"AITA for allowing my bf to cook at my apartment?"
My (22f) roommate (23f) is a Hijabi. Because of this whenever my bf (23m) comes over I make sure to tell her and we stay in my room 99% of the time. She has a lot of hair so I assume tucking it into her hijab can be annoying and I understand her wanting to not have to have it on all the time.
I have a cyst on one of my ovaries and it ended up being ruptured and my ovary twisted and there was other stuff because of that and it was just a lot and I was in a lot of pain, and my bf came over to help me out.
I hadn’t ate in a while and had vomited anything I did eat back up and I didn’t feel like getting up and cooking at all, so I texted my room mate, and made sure she knew my bf would be in the kitchen, telling her that I was in a lot of pain and that my bf would be in the kitchen making me food because of that.
He was making me tomato soup (from a can) and a grilled cheese (my stuff), so not anything super messy or time consuming and he washed all the dishes he used, and apparently as he was, she came out and she seemed annoyed, grabbed some stuff from the kitchen and gave my bf a nasty look.
A couple of hours later it got bad and we went to the ER, and I guess me and my bf took a little longer to leave the living room ( I would say around 10ish minutes) because I wanted to make sure we grabbed everything and I wasn’t really moving fast and for a few minutes we stood in the living room reconsidering.
After a really long night and surgery I wake up and I see some texts from her saying that she shouldn’t have to put her hijab back on just to grab something from her own kitchen. I said I was really sorry but I was just not feeling up to it and I would not have been able to stand up for that long and then I explained what happened.
She responded saying “girl it’s not that hard your bf doesn’t need to be cooking in our kitchen, and it doesn't take that long to leave the apartment."
I told her I was sorry and then she told me that it was super annoying and I told her I was really tired and to just leave me alone and she told me I was being an inconsiderate b***h and now I feel really bad and I’m thinking I should apologize to keep the peace and for making her put on her hijab when I could have made myself food as not to inconvenience her.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
grumperia wrote:
NTA. Her beliefs are on her, the kitchen is a common area and this has been a special circumstance. It’s not like you’re going out of your way to disrespect her. She can move out and find a muslim flatmate who will share her values if she cannot adapt.
Psilosirenrose wrote:
NTA.
You live in that apartment and have the right to its use (including occasional guests) as she does, especially if there are no agreements otherwise. You pay rent for the whole apartment, not just your own room.
You were having a medical emergency. Her irritation over having to put her hijab back on to grab something or wait a few extra minutes is such small potatoes compared to that she should be ashamed of herself for calling YOU inconsiderate. She's projecting, and being a bully.
I am hoping that your lease isn't too much longer and that you're able to seek a new roommate soon. This person sounds extremely controlling and as if she expects to be able to dominate the space without any thought for fair use by others. Trust me. Having had a roommate like that, the only real solution is just to move out. They're insufferable.
TheFatBasterd wrote:
NTA. If she doesn't want to put her hijab on while at home then she shouldn't have a roommate. When you have a roommate you both get equal claim to the common space such as the kitchen and living room and she can't tell you that you or your guests aren't allowed to use the common space because she doesn't want to get fully dressed.
NaniRomanoff wrote:
You were in the middle of a medical issue that required you going to the ER and then having surgery. Obviously you needed help in that situation & it’s incredibly unkind for your roommate to get mad at who you had helping rather than expressing literally any concern for you.
I’m not Muslim, but I do cover my hair in front of anyone who’s not close family for other religious reasons & I would not have been mad in this situation about needing to slap a headscarf on, especially not when I’d had warning about it.
Frankly I don’t think I’d be mad at you even if I’d been jumpscared by your bf being announced in the kitchen because again - you were having a medical emergency. NTA but your roommate needs to figure out where her compassion went.
quiet199 wrote:
As a Muslim Hijabi woman, I can confidently tell you NTA. Also, OVARIAN CYSTS are really painful, and you were not feeling well, which technically takes more priority in Islam, and she should've been understanding of that.
atimeforvvolves wrote:
She DOESN’T have to put her hijab on just to grab something from the kitchen. In fact, she doesn’t have to wear it at all! She chooses to, and other people shouldn’t have to tiptoe and walk on ice around her because of her choice.
Her religion controls her own actions, not others’. She’s the inconsiderate one for bitching at you when you just had fucking surgery, wtf. Don’t back down and definitely don’t apologize. You’ve been accommodating enough.