'AITA for agreeing that my (former) friend most likely baby-trapped another friend for money?'
"AITA for agreeing that my (former) friend most likely baby-trapped another friend for money?"
So my friendship group is currently in shambles over this situation so I’m looking for some outside opinions. The two main people are my (24F) friends Alex (25M) and Lia (24F).
They hooked up and now Lia is pregnant but Alex isn’t happy about it. Alex and Lia have always been weirdly close but they’ve never crossed the friendship line and clearly for good reason because the whole thing has been messy as hell since Lia told him she was pregnant. He asked her to get rid of it and she said no, so he asked her not to tell his family about the baby yet but she went ahead and told them.
The majority of our friendship group thinks she baby trapped him for money since her family don’t have much and Alex’s are more than comfortable. I originally was defending her but then while she was ranting to me about what a jacka%s Alex is, she said the only thing Alex would be good for was money and that her baby wouldn’t need him as a father. She kept talking about Alex, money and him being an ATM for a good 30 minutes.
The conversation left a bad taste in my mouth so I was discussing it with Charlotte, my best friend and Alex’s ex, and we both agreed that it seems like Lia only cares about the money and I said I was starting to agree with the friends who think she baby-trapped him for money.
Unfortunately, Charlotte mentioned it to a few other friends who told others and it’s gotten back to Lia. She hasn’t said a single thing to me and the only reason I know she now hates me is because Alex, of all people, confronted me about it and she blocked me.
He told me to leave Lia alone and tried to guilt me because she’s pregnant and needs her friends right now but he’s the one causing her the most stress. He said if I (or anyone else) said anything else about her we’d have to deal with him so most people are now denying ever saying she baby trapped him so I feel like I’m being thrown under the bus here.
Charlotte said he’s only playing hero because his family are all on his case now because Lia keeps running to them so he has no choice but to act like he cares. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
SeekingBeskar said:
ESH. This sounds like a lot of drama that's worth stepping away from. Alex and Lia could both have taken steps to prevent this pregnancy, but may not have. Lia doesn't want to have an abortion and that's a decision that should be respected.
Going to Alex's ex to discuss this was only going to create more drama. Chances are, Alex needs some time to digest this and work out what role he's going to play without the drama, and in your conversation with Lia she may have been feeling quite spiteful as she had experienced Alex ask her to get an abortion she doesn't want.
That's a lot of emotions going around at once for both of them and pregnancy hormones can be literal hell. It doesn't excuse what she was saying, but is a worthwhile factor to consider.
It doesn't sound like there's any evidence of her actually trying to baby trap him. They could both have practiced safe sex (if they didn't, sometimes even when practicing safe sex these things happen).
It just sounds like a lot of assumptions are being made at a time when emotions are running high. Charlotte's thoughts on his current behaviour are irrelevant because they are just assumptions.
squirrelsareevil2479 said:
YTA. Stop calling Lia your friend because you are not a friend to her. Both Alex and Lia had consensual sex and are aware of the need for birth control. That's between the two of them. Alex is financially responsible for the baby and he knows that. That does not mean Lia baby trapped him, only that she expects child support for his child.
You said nothing to Lia but then sneak around gossiping and spreading rumours with no actual knowledge. Now you are reaping the consequences of running your mouth and think you're the victim. Your friend group is finding out that you are no friend but a malicious gossip.
Cleantech2020 said:
YTA. Stop complicating the situation by gossiping. They have been close for years according to you. Things happen, she probably is reacting like this (money talk) because Alex isn't happy about the situation and Lia is trying to find a silver lining (atleast he has money even if he doesn't want to play happy families with me). They could easily end up together once Alex manages to process the situation.
happybanana134 said:
ESH except for Alex and Lia. Look, you & your friends are absolutely causing stress and drama because instead of letting Alex and Lia figure things out, you're chatting about them, speculating and making accusations.
I don't know if Lia babytrapped Alex, and from what you've written, neither do you. All we know is that she's pregnant and if Alex isn't willing to be a father, she's optimistic re financial support. Alex has stepped up to tell his 'friends' to quit gossiping and I think that was very mature of him.
NaturalForty said:
YTA. There's a lot of bad behavior here, but here's the key: Lia told you that Alex was a jacka$s... in other words, she wants Alex to be a real father to her baby, but he's refusing. So she's convincing herself that she's better off.
Whenever people are in sh$tty situations, they deal with it by looking for the positive (or making one up). Lia's talk doesn't mean she only wanted Alex for the money; it means she's taking what she can get. You should have known that Lia wasn't gold-digging, and the consequences of spreading a false rumor fall on you.
Top-Personality1216 said:
YTA. It's not your place to speculate on motivations. You (and the friend group) aren't Lia's judge and jury. It is what it is; quit gossiping.