'AITA for ‘fat shaming’ a girl after she called me twiggy and short in front of my GF?'
"AITA for ‘fat shaming’ a girl?"
I'm a pretty slim guy, about 135 pounds at 5'11. I've been hitting the gym and have seen some progress, but generally I'm still pretty skinny. Recently I've been seeing this girl, Vanessa, casually, and her friend isn't a fan of this, because she's made it known that the past Vanessa has dated a lot taller, buffer guys.
I was hanging out with Vanessa today, and her friend showed up uninvited and was talking again about how I'm 'twiggy' and short.
This annoyed me, so I told her that I didn't want to hear a word from a woman with a bigger waist than me. She got angry and said I was fat shaming her. Vanessa agreed with me that her friend had it coming, but some mutual friends say I'm TA.
The internet had a lot of thoughts.
ClassicTrue9276 wrote:
NTA. If you don't want to be body shamed, don't body shame others.
OP responded:
Exactly. She can’t start things if she doesn’t want me to return insults.
Middle-Drive-3337 wrote:
NTA. As a fat person myself, I'm often baffled by other fat people getting offended by someone simply stating the obvious. When someone calls me fat, my usual response is "Yeah, so? Isn't that obvious?"
anonymom135 wrote:
NTA. It's frustrating that the "shaming" only seems to be viewed as bad in one direction. "Eat a salad" to someone struggling with obesity is a horrible thing to say but "eat a sandwich" to an underweight (or just healthfully thin) person is considered much more acceptable.
Normally I'd say flinging an insult in return is a bad look but honestly, what you said wasn't even that bad, especially considering you're a slim guy.
ElDJee wrote:
ESH.
She called you skinny and short.
You told her the only women who deserved to be heard are thin ones.
ixxy05 responded:
IMO he told her that the only people who deserve to be heard are those who aren't hypocrites (don't comment on someone else's appearance first unless you're perfect yourself) and who don't insult others for no reason. She got a taste of her own medicine.
jrm1102 wrote:
ESH. Yeah yeah, she started it. But you're both insulting each other.
OP responded:
The difference is I’m standing up to somebody that’s been rude to me for months, yet can’t take a taste of her own medicine.
mle_eliz wrote:
ESH, but really mildly on your part. I don’t think you were wrong to call her out but telling her her opinion wasn’t valid because she has a larger waist than you? Would her opinion have been more valid if she had a smaller waist?
Obviously she’s an AH and a hypocrite.
I just think you could have thrown it back at her in a way that sucked a little less. Definitely not an AH though!
SillySolution69 wrote:
Yeah, this is my problem. He’s 5 11 and 135… his mother probably has a bigger waist than him. His boss might have a bigger waist than him, his professors might have a bigger waist than him if he’s in college. The way his comment is framed it makes it seem like the value of a woman’s comment it tied to her waist size, and that’s kind of gross.
thirdeyeboobed wrote:
What is your point in posting this here? You don't think you're the AH and you're challenging anyone that says anything other than N-T-A.
Prestigious-Wolf8039 wrote:
What a hypocrite of her to body shame you and then get mad about the same thing back! You didn’t body shame her, you body shamed her BACK. And she deserved it. NTA.
DubssciveCompulsive wrote:
Terrible bait. OP probs just dislikes fat women and wants to bait out chants of agreement by making up some random AH. It’s exceedingly obvious it’s fake whatever the case. No effort.
biddleberry wrote:
ESH.
Body shaming is not ok.
You can stand up for yourself without resorting to the same bad behavior as her.
Dear-Needleworker-75 wrote:
ESH. One person’s bad behavior doesn’t justify another person's bad behavior.
reeshelley wrote:
ESH. Neither of you should be using body shape as an insult. Just because she started it (which is a pretty childish reason) doesn't mean you have to follow her lead.
Mysterious_Salt_247 wrote:
Plus size woman here. NTA. Vanessa’s friend sucks, and if Vanessa is not willing to stand up for you when her friend makes these BS comments, you should stop seeing her.
prematurememoir wrote:
ESH. Just because she started it does not mean your comment was kind. It was a rude comment. This is one of those moments where I think many would appreciate a justified AH rating.
RequirementAwkward24 wrote:
You're both TA. Even if someone comments negatively on your body, it’s not right to do so in retaliation regardless of their size. I say this full-well believing that weight stigma is a normalized societal venom and harms everyone. Maybe instead talk to each other about character if you want to keep the peace with your girl if you value your relationship.
Friendly-skelly wrote:
ESH. Morality doesn't operate on a pass system; someone else in the room being a jerk doesn't give you a pass to be harmful in the same way. What if Vanessa's friend was being racist, would you have gotten her back by also being racist? What if your girl has had issues with her weight in the past, and now she thinks you'll leave her if she struggles again?
If it had been a different clap back/on that had just been hurtful to gf's friend, NTA, but attacking an entire group (anyone that weighs more than 135) for the actions of the person in front of you isn't justified.
AshligataorMillodile wrote:
ESH. I mean if you didn’t like someone body shaming you, why would it be okay to do it to someone else. You could have made her feel really bad by just stating the obvious. “Please don’t comment on my body, it makes me uncomfortable”. You would have actually come out on top.