'AITA for finally snapping at my sister after she keeps ruining everything she borrows from me?'
"AITAH for finally snapping at my sister after she keeps ruining everything she borrows from me?"
I (32F) have always been pretty generous when it comes to my sister (28F). I let her borrow my stuff all the time clothes, bags, even my car because that’s just what sisters do, right? But I’m at my breaking point because she just does not respect any of it. It started with clothes. I’d let her borrow a dress for a night out, and she’d give it back days later, stained or wrinkled beyond saving.
Once, I lent her my favorite white blouse, and she returned it with foundation and red wine stains all over it. She just shrugged and said, “Oops, I didn’t notice.” And when I asked her to at least try to clean it? She laughed and said, “You have so many clothes, why do you even care?”
Then it got worse. She started borrowing my car when hers was in the shop, and every time she returned it, it was disgusting inside. I’m talking fast-food wrappers everywhere, sticky cupholders, makeup smudges on the steering wheel (seriously, HOW?), and of course the gas tank always on E.
I told her she needed to at least put gas in it if she’s gonna use it, but she’d just roll her eyes and say, “Ugh, fine, I’ll do it next time.” Spoiler: she never did. The final straw was last weekend. She begged to borrow my designer bag for a wedding, swearing she’d be so careful with it. I was hesitant, but I gave in.
A few days passed, and I realized she never gave it back. When I asked, she just casually said, “Oh, I left it at my friend’s place. You can go pick it up.” Like...?? You mean I have to go get my bag because you were too lazy to bring it back? I finally lost it. I told her she’s selfish, careless, and has zero respect for me or my things.
That I’m done lending her anything ever again because she clearly doesn’t appreciate it. She got all defensive and said I was being dramatic and materialistic. Now my sister is giving me the cold shoulder and acting like I’m the bad guy, But I feel like I’ve been more than patient, and I’m honestly tired of being taken advantage of. AITAH?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
candid_process1831 wrote:
Absolute NTA! Just make sire you don't borrow here anymore stuff! She is completely wrong amd the AH for not respecting the stuff you borrow here!
OP responded:
I won't borrow here anything anymore till she learns to respect and take care of the stuff i borrow here and I'm also still waiting a proper apology from here!
ChicagoWhiteSox35 wrote:
NTA. She's old enough to know better, she just doesn't care. Stop letting her borrow anything. She obviously cannot take care of things.
OP responded:
She has to buy here own stuff from now on as she won't let her borrow anything anymore.
PetroByas wrote:
NTA. Real materialism is thinking nice things are disposable.
OP responded:
Nice things are not disposable and are sometimes even very expensive that's what my sister needs to understand and even more if it's not your stuff and you borrow it you should at least return it in the condition you got it in!
Bigboootygoddess wrote:
NTA. You’ve been more than generous with your sister, but she has shown a consistent lack of respect for your belongings. You’ve asked her repeatedly to be more responsible, and she’s dismissed your requests. It’s understandable that you’d be frustrated and eventually snap after being taken advantage of for so long.
It’s not about being materialistic; it’s about respecting your property and your boundaries. You’re allowed to set limits, and it’s perfectly reasonable for you to stop lending her things if she continues to disregard them.
OP responded:
I borrowed here everything she asked for and not a single thing she returned back was in good condition after I got it back so that's why I don't trust here anymore and she won't get anything anymore from me!
I_wanna_be_anemone wrote:
ESH Your sister is obviously the biggest AH, but you set yourself up for disappointment time and time again. You’ve given your sister countless opportunities to walk all over you like a doormat and now are wondering why she wipes her feet on your face?
Don’t let her ‘borrow’ anything. Tell her you’ll have her charged with theft if she doesn’t a) return your handbag in pristine condition by tomorrow evening or b) pay you the full price of a brand new version of that designer bag. If you won’t set boundaries, then parasites will never change.
Slight-Garlic534 wrote:
YTA to yourself, OP. You've been letting her destroy your stuff for God knows how long with zero repercussions. STOP. LENDING. HER. YOUR. STUFF! Not just until she "earns how to respect and take care of the stuff you loan her" but from here on forward! She'll likely just roll her eyes at you and say, Yeah sure and return the next thing destroyed as always...People like your sister just do not care.
Corfe-Castle wrote:
Seeing that you are still prepared to loan her your stuff if she “respects it”, shows me that though your sis is an AH. You’re an even bigger one for not learning your lesson, even after all these years. She won’t change. When will you get it into your noggin that she is too old to change her crappy disregard for your stuff. Who cares if she upset? Boo hoo No more loaning.
greatnanato wrote:
Not totally TAH, but the fact that it took you so long to learn your lesson makes you kinda one. This seems like it has been going on for a long time, no way should you have let her "borrow" your things when it was obvious that she didn't respect you.