she kicked you and her own mother out at 2AM!! I would never do her a favor again. Honestly and kindly i think you need some therapy. It sounds like your sister is an asshole and you see her actions demands as normal.

ScaryButterscotch474 wrote:

OP you don’t have to defend why you brought it up so soon afterwards. She asked and you responded. If she doesn’t want stupid answers, then she shouldn’t ask stupid questions.

MaleficentEarth9201 wrote:

Thanks for the additional context. I commented above that ESH and after reading this, I stand by my judgment. It sounds like exhaustion, emotions and frustration coming from all sides lead to an overall eruption from you and sis.

However, it sounds like BF is an instigator and you should keep an eye out. If he was there when you asked her to acknowledge your feelings, and he's the AH this story is giving the impression of, it's a possibility that there's something going on behind the scenes that you're not aware of. Did he go full tilt and influence her to send the angry texts and calls?

I'd try to have a one-on-one conversation with your sister when he's not around or have your mom talk to her to find out what BF has told her. Is he badmouthing you to her in front of his family? Definitely worth asking, privately