'AITA for announcing my pregnancy at my best friend’s wedding? She shared her engagement at mine.' UPDATED
There's a time and place for everything. But the problem is, not everyone will agree on what that time and place is.
"AITA for announcing my pregnancy at my best friend’s wedding?"
I (24F) recently discovered that I’m expecting my first child. My best friend, we’ll call her "Laura," (23F) and I have shared every significant life moment since we met in college. I got married two years ago to Laura’s brother, and at my wedding Laura announced her engagement to my brother during the reception.
I was genuinely thrilled for her, I’ve always thought of Laura as a sister and now we truly were and I really didn’t mind at all that she shared her big news; it felt like our joys were intertwined. Last weekend was Laura and my brother's wedding, and it seemed like a beautiful circle of life moment.
Throughout the wedding and reception, a few close friends began to notice that I wasn’t drinking and started whispering guesses about my pregnancy. It felt like my news was already halfway out there, so after the speeches, I made a toast.
I expressed my deep happiness for Laura and my brother, then, feeling the moment was right and following the precedent she had set at my wedding, I shared that I was expecting. Both our families were so excited because this is the first grandchild on both sides of the family, and after a handful of hugs and congratulations I feel like the celebration shifted back to Laura and my brother.
I thought Laura would be excited, but instead, she seemed upset. She pulled me aside after the toast and expressed that she felt I had chosen her special day to make a personal announcement, overshadowing her celebration. This reaction stunned me, especially since she had made a similar announcement at my wedding—a moment I had embraced wholeheartedly, sharing in her happiness.
Laura has been distant since, and my brother has even spoken to me since the wedding, and I’ve been left questioning my decision. I thought that since I didn’t mind sharing my special day, she would feel the same. Our mutual friends are divided; some think it was a sweet continuation of sharing life’s milestones, while others side with Laura, feeling the timing was inappropriate.
So, AITA for announcing my pregnancy at Laura’s wedding reception, especially considering the history and the fact that people were already suspecting and whispering about it?
Not long after posting, OP shared an update/clarification.
Edit to clarify: Laura, Me, Her brother and my brother are all close in age and spent a lot of time together in college, we went to college in a smaller town, and the four of us pretty much only spent time with each other, thus why we were close enough to marry each other's brothers.
Also if she hadn’t married my brother and I hadn’t married hers I would not have felt comfortable announcing my pregnancy. But since my baby’s entire family on both sides were there I felt like it made sense.
People had a lot to say about the situation.
NapalmAxolotl wrote:
NTA because she announced her engagement at your wedding. (I assume neither of you asked the other's permission for your announcements.) Otherwise it definitely would have been Y T A, but she set a precedent that she thought this was all cool.
OP responded:
No she didn’t ask me before the announcement, and I was really excited for her. She and my brother are two of the most important people in my life and I’m so happy the found happiness in each other.
Zealousideal-Divide6 wrote:
You didn’t do anything maliciously so your NTA. She set the tone that personal announcements at weddings were fine when she took the opportunity to announce her engagement at your wedding. I would send her a message saying something like:
"I’m sorry that my pregnancy announcement caused you to think I was trying to steal the spotlight at your wedding. I thought it was ok since you shared your engagement announcement at my wedding. Again, I apologize if my actions made you upset, that wasn’t my intention at all. I hope we can get on the same page about this. I’m here when you’re ready to talk."
She might still think it’s a tit for tat thing (revenge since she did it at your wedding), but that’s not your problem. You can’t control her perception, all you can do is apologize and move on.
TravelingBride2024 wrote:
INFO: when she announced her engagement at your wedding, was it like a full on, microphone, during a toast kind of an announcement? Or more of “some people noticed her ring and she told them she was engaged?” Announcement?
if people were whispering and you just told them, “yep,I’m pregnant!” That wouldn’t have bothered me at all….but during the toast does seem a bit inappropriate. But if she did hers during a toast then I could see why you thought it was okay.
OP responded:
It was in a very similar manner that I announced my pregnancy, granted it was a little later into the reception, but she also announced it over the microphone.
CandylandCanada wrote:
ESH. It's understandable that you thought you were continuing a tradition, but the way that you did it was perhaps inappropriate. There is a big difference between confirming what the people around you are guessing, and doing it during a speech for all to hear.
Your heart was in the right place, and Laura should have seen that you were following her lead, but she didn't. She may also feel betrayed that you didn't tell her, your best friend, before you told everyone else. Chalk it up to a misread on all sides. You can get past this if you are sensitive to her feelings, and the two of you clear the air.
Swimming_Possible_68 wrote:
ESH. I mean, you just don't do you? You don't announce huge news at someone else's big event. I get why you thought it would be okay, especially as Laura had basically done the same at your wedding, but although you were fine with it, that's quite unusual.
It's basically wedding etiquette, don't wear white unless your the bride, don't start a screaming row with anyone, don't make a big life changing announcement that overshadows the married couple. Man, it's not hard.
HelpfullyRandom wrote:
Ahh, weddings. The gifts that keep on giving! If she did similar, she set the precedent, so no, NTA. Apologise for upsetting her, but if she wants to drag it out into a massive thing then it's on her.